AIBU to be upset that dd12 didn’t go on any rides at Alton Towers

Oh get a grip

Hear hear. I'm a fairly courageous person in general (I'm certainly fine with solo overseas travel, solo long-distance hiking, public speaking, living alone in an isolated place, walking into a room of strangers etc) , but the most ridiculously tiny things give me motion sickness, and I simply can't fathom enjoying being thrown around in the air, any more than I can fathom enjoying violent films or TV programmes. It's just not fun for me.

I don't think it makes me some kind of general wuss who should get over herself and learn to love upside down rollercoasters.

The only time I have ever been was at least 40 years ago when DH and I were still courting. In those days there was still a boating lake and he took me for a row. I think there probably were some scary rides but presumably nothing like you get now. The scariest thing I went on was the cable car they had then. It wasn't meant to be scary but I have never been keen on cable cars.

When DD was young DH took her one half term and she has also been with school and with friends. Thankfully I got away without going myself, though we took her to Disneyland Paris when she was about five.

My DD hates most rides (as do I) but went to Alton Towers with her friend's family. No issue at all: it's a nice day out with friends.

It's not obligatory to enjoy fairground rides and it doesn't correlate with courage about things that matter - its just your stomach for vertigo and being whizzed about in the air. I'm scared shitless of rides and avoid them like the plague but I've got balls of steel in other areas of my life.

I couldn't care less about this personally.

I mean no way would I be paying to go to a theme park if they don't like the rides, madness!

I have had the opposite experience somewhat. My parents enjoyed going on bigger rides, but none of my friends liked going to theme parks throughout the years. Have ended up going solo a few times, but have realised that it’s ok.

Maybe she was worried about sitting on her own, if there was an odd number? While the main attractions are the rides, there is a lot of other stuff going on at Alton Towers at the moment as it’s Scarefest. Although if her friends were on rides or queuing for rides the whole time, it must have been boring for her.

My youngest is the same. Teacups is about all she can cope with. She ends up stood with me holding everything. And didnt go to the school trips as she new she would be bored .
They really aren't for everyone.

I am still not sure I understand what the issue was and whether it's you who is upset or DD.
Do you mean they went as an odd number and that's why DD wouldn't go on rides as she would have been on her own? Or do you think she caused an issue because she didn't go on the rides, meaning the other friends had an odd number? Surely at 12 they would be able to take turns in who rides solo and even then they could sit in the row behind on many rides.

You also don't know whether she was upset as you haven't asked. You are assuming she was upset as you believe she would have been overwhelmed.
This is where I am not sure what's upsetting here. Did she say she didn't have a good day? Did the friends say something to you?

You know your dd best OP. I wouldn’t have any issue with not wanting to go on rides, but if your concern is because you think there is a wider problem or nervousness and distress than that’s something to address in its own right. Just since you have said she tends to be overwhelmed and in tears.

I’m confused so she did want to go on the rides but didn’t??

Which is part of why I am saying it is a bit dim to see it as somehow "brave."

What issue did she create? When I was in secondary school the whole school went every other year to Alton Towers. Those who didn’t want to ride the big rides just queued up with friends and then stepped through to wait at the exit while their friends rode. No big deal and everyone still had a good day. I can understand if she wanted someone to miss the ride and stay with her, that’s not very fair.

Surely theme parks are about more than just rides?

I’m heading to Orlando this month and don’t plan on going on any of the rides at the parks, just going to enjoy walking around them and maybe getting on a tame water ride if there is one.

Driving to the theme park is more dangerous!

Why?

Because of the very tiny chance of an accident?

When so many things in life have a much higher chance of an accident?

Well I guess I'm looking at it from the other perspective, namely the attitude that wanting to get on them somehow demonstrates some sort of superiority.

I agree with this.

And if the answer is that she doesn't really enjoy the rides, I don't see that as anything for anyone to feel ashamed of.

It's the attitude that people are somehow less intelligent for getting on roller costers

People aren't always in cars for vitally important reasons anyway

I suspect that this isn’t about rides really.

Are you perhaps worried that she’s too timid in lots of areas of life?
Are you fighting a sense that she’s not like other kids her age?
Are you anxious about her fitting in generally?

Whether she’s an introvert, anxious or neurodivergent, she needs to be able to talk to you without feeling that your disappointed by her differences.

It would be helpful to talk to her about how she feels about what happened. Why did she accept the invitation? Did she truly believe she’d be able to go on rides but then unexpectedly felt too scared to do it? Or, did she know deep down that it probably wasn’t for her, but accepted the invitation anyway? And if so, was that because she really wanted to push herself to try? Or was it because she’s a people-pleaser and didn’t know how to turn down the invitation?

Ultimately, whatever the reason, she needs to get to grips with what she actually enjoys and find her voice without shame. Confidence will come from feeling safe to be herself, not forcing herself to try to be someone she is not. And, as her mother, your acceptance is more important than anyone else’s.

Oh for goodness sake! See my eta above.

I didn't say no-one should ever do it; i simply said I don't see that it demonstrates "bravery." Nor is leaving the house "brave" for most people.

But as the thrill junkies wade in they do seem to be proving my point about intellect.

How do you manage to leave the house, with this mindset?

A car could mount the pavement and hit you, a stranger could attack you, a helicopter could fall from the sky and land on you.

No, because they normally have somewhere they need to get to.

ETA there's no need to feel defensive: I've done my fair share of rollercoasters myself. But I don't really get this "Oh so brave" admiration for doing it. And I'm not sure it does make sense to view it that way.

Nothing you can do if your car gets side swiped by a truck, door wedged and you go into the water, you get rear ended into a wall and your legs are shattered...

Does that make all people who get in cars "lower intellect"?

Oh good grief this is taking me back....when I was in high school I went on a trip to Alton Towers so I would have been 16 or 17 at this time....and myself and one other girl were the only ones who didn't go on a single ride. Yep. I just couldn't do it.

It seemed like a great idea at the time but once there I just freaked out. I don't blame your DD, OP. Rides are not for everyone.