To think a week is too long for visitors

OP, I think we have the same mother - you have my sympathy.

Not sure if it helps, but my mum (like all good narcs) likes to be the centre of everything, and that is a big trigger for her moods/outbursts. I find that treating DM like one of the kids when she stays with us works wonders - regular snacks, meals pre-planned and activities communicated in advance, even if it’s “tonight we’re having a movie night”, or “tomorrow’s a chilled do nothing day”. It’s extra work initially, but pays off as you can then fade into the background (at least, I can) xx

A day is too long. A week is nuts.

Anything over an hour is too long for me.🤣

You need to learn to say no.

Too much. I’m sure you’re absolutely drained. Apart from my husband and two children who I live with, I absolutely hate having people in my house at all, it puts me on edge.

My in-laws do this twice a year and I dread those weeks for months in advance. My friend sums it up best, " visitors are like fish, they go bad after 3 days". Its so true that my husband and I mutter " we've hit the three day mark" every visit now as the atmosphere always turns on day 3. It genuinely makes me want to downsize and get rid of the guest bedroom.

In the distant days when I visited with my parents for christmas I used to arrive christmas eve and leave as soon as transport was again running (day after boxing day). I dont drive so I always felt trapped there because of that. I hate the big noisy get togethers with yards of kids underfoot. I always took a laptop and retired to my room with it when it got too much. Once I left home I never stayed for longer than 3 nights and usually just a weekend. I hate staying in other people's houses.

Not for my mum but she’d have had dinner ready and done my ironing for me.

Is your MIL kind and helpful? That would make a big difference whether people would tolerate such a long visit, especially as you need to give up your bedroom for six weeks.

Is your DH from the country where your MIL lives or did she and PIL choose to move there from the UK? That would also make a difference about what a lot of people would tolerate.

My MIL is currently here for a two week stay. We're on day 5 and my social battery is already very dead.

She's mostly lovely and will help out, but drops a lot of hints about going to local church events. A contentious issue because she's very religious and we are the opposite.

Her efforts have definitely ramped up since we have had a child too. It's a lot of "oh, I just saw that the church are having a Halloween party. Wouldn't that be lovely to take DGD to!" I just nod and ignore all suggestions.

She’s already given you part of the solution! For goodness sake, if she visits again, make sure there is a TV in her room. It sounds like she’d then happily stay in there longer. That’s a win!

Depends on the guests. A week is too short for when my parents visit, they stay at least two weeks (I live abroad so its a lot of travel for them to visit) but I prefer 3 weeks. I'd happily have my mum stay for a month but she can only usually come for one or two weeks when visits without my dad because he can't manage on his own too long (getting old). But my parents are good guests, my mum will wash up, make dinner, do the vacuuming etc. Dad does tend to dominate the tv but he will happily entertain DS for as long as wanted, and they will both go out places by themselves and entertain themselves.

I hadn't seen my mother for twelve years, which included a time of low contact (my childhood has been difficult and abusive), but also different countries, young dcs, finances etc.
My mother had a serious health scare so once she was up to it I went to stay with her for two and a half weeks.
The first week was terrible and I wanted to go home. We really struggled to get along, I was triggered badly and felt like a child again. She was anxious having someone else in the house.
I tried my best to keep the peace, make concessions, keep out of her way etc

Then finally we had a falling out the second weekend, three days before I was leaving.
However this sort of cleared the air and the last three days were lovely.

I wish we'd had the falling out sooner!

So things might need to come to a head before they get better.

In view of what you've now told us about her age, and the way you think she would react if you did say what I suggested, then I think you will only feel guilty if you tell her to go home before her visit is officially over, and of course you'd never forgive yourself if she left early, and then something happened to her before you were to see her again. So I think you just have to bite the bullet, and let her stay. If she's still quite spritely, then I would ask her to help with a few chores during the day, so that she doesn't get bored, and then grumpy, which she'll doubtless take out on you when you get home. Maybe word it like 'Mum, it would really help if you could do X,Y, or Z if you feel up to it while I'm at work, (it might be something like peeling the spuds, or making a pie for tea) as that will leave me more time to spend chatting with you later. Hopefully that will make her feel useful, and help you a little too. Sadly, when parents get to that age, they do tend to become hard work, and a bit grumpy, but remember when she's getting on your nerves, that you might not have her much longer, so treasure her while she's still here, as no matter how bad your relationship is now, you WILL miss her when she's gone.

I think I’d put a TV in the bedroom, if only to encourage her to stay in there! Running about in her underwear - Jeezlouise, how old is she … 😳

You must be a saint. Two hours is enough!

in laws stayed for 6 weeks once FML. Could be worse!

This is my worst nightmare, I’d probably need a week to recover lol

We have guests from another county. They usually stay 2-3 weeks. Do no housework, cook for themselves not anyone else, drives me mad

Me and my kids visit my sister at Christmas every other year and stay for two weeks (another country).
Except she’s not hosting us - we just all muck in and I share the cost of food and cook and we don’t make a mess. She does any driving so I pay for a tank of fuel. My mother used to visit after my father died but it was max four days if I recall. But she did not expect to be waited on and was happy to go with the flow. When they were both alive we used to visit them abroad and I don’t know it’s family it just worked. No one was hosting the other. I couldn’t live long term with them but a week isn’t that long.

PIL wanted ‘value’ from their visit so always tried to push the number of days. They were the kind who wanted waiting on, didn’t want to go anywhere, be noisy into the early hours.
Ironically they didn’t think there would be an issue with us going to them overnight to attend things (4 hours each way).
so we had to put our foot down over it (so they rarely came).

My Mum is the only person in the world that I could have stay for that long, as she was no trouble at all, and I loved her company, but anyone else more than a couple of days is just too much.

Would it have been any better if you weren't working while she's staying with you? If so, I might be tempted to say something along the lines of "Mum, can I be honest with you?" She will say yes, then say "I was really looking forward to your stay, but to be honest I don't think you being here while I'm working is making either of us happy, as I feel guilty for leaving you on your own so much, and you're clearly not happy about not having a TV in your room, etc.". Then suggest that she goes home early, and perhaps in future only comes at a weekend or whatever days you don't work.

Its not specificaly 'mothers' thats the problem, its some mothers just as much as some MIL OR FILs or some brothers or sisters etc ive has my MIL stay with me for months when she was between houses and again, for months when she was at end of life. Ive also had SIL for 3 years during the covid years. Neither of which were a problem.
To me a week isnt much and I could manage that with my own mum who gets on my nerves!

My parents would always ask if staying from A to B was ok. My in laws always told us which got my back up before they’d arrived. A huge difference in approach. My parents helped. My in laws sound like your mum. My MIL is also narcissistic. They’d use us as a hotel, go out to eat without us etc. I was always happy to see the back of them! I bit my tongue a lot because they are my DH’s parents. some guests are just so much easier than others!
Could you talk to your mum? If you’re working you’re probably shattered when you get home and she has got to appreciate this! Perhaps she could meal prep during the day so she feels useful and it uses some of the long time while you’re in work. Good luck. I know there is not an easy answer.