To think Dh is doing as little work as possible

This tbh. Other than the sick days, which are a limit not a target, I don’t see the issue.

He’s already the main earner, no financial struggles, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with preferring to be at home than at work. Not many people love their jobs, it’s a means to an end.

What are you actually bothered about here? Do you want to see less of him? Are you worried he's taking the piss too much and might be fired? If he works 35-40 hours per week then that's full time and if there's no money worries then that's fine imo.

Full time hours barely gives you chance to prepare for the next working day and then weekends fly by. If he's just making the most of time off work and he pulls his weight at home then I wouldn't have a problem.

I went down to 4 day weeks (and took a paycut) in one of my jobs and me and my partner had a lovely time going for walks on the day off when not many people were about in the week. I still had plenty of time to complete my tasks and no one at work was left short because of it. If my partner called me lazy for not wanting to spend the best part of my life stuck in an office then we would not be together. And I also wouldn't have cared what other people thought either tbh.

I think not doing extra Saturdays and evenings is fine. But lying about appointments and illnesses is really grim and could end up badly at work.

I don't think there is a rule to say we must work as hard as we possibly can. Work life balance is something a lot of people struggle with. Can you reduce the amount of time you work? If i was a colleague it would not bother me if someone went early etc as they will not be getting paid. The sick day ' entitlement ' would be a definite no for me.

I have to show proof of appointments. How is he getting away with that and max sick days? A certain amount triggers an automatic appointment/monitoring. I would lose all respect for someone who did that.

Maybe he's working smart but not hard - pulling in more money than you with less effort.

Could you do more hours to make up for the earning difference ?

That's a management issue though, not an issue with the person who doesn't want to work.

I'm with your DH.

Nobody lies on their deathbed wishing they'd spent more time at work.

Unless in his contact to work weekends why should he

if it is then management need to have word with him and tell him he needs to work the odd weekend in rota

Exactly that. Happens where I work. 2 new colleagues managed to get weekends, bank holidays and evenings off. Leaving most of us to do extra weekends etc. boils my piss

How much does he do around the house?

The pulling sickies is a red flag. I done it a few times when I was in late teens and early 20s. But now I would never do it for not just feeling it. Going into boy who cried wolf territory.

No one wants to work Saturdays/BHs. It's falling to his colleagues every time to cover for him because he can't be arsed/thinks he is special.

If you arent financially strapped why should he work on Saturdays or BH's?

Some men really cant win, if he worked every Saturday/BH's people would be ripping into him for not spending time with his family.

Personally, I think it's fine, apart from the sick days maybe. But. I'm one of those people who'd much rather have more time than more money as long as the bills are paid and I have a little left over for fun.

He’s not a people person and happy for people to think whatever they want.

And cover for him. Which is very different.

I’d get the ick with someone like this. He’s lazy and selfish. He doesn’t care about fairness or about looking out for his colleagues. He’s happy to leave his colleagues in the shit whilst he pisses about taking sick days. Pushing to leave work early when other people would also appreciate an early finish here and there.

I think he’s disgusting and bet his colleagues think he’s a right bell end. I’d be embarrassed to be with someone like that, not in line with my values at all.

@mrstumblesspottybag

His colleagues couldn’t be further from his mind. He’s not a people person and happy for people to think whatever they want.
In his own words he’s not there to lick arse or make friends.
If he got sacked he would go and work somewhere else.
I don’t know how he gets away with it because if I did that I would be sacked before I knew it.

I think he's foolish to assume that people aren't picking up on his negativity. There's a huge gulf between "licking arse and making friends" as he charmingly puts it and just showing basic courtesy and respect to coworkers which is pretty much a requirement of any job. He's taking the piss: I don't know what he does but I can't believe he's so crucial to the company that someone won't rumble his poor attitude.

Aside from this I don't think I could bear to be with someone with such a negative attitude to people generally. He seems to have a very misanthropic attitude to people: surely some of this must rub off at home?

He sounds miserable.

It’s not good , especially the sickness thing. People will notice and comment about it.
I’m absolutely not sticking up for him , but does he hate this particular job ? Is it worth him looking for something else or retraining?
He’s got 30 years edit of work.

I think the issue here is him shirking rather than working less.

if he wants a job that lets him flex to do less work then he needs to get one, not take the piss with days off for appointments and sick days.

I have to say laziness for me is one of the worst traits ( second only to stinginess)

I've got to be honest: his coworkers probably really resent him for this and I think he probably needs to watch that he doesn't get fired.

It's all very well to say he wants to "work to live" etc but the impact on his coworkers will be that someone else is always going to be having to pick up the late shifts he won't take etc. And taking maximum sick leave is going to leave others in the shit. I'm all for work/life balance but treating your job with open contempt is pretty poor unless you have a genuine grievance.

As a PP pointed out its also teaching a pretty poor work ethic to your kids.

I would struggle to respect someone with that attitude to their job.

I think the issue for me would be the core values underpinning that attitude- being OK with lying and being deceitful, knowing you're leaving others to look after what's your responsibility and lack of accountability. The lack of drive would be a major turn off for me but I recognise that's not for everyone and people want different things out of life.

What I'm curious about op is how does this translate at home? Does he do his 50% or leave you managing the lions share. If he's off and working less hours than you then is he picking up responsibilities at home to even out that time imbalance? How secure would you be if his workplace faces a situation where there needs to be redundancies? Is he is a line of work where work would be easy found elsewhere?

I can understand someone getting to this point in a job they hate close to retirement age but he doesn't sound from your post like he's there yet?