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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a week is too long for visitors

85 replies

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 13:02

My mother is staying for a whole week! We haven’t spent time in the same house for about 10 years as I always stay in a hotel if I visit her (rarely) (not a great relationship as she’s narcissistic and very demanding). She hasn’t been particularly great since she arrived

but we’ve moved and she pretty much demanded a week stay as we now have more space

it’s only Tuesday and she doesn’t go until Friday 😩 and DP thought I was being mean but then admitted he couldn’t live for a week with his mother staying either.

i just feel like I can’t relax, she wants constant attention. Last night I got home from my two jobs at 6.30, cooked dinner, did the ironing, had a shower and went to bed which she was moody about

AIBU that a week is too long for most house guests??? Or maybe just mothers?

OP posts:
ManteesRock · 28/10/2025 17:45

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 16:00

shes 80, so getting on, but she can get to Rhodes on holiday with her friend so I pull a face when she says she can’t get down our front steps without help

however she has been like this for as long as I can remember

Bloody hell just because she can go on holiday it doesn't mean she can't manage stairs!
I went to Florida for 2 weeks, but my disability means I can't climb a flight of stairs!

ManteesRock · 28/10/2025 17:39

If you're still out of the house all day working then I'd say no; it's not too long.

MyLimeGuide · 28/10/2025 17:16

How awful for you 😥

Ivy888 · 28/10/2025 17:08

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

Her walking around in underwear suggests she either cannot read the room or is starting to have mental issues.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like she isn’t at yours to see you, but at yours to have a holiday. Remember this next time she wants to come. It will help you refuse to let her stay again. Honestly, I would make her stay uncomfortable (get the kids to play loud music), cook food you know she doesn’t like..) so she is not inclined to come again.

SchrodingersParrot · 28/10/2025 16:19

I'm reminded of the saying "Guests are like fish. After three days they start to smell."

Lilyowl · 28/10/2025 16:10

Yes too long. Would host someone for this length of there was a need though but wouldn't be "hosting" as such.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 28/10/2025 16:01

1 day is too long for visitors!

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 16:00

shes 80, so getting on, but she can get to Rhodes on holiday with her friend so I pull a face when she says she can’t get down our front steps without help

however she has been like this for as long as I can remember

OP posts:
Thecarstairsitreallyhurtsmegirl · 28/10/2025 15:46

Four hours is plenty..Ta ta🙋🙋

somanythingssolittletime · 28/10/2025 15:46

Depends on your culture and her expectations. My mum comes from abroad and stays 2-3 weeks at a time. She doesn’t expect any hosting. She does all the cooking and housework, so when I come home from work we have dinner together and chat. Then I go to bed while she stays up to scroll or crochet.
My MIL also doesn’t expect hosting, but she stays in a hotel as she likes her space. She will still come to ours to cook and we all have dinner together, but then she will leave to go rest.

MidnightPatrol · 28/10/2025 15:43

Yes too long.

Also hard if you are working as it means no down time.

Albeit if my mum was staying midweek and I was at work, she’d probably be volunteering to cook dinner / kids pick up / bedtimes etc.

Can you suggest that at least?

ChipDaleRescueRangers · 28/10/2025 15:41

As the old saying goes, guests are like fish, they stink after 3 days. 3 days is more than enough!!!!

Nigelladamascena · 28/10/2025 15:40

My MIL stays every year for 6 weeks over the summer holidays. It used to be both PIL but my FIL died a couple of years ago.

This year my MIL is coming for Christmas. I thought it was going to be for a couple of weeks over the festive period. She rang to say she had booked flights and then said it was for 6 weeks. She lives in another country and now she is elderly she is finding it difficult so wants to make the most of it.

We don't have a spare room now so we have to set up a bed in the living room. I like my own space and I find it very difficult but I put that aside as this is DH's mum and she won't be around forever.

I must be a mug or strange by Mumsnet standards.

Mikart · 28/10/2025 15:37

2 nights is enough for me

CharlotteFlax · 28/10/2025 15:34

Visitors are like fish. They stink after three days.

Edited to add that now I've read the whole thread, Rosesandhellebore has also said the same. High five, Roses!

ComfortFoodCafe · 28/10/2025 15:33

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

Sounds like she was expecting a hotel! Honestly, i would send her out for the day go sight seeing so you can have a break.

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:33

soupmaker · 28/10/2025 15:29

OMFG it’s hell having visitors for more than 3 nights.

My MIL lives abroad and comes and stays for weeks on end. We now farm her out to DHs cousins for some of it so I don’t murder her. I’ve put my foot down and said absolutely no more than a week and DH has to be off work to entertain and manage her demands. we don’t even have a spare room so our space is completely invaded by her and her massive amounts of stuff.

My own Mum is a great house guest. Helps with cooking, cleaning, ironing, goes off to bed to give us some time in the evening, can make her own cup of tea, will sit and read and not feel the need to talk incessantly. But she’s allowed to stay 5 days max!

oh I feel for you with the MIL

I Ave it the other way, my MIL is lovely but also I’m not sure I’d want her in my house for a week, holidays are fine with her though

OP posts:
Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

OP posts:
soupmaker · 28/10/2025 15:29

OMFG it’s hell having visitors for more than 3 nights.

My MIL lives abroad and comes and stays for weeks on end. We now farm her out to DHs cousins for some of it so I don’t murder her. I’ve put my foot down and said absolutely no more than a week and DH has to be off work to entertain and manage her demands. we don’t even have a spare room so our space is completely invaded by her and her massive amounts of stuff.

My own Mum is a great house guest. Helps with cooking, cleaning, ironing, goes off to bed to give us some time in the evening, can make her own cup of tea, will sit and read and not feel the need to talk incessantly. But she’s allowed to stay 5 days max!

Wreckinball · 28/10/2025 15:27

Can you give her a list of things to do while you are out and give her a timetable of what you will be doing and when so she gets an idea of how busy you are - she may decide to go early

Topseyt123 · 28/10/2025 15:26

It's too long.

So she came last Friday did she? I'd have offered her something like Friday until Monday, so then you only have her for three nights and two full days (Saturday and Sunday). I'd have thought that would be enough.

When I go to visit my mother I go from Friday to Monday like that. It gives us enough time and I can relax with her, but it isn't too long.

The next time your mother wants to come the perhaps tell her that is what is on offer. Or similar.

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:19

RosesAndHellebores · 28/10/2025 15:16

@princesspadam what do guests and fish have in common?

They start to stink after three days.

😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 28/10/2025 15:18

DH insisted on a 3 day rule, so glad he did.

RosesAndHellebores · 28/10/2025 15:16

@princesspadam what do guests and fish have in common?

They start to stink after three days.

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:15

@JSMill I am 100% with you, I sometimes go to bed at 8/8.30 and I don’t want to stay up talking shite when I have work & household stuff to do

OP posts: