To not want to socialise every time with a bloody dog?

Do you bring your ‘bloody toddler’ with you all the time?

Is she a real friend though? She insists on bringing the dog along everywhere she goes.
She gets upset if you were to say no dog. Drags other into her bat shittery of checking on the dog frequently.
I wouldn't have any patience for any of that. Dislike people in general ,love animals immensely but even I wouldn't be taking a dog eveywhere.
She gets away with it because a ) People don't like it but don't want to upset her or b) They think she's batshit and think we'll indulge her as a result.

She sounds a bit full on, and all meet ups are on her terms, to suit her. You have child/ren, they come first.
Next time say no, or arrange your own meet up, inside, warm, child friendly. Up to her if she goes or not.
She's controlling the meet ups so they suit her and the dog. She's taking over arrangements of parties etc, so she'll make sure she's invited and again, will be on her terms with the dog.
Your grievances are perfectly reasonable.
Don't let her walk all over you.

Agree with PP that the dog, as a rescue, probably has a lot of SA related issues that mean it can't be left. You can absolutely choose not to do things that are dog friendly, but equally she - as the organiser - can absolutely want to do dog friendly things. An adults conversation would be useful, I think.

More importantly

'or have my toddler rolling in her dog’s bed!'

Errr why is your toddler rolling in the dog's bed?!

Just be honest with her that you don't always want to do dog friendly things - if she gets upset then that's on her. You are not responsible for how she feels. Arrange your own meet ups and tell her she's welcome but the dog isn't. I'm allergic to dogs and a lot of my friends have dogs but wouldn't dream of bringing them to my house!

Perhaps your friend doesn't want to socialise with your toddler but puts up with as she's your friend and that's what friends do. There are plenty of dog friendly pubs where you don't have to sit outside and I think you are exaggerating the dog shit issue in parks. I'm team Dog I'm afraid.

This.

The frisky fox 🤣🤣

It is 100% acceptable not to want to sit outside in the cold while you eat, toddler or not.

I would agree that you need to just start organising non-dog friendly gatherings and she will have to suck it up.

Her dog can’t be left at home but your toddler is expected to be outside in the cold possibly near dog poop or other strange dogs or near smoke outside a pub? Surely op you are not the only parent in the group who doesn’t enjoy these outings. Find your people and plan something inside and warm. “Queen bee” is invited without dog and she decides to get a sitter or leave at home. Same as any parent does when they cannot include their child

Totally fine to arrange things yourself that are not dog friendly!

We were in the same position with one of our friends actually last year, I have dogs myself so this really isn’t a dog hating thing- I love dogs, but they don’t need to come everywhere or be involved in everything. My friend got a dog that “can’t be left” so every outing had to be in the dog friendly area, beer garden, outdoor seats at the cafe where dogs were allowed etc and last year as the weather got colder we just said no, not prepared to sit outside in the cold for the dog, dog can stay at home for these trips or if thats really a no then unfortunately friend can’t attend.

Rescue dogs often have separation anxiety so it could be that she actually can't leave the dog home alone yet. It takes many months to build up their confidence and some dogs never get there. It might not just be that she's a crazy dog lady.

She’s controlling though isn’t she. She throws her toys out the pram if the meet ups don’t go her way. Well stop pandering to it.

Either carry on as you are or arrange meet ups that don’t include the dog and she has to suck it up or not come. There are your options.

Triggered dog owner alert. lol.

OP has endured the dog meets long before her DC arrived as is clear in the OP.

Have a chat with her. Can you both agree to compromise? Half of events to be dog friendly, half not? If she throws her toys out of the pram about compromising, what kind of friendship is this? Does she care about your needs?

I would not worry about splitting the group, as the current arrangements sound tedious anyway.

She probably doesnt want to socialise with bloody toddlers all the time either

She does put a lot of effort into organising things for other people and is a devoted friend, but it all has to be her way…
How can they be 'things for other people' if it's all her way or a strop?
She doesn't sound a devoted friend, more controlling and selfish!

let her organise whatever she wants but organise your own stuff too without the dog and just explain to her why if she gets the hump. “Sorry (friend), I just want to do something without the dog, you’re obviously welcome but please don’t bring the dog”

Is ddog not able to stay at home for social events ever? One of my best friends has a dog and except for the occasional walks I can’t think of single social event that included the dog! Dog is always a at home either by herself or with the dh.

We shall see. I have a feeling it’s more so dog is involved!!

I took on an elderly rescue dog a year ago. She has separation anxiety and is a pain in the rear!

I also have to take my dog everywhere but appreciate that not everyone likes a farty hound sitting under the table at lunch. On those occasions, I decline an invite or phone my dog sitter.

Usually people who are the main organisers in a group aren't doing it because they love being an "organising queen bee", they are doing it because no one else can be bothered. (Although the others, like OP, can often be found complaining that the outing wasn't planned to their standard).

Far from being annoyed, most organisers would love it if someone else took the reins even once.

YANBU to organise your own events without the dog.

I'd suggest organising things with only part of the group rather than the whole group. That way she can more easily be left out.

Do something like softplay with just the members of the group who have kids. Invite just one couple (or a couple of singles) over for dinner. Invite the whole group to join you at the theatre/a concert (where dogs obviously can't go).

YANBU to arrange something that’s not dog-friendly but I suspect she might then “retaliate” by arranging things that aren’t toddler-friendly. Is this something that you are prepared to split the group over?

You have my sympathy - I have a couple of friends who are dog-obsessed (with really badly-trained dogs, as well) and it gets very tedious always having things revolve around the dogs. But at least it’s not affecting an entire group.

I think you have to be prepared to lose the friendship with her, does this mean you can’t arrange to see others in the group? If not then they aren’t true friends. I’d decline the cold park offer for we are staying in the warm.

If she’s the one organising you can’t really moan about it. Sort your own meet ups and make it clear, if she’s in a huff about it that’s her problem.