To not want to host in-laws at Christmas (sorry!) again this year?

Yep know that feeling, we are always expected to see DH family Christmas day, driving over to see them. We usually see mine boxing day, but just my mum and dad, who are so much more relaxed, we generally just play board games and chill

DH family is more formal, and the "entertainment" usually includes a quiz about the family, so i end up just sat there like a lemon

I don't get why we cant see them Xmas eve instead, then have Christmas day to ourselves, then see my family boxing day

They rarely ask what we want for gifts just pick things out fortunately while on maternity ive discovered vinted!

If seeing them is a non negotiable (as it seems to be here) could you have it just so they pop in for a coffee then leaving you to have your meal etc in peace?

After breakfast with the children, bundle them up and take them to see Christmas lights, go on a scenic drive, visit a park or museum if open, and do not return home until mealtime. If in-laws ask where you’ve been, tell them you wanted special time with your children and let the chips fall where they may. That’s if you can’t get DH to see reason.

Oooo, that’s straight for the jugular. I felt that.

I quite like this approach though.

Put your foot down. Just say no, quietly. An excuse (truth or lie or half lie) can be helpful. You’re a teacher and you “need to wind down over Christmas holidays”. Or there’s just too much to fit in with the children just finishing school. Or you’ll “be out half the day” as you have plans to see a friend, go to church, or something like that.

The excuse doesn’t have to completely make sense, you just have to stick to it!! What’s most important is that there is a NO in there.

If you felt like it, you could offer them an invitation on Boxing Day - at such and such a time (not earlier). Or your husband could go and visit them on Boxing Day by himself “John says he’ll pop over a Boxing Day, I’m gonna chill here with the kids“.

There’s no right or wrong here, it’s really up to you what you decide to do.

Tell dh to fukoff enjoy your family christmas do what you want enjoy what you want and drink as much as you want

"I don't want to do it this year. I've done it every other year and I want this one to be more relaxed. Are you going to tell your rellies or shall I?"

Rinse and repeat until he accepts you mean it. (And I say this as someone whose child has not invited us to her family Xmas this year because she wants a quiet holiday on her terms.)

Bugger that. We have spent Xmas day on our own as a family for the past 30 years! Plenty of time to catch up with others between Boxing day and New Years day. Fortunately, we are both on the same

Put your foot down and say it is non negotiable this year!

You should be able to achieve a compromise, your DH can't just shut you down! Strict timings, yes they'll ask why but tough, no reason just you want to spend time as a family thanks moce on or don't come.

Or he could give you this Christmas as you've done so many with his family.

I do wonder if because he's a sahd be sees it as a social thing and therefore adds to the day, as he's not goign to work and doing Christmas festivities or getting his socialising out there.

Dh family's comments are dreadful BTW, they're clearly far too comfortable in your home.

DH We have the Christmas you want with your family every year. From this year we will be taking turns, so that I get to choose to have the Christmas I would like. That makes it fair. —and no I don’t like your family—

This^^

OP, you’re far more patient than me. I’d have told DH he can bugger off to his parents on Christmas Day as you’re not having them in the house.

PP has it right, you have a DH problem.

Why does he get the Christmas he wants every year but you don’t? Why does he not mind upsetting you but won’t upset his parents bd sister? Why do your feelings count for less?

I would ask those questions and say you want a proper answer.

This is a hill I would die on.

Absolutely no way would I be putting up with this! Especially with the level of disrespect they are showing. You need to put your foot down xx

I’d point out that u never get the small Christmas that you want. Maybe you should get preferences one year and him the next

I’d point out that u never get the small Christmas that you want. Maybe you should get preferences one year and him the next

I’d point out that u never get the small Christmas that you want. Maybe you should get preferences one year and him the next

YANBU OP and as your DH insists hosting them then let him get on with it. He can enjoy cooking and when the food is ready they can navigate the stuff they out on the table.

I would either set the table and take a photo. Or not set the table.

Then have a drink/chocolate for every comment.

Another thing, as he knows you like Christmas and he says he’s not bothered about it, I would turn it around. I know you say you’re not bothered about Christmas but you know I love it, I’d actually like to enjoy Christmas this year

You need to have a compromise plan.
EG, do a separate festive celebration day, eg on 24th. Have all the things you want - the beautiful decorations, the DC can open some gifts, whatever, play with their new toys, eat as much chocolate or whatever as they like.
Then on 25th you have the low key Christmas DH and his family appear to want.

Why don't you go away for a few days over Christmas to a hotel with you and your hubbie if he wants to go.

If not go by yourself with a good UK travel company

You will have a ball.

Leave hubbie to look after his relatives.

I think it is really out of order the way people have such expectations about staying with relatives over Christmas.
Not to mention the cost.

Jingle Bells

🥕🫎⛄🌲🧑‍🎄

Xxx

I hope you come to some agreement. My husband always prioritised his family especially his mum. I know how hard this all is. I do think you could alternate between your in laws one year and just yourselves another year. I think you may have said he is not keen on this arrangement but maybe have them over boxing day one year instead.

Anyway OP life is short my MIL was tricky at times but she is no longer with us, I miss her loads!

I hope you come to some agreement. My husband always prioritised his family especially his mum. I know how hard this all is. I do think you could alternate between your in laws one year and just yourselves another year. I think you may have said he is not keen on this arrangement but maybe have them over boxing day one year instead.

Anyway OP life is short my MIL was tricky at times but she is no longer with us, I miss her loads!

Hear hear! I would sit back and just get things organised for the kids, if he wants them over he can help organise it all - and cook. At least chip in his fair share. I say this a lot, give the energy you receive. If they don’t like that energy, then that speaks volumes about them x

I can relate to this so much. overbearing behavior, nasty comments about DC. We went away for Christmas last year. Something we always wanted to do now that we have our own little family. Mil called DH on Christmas day saying she will take that Christmas to her grave. By sense of obligation we are spending Christmas this year with them. DH can't cope with the guilt they inflic on him every time we miss a celebration day with them. Some PIL are too much. If you can stick to your guns you have my respect. Good luck

I get this. I’ve been manipulated in to having mil again this year for Christmas. I tried to stay firm but I had the - I’ve nowhere else to go (DH has a brother but we have the cleaner house).

I don’t hugely mind but would love a Christmas just our little family. Mil also comes for tea at least twice a week as it is.

So this year I’ve also invited my parents on principle. I don’t want to have them over either. We will probably end up with my dads sister too and the lady next door.

we had planned a lovely simple meal that the children would actually eat and wouldn’t take ages cooking. Now we are on a three course Christmas meal. I have caveated it that the children won’t be made to sit and eat if they want to play with their toys. I can’t be doing with that hassle and if they just eat selection box for one day that’s fine.

we will, however, save some presents for Boxing Day and we always have a pizza party on Boxing Day. Literally the best part of the holidays for the kiddos. I wonder if you could do something similar?

So he’s obviously cooking, decorating, buying all the presents then isn’t he??!