Dd s boyfriend wants a pre nup .

100% this. ^

If she is planning to consult a solicitor, she will get independent legal advice. That's all you need to know.
Otherwise, OP, this is absolutely nothing to do with you. She is an adult who can make her own decisions, including those of which you may disapprove.
You already know way too much about their financial situation, so just don't ask any more questions and change the subject if it comes up in conversation.

This. ^ I would be giving him a wide berth and certainly not marrying him. I know people have a right to look after their assests and money etc, but if he's so stressed about it that he's already planning what to do when they're divorced, then he really shouldn't be getting married.

@Velveteenrabbitt I would advise your daughter to think carefully about marrying this man. Although, as some people have said, a pre-nup means fuck-all in this country anyway, and you may as well write it all on a paper napkin - with no solicitor involved.

The male partner isn't the one who will be disadvantaged by divorce. If she cheats or abuses him he can divorce her and keep his 70%. Why would the clause need to mention if she cheats or abuses him? The whole point is that the situation isn't equal and she will be disadvantaged by this agreement if he cheats or abuses her and she can't afford to leave. Asinine point to try making.

A pre-nup needs to account for the fact that she will most likely being the one whose career takes a hit if and when they have kids, while his continues to grow while she enables everything behind the scenes.

She will be enabling him to earn that money and also actually helping him by being the main parent

Clearly that can't happen then, why would she enable him to earn a higher salary if it won't benefit her?

I don’t think it’s the pre-nup that’s the issue but the “I can’t afford a house in…..” and “When I have children” - that’s not him looking at himself and his partner as equals / something they’ll do together but something he is doing. It’s an odd figure of speech and one I’ve only heard from men who have turned out to be arses and have subsequently screwed their children and wives over. Obviously that’s my and my friends / colleagues experiences but there’s usually other things not right in the relationships too.

What happens if she doesn’t sign the pre nup?

@CactusPat exactly! Just hard to get away from that really.

Given the terms of this prenup I think she would be better off staying single.

Let him buy the house and she will invest what would have been her deposit in other things. She pays nothing for the upkeep. (Paying towards the bills and mortgage would give her rights if they split up and he wouldn’t want that) And then she has her whole salary to save and invest.

Please urge her to get married before she has kids and becomes more reliant on him financially.

assume youd expect the same of "female" partner for if shes abusive or cheats....its not just men that do it.

It seems sensible. It was the other way around I’d want my daughter to be protected as well.

It doesn’t mean there’s any less love, it’s just being pragmatic about the ins and outs of a marriage.

She needs to get independent legal advice. Not go on discussions and feelings. She needs to protect herself from him and make sure that there financial provisions for time off work, career breaks for kids etc.

a pre-nup for someone on 85k is a bit ridiculous I can’t lie

I earn around 1/2 that and I am on a zero hours minimum wage contract with no qualifications

I can see both sides. YANBU to think it’s not the romantic partnering up for life situation that a marriage should be but he INBU to protect himself. I have seen too many women decide to leave their marriages, and do so, to think he’s BU. Putting myself in your DD’s shoes, I think it might be a dealbreaker but maybe they are both pragmatic. They need to decide how things would go if DD gives up or compromises her career for a family, though.

But your sister started with significantly more than her dh.

This guy doesn’t own anything apart from a bit of savings and investments and they could end up going if he gets made redundant/company goes under.

This

He already doesn’t see her as an equal partner

His friends don’t get it because firstly, in the UK, a prenup isn’t the guarantee he thinks it is. Also whilst he might earn well, he isn’t exactly Mr Moneybags. One hit in the stock market and the company he works for will be issuing P45s
He is PAYE so nothing is set in stone and he isn’t exactly master of his own destiny

His carefully constructed life could fall apart and he doesn’t have the money to sustain it

Marriage is a partnership. If he already doesn’t see your dd as an equal partner then this has red flags flying all over it

What he doesn’t see or isn’t planning on is the long term ups and downs of married life.

What happens if he suddenly can’t provide the 70% of their household income. What happens if she can’t provide the 30% of household income. Life is not set in stone that he will always be the higher earner.

He might have seen his friends going into rented on divorce but does he see any of these men looking after the children f/t or does he just see that they are in rented and giving a portion of money to their ex’s to look after dc.

The courts are very fair when it comes to divorce. Everything is on the table and the starting point is 50/50.

Obviously the person who will be primary carer will be compensated for the impact of looking after dc the majority of time.

My friend did get the family home and her ex was telling everyone how terrible it was. How he was left in a rented flat.

What they didn’t see was he still owned a business, he owned outright a house and a flat, both rented out producing a good income and he had a 6 figure chunk of money in the bank.

He needs to do some growing up and get a significant amount of money behind him before he starts throwing around pre nups

My sister earns much more than her fiancé , and owns her existing flat outright, and they are drafting a prenup. It protects both of them, eg the idea that sis will buy him out if they buy a house together and then split up. It’s in Scotland where apparently assets you bring to the marriage stay yours , and things after the marriage are held in common and are split evenly
it seems very sensible. They’re deeply in love and have no intention of splitting up but better to have things down in writing when you are on good terms than waiting til the wheels might have fallen off

Protecting their deposits is sensible but I would be nervous if they have children and they split up she only get 30 per cent or even day to day expenses he expect your daughter to split as if they were single.

He’s discussing it with you to hopefully get you on side but I doubt he will change. your DD should think carefully about a future where he’s already putting your DD at disadvantage. He has the means to be generous but your posts have not really shown that. I would argue the opposite. He’s being clever with planning unequal future he’s always going to be in a much stronger position and kids won’t change that.

By the time you've got to a place where you earn 85k and bonuses, you've pretty much established yourself in your field.

In City circles this could be a beginners wage.

She will be enabling him to earn that money and also actually helping him by being the main parent and also his career will prioritise hers to the detriment!!! Courts take this kind of thing into account in divorce where the mum being home with the kids and doing all the mental load and physical load at work has allowed dad to climb up the career ladder and then when they split up and she has a menial job to fit around the kids and their lives and husbands job she realises just how much she’s given up for him and he’s now quids in with lots of savings and pensions!!

Inheritance is not automatically treated as a matrimonial asset.

I did actually, and it was fine. We planned for the event beforehand and managed our (joint) finances sensibly. Much later on, he 'provided' while I did a late degree and later still, I 'provided' while he undertook 3 years of full-time training.