To not want to host in-laws at Christmas (sorry!) again this year?

Does he normally get his way, or is Christmas his only sticking point?

Or DH helped engineer that situation

Hold firm, and take a year off.

Exactly 💯

You aren't being unreasonable but maybe you could explain to your DH that it hurts to see all your careful preparations ignored. If they don't value Christmas that is fine but they could respect the things you do value, as you respect his wish to be with his family on the day.

I've voted YABU because you didn't post this in "Christmas"

I'm sorry but having a beautifully dressed table on Christmas day is MAJOR The dumping of the carrier bags on said table is disrespectful and unforgivable, for that alone they would be banned.
Get your dh to do everything this year if he insists on hosting.
🫂

This! Pretend it’s Xmas day on Boxing Day and keep some of your dcs gifts for that day. We used to do similar and told everyone we had a “PJ Day” and wanted no visitors. It was a really fun, relaxing day.

How the hell is it too late to change it now? Presumably mil has an oven and all the shops haven't sold out of turkey already? It certainly isn't too late for op to put herself first for once.

Why not suggest every other year to him? So one year you get what you want to do, and the next he gets to do what he wants to do.

I'd dial the effort right back for Christmas Day and have your own big/special dinner on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day where you lay the table nicely. Maybe open presents before they arrive or at least do half and then a few when they are there. Do a nice buffet instead.
The fat comments would really piss me off and I'd struggle to hold my tongue over that.

With an aunt and sil certainly sounds like noone will be left alone on Christmas day. A fabulous boxing day buffet sounds like a perfectly reasonable decision.

How old are the children? Definitely time to focus on them.

if they don't care about Christmas, then it doesn't matter what day they come, so you invite them for 26th or 27th and you have 24th/25th as your family together doing what you and the DC want?

I know you say it’s only October but I actually think that’s too late to change something that you’ve always done. I think you have to suck it up this year but tell everyone that you are going to do something different next year and repeat it regularly throughout the year so that no one is in any doubt and can plan accordingly.

Just seen your update @Nant90
If DH likes cooking then get him to do it. Not to mention I suspect that he likes Christmas more than he lets on 🤔
As I suggested just do the bare minimum with food and decorations - the inlaws will probably notice and if they do, just say that they seem to prefer a simpler arrangement so that's what you've gone with.
I always put a lot of effort into Christmas to make lovely memories and I was also criticised by the inlaws about how everything looked/it's too much/ooo...this looks posh etc with dirty looks to go with it and to be honest I think it just came down to jealousy because when they hosted in previous years it was exactly the same basic (money defo not an issue) food, crackers, decorations, games.....every bloody year!

I’d just say I want a break from hosting this year and, after x times hosting, it’s time for someone else to offer. I don’t think anyone should be routinely expected to host - it’s presumptuous. They sound like a pain in the arse anyway so maybe they should’ve been more grateful while they had it good!

yanbu at all

your in laws sound like mine

my dh knows better than to expect me to put up with them every year.

Tell dh if he prefers a Christmas with his dps in it he can go to them. You stay home with the dc and have your Christmas... Anyone dumping bags on my festive table would be in A&E having a candle surgically removed....

You say you are low contact with your own family, but that they buy your children Christmas presents ...are you sure you wouldn't like to see them at Christmas sometimes? Of course I don't know the back ground but they are thinking of your children at Christmas

Compromise on Xmas night instead for sandwiches.

Enjoy the lead up to the day with your decorations , etc. They will still be there Boxing Day too . I do understand how you feel though . I liked to dress the table but then my BIL and my own brother would come along with cans of beer and kids would need plastic bowls etc . It's the joy of Xmas though 😃 It's not ideal from your point of view but it's rather nice to celebrate and your kids probably like it too. Ignore the comments about toys etc , it's a generational thing. Tell your DH to speak to them especially negative things about eating and weight in front of kids .

Are you sure a Christmas without them would be the Christmas you have pictured in your head...? And would it end up with you being the only 'christmassy one'.

I quite like a Christmas with all my Dh's family round (mine live very far away) and do wonder a bit what we'd do if they weren't there....

I’d try and have a proper chat about it OP, if they truly aren’t bothered about Christmas anyway then I don’t see what difference it makes whether they come spend the day with you on the 25th or the 26th, and it is absolutely fair to suggest alternating so that you both get a say in what Christmas day looks like.

You have a DP problem OP and not an inlaw problem so much.

I think that you are just going to have to put your foot down very firmly with this as we had to. We had this going on every year until we had enough and said that we wouldn't be hosting Christmas Day one year and just wanted the day to be us and the DC but that we were happy to do a lunch on Boxing Day with an open house invite for anyone who wanted to come. OMG - the complaining and the guilt tripping went on for weeks! In the end we booked and paid for them to have a Christmas dinner at a restaurant near them and to provide a taxi service for Boxing Day - cost a bloody fortune but we got our 'family' veg out Christmas and it was bliss. As the kids got older they understood that one day had to be duty day and the other day was fun day.
Your DH is another problem. He claims not to care but isn't listening to you and what you would like. The outcome depends on how brave you feel in being firm with him. If he doesn't like it then perhaps he should go to his parents and have the day with them? I would bet good money on him not actually helping you anyway?
Or you tell the DC that they have a duty day with relatives and the next day is your proper family Christmas day. On the duty day provide a good meal with cheap crackers etc and do a small number of gifts and then put the TV on - that's it. Make drinks occasionally and offer cake in the afternoon and do nothing else - after all they don't see the fuss about Christmas do they????