Dd s boyfriend wants a pre nup .

Once he’s put that cash into a jointly owned property, the money stops being his individual asset, it becomes equity in a shared asset.

He can’t both spend it on a house and still count it as personal wealth that must be “protected.”

That’s why his logic doesn’t quite hold up, he wants the benefits of shared ownership and the protections of individual ownership, which isn’t how property law works.

He can’t treat the same money both as “spent” (once it’s turned into house equity) and as a “personal asset” to be ringfenced in a prenup later.

So a Declaration of Trust is the right legal tool for protecting unequal ownership of the house, but it’s separate from and serves a different purpose than a prenup.

Not that the TikTok incel accountants he has clearly been listening to would make this distinction...

At the very least if she is signing a prenup she needs legal representation and to ensure that should they split 35 years later she is not penalised for years spent supporting the family with her unpaid labour.

I really could not marry a man like this. I could not marry a man who views the home as “the man’s home” solely because he earns more.

I could not marry a man who would rather see his kids homeless to ensure he gets the home (because let’s face it - he won’t be the primary carer.)

Also pre-nups are not legally binding in the UK.

Now if this was a much older couple, with first marriages / kids behind them and this was their second chance - I would agree with him. But marriage turns most young couples into one unit.

I mean each to their own but this would not work for me.

I'm in two minds about this one. On the one hand I can see how hard he's worked and I think he should feel really proud of himself to get where he's got to - that takes an awful lot of work and determination.

However, I think his background has affected his character in a bad way, too. I think anyone who uses the term "pussywhipped" is on the road to Andrew Tate thinking, and I'd avoid anyone like that like the plague. I certainly think someone like that would get very angry if crossed and I would be scared for my daughter - not necessary physically but in terms of what he'd do in revenge.

He has these plans that don't include him. They do include his frankly feckless family, though - those are the people he aligns himself with.

I think she'll have so many problems with him in the future. Decisions about where to go on holiday - he's paying more, so his decision would hold more weight. Decisions about who to spend Christmas with - he feels at home with his family, so good luck to you seeing her and any children then. Decisions about where to buy a house - it's his money, so he'll decide.

He's a control freak. He's had to be one, so I'm not blaming him for that, but I wouldn't want a relationship with him.

I'd suggest to your daughter that she waits before making a decision. Imagine if they had kids and split up? Good luck to her in having a civil relationship with him. Honestly, I think men like this try to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

I agree, there would need to be some stipulation in there if for example she was a sahm parent or on a pt wage looking after children, he couldn’t just take off with everything.
I think it’s sad that couples have to make these sort of plans but I guess that’s the world we’re living in now.

I think he’s being very sensible given the high failure rate of marriages. I would like to see a change in the law so that all pre marriage assets are not included in marital assets.

Prenups are an increasingly normal way to protect pre-marital assets, and very sensible. They are generally adhered to in the UK, and very much worth the paper they’re written on. Radmacher v Granatino in 2010 is the case that established prenups as having decisive weight. The notion that they’re worthless is very much incorrect.

Marriage is ultimately a legal contract, and as such it’s foolish for anyone to allow romantic notions of love to put them at a disadvantage. That doesn’t mean he, or anyone utilizing a prenup, goes into a marriage expecting it to fail, any more than putting a seat belt on when traveling in a car means you expect it to crash.

It’s important that your daughter employs her own legal representation in negotiating it.

I'm not sure what he is trying to protect here as he has no assets. I'm not sure a pre-nup would help him much but I would advise your daughter to be very cautious about signing anything or marrying a man with this sort of attitude, particularly if she wants to have kids. It does not bode well for a marriage that he's already thinking about this when his main asset is his earning capacity which he will continue to have in the event of divorce. I think it reeks of selfishness and is not the right mindset for marriage.

Is the money in his bank account an asset?

Everybody going on here about pre-marital assets, seem to have not read the OP. He has no assets, just a higher than average salary.

He needs the OP's daughter to help him purchase a property, both with regards to deposit and mortgage repayment.

New money trying to appropriate old-money 'wealth' protecting tactics to their income have a grave lack of understanding about how money (and therefore marriage law) really work.

A Declaration of Trust is not the same as a prenup, and nor does it consider future earnings ffs.

I can understand to some extent his hesitation in potentially having to ‘lose’ half of everything he’s worked hard for in the event of a divorce, even though personally I do see marriage as a partnership where everything is shared.

A couple of points though

• they’re currently splitting everything 60/40 even though he earns more than double - doesn’t seem fair

• she should get it written into the pre-nup that if she gives up work or goes part time to look after their JOINT children, he must compensate her financially for loss of earnings, pension and damage to career progression.

oh how odd.
Yes sounds like he is overcompensating from poor background- carrying that with him.sounds poor in some other qualities if you ask me.

Honestly I would dump him. But then I am not girlfriend.
I think any talk / negotiation re money when marrying at this point in this way is odd.

I’m sensing a problem in the future. A man who asks for 40% of the living costs but is only willing to give 30% of the house in the event of a divorce does not have her best interests or even fairness in mind. Especially when she only earns 25% of the house income.

What about if they have children, should one of them wear cheap clothes and have cheap holidays and the other expensive versions of the same?
Or should they both be rich like daddy while mummy walks 10 paces behind them all?

I don’t see what’s so bad about her wearing cheaper clothes than him? Surely it’s not the higher earners responsibility to clothe their partner in expensive stuff.

also most women are not SAHMs until the kids are 18 anymore, those days are long gone.

were you a SAHM OP?

It is very sensible for him to protect his share, and they should own it and pay the mortgage in the same ratio.

They can look at the situation again if they get married, and again when they have children, so that your DD is protected if she is not earning for a period. You see all the posts on here from women with no money because their H sees it all as his because he earns it. So DD needs to be sure that he is sensible, and wont withhold funds when they have DC.

They need to have these talks now, so that DD doesn't walk into a marriage where she ends up with no money.

The law definitely needs to be changed so that people can protect what they have where one party has investments etc and the other one doesn't.

It is not fair that one party could have £100K and the other party nothing, but walk away with half of it if they marry and divorce.

Are they buying in London? Is your DD able to secure her own financial future by investing in a property herself using the gifted deposit?. 60/40 on a rental is not very fair considering the differences in salaries. If he’s come from a poor background and he’s not exactly a millionaire wonder where he’s got a prenup idea from. It just feels all wrong especially with how he is discussing all this with family and friends.

This.

Are they planning to have children? If so they need to discuss how your daughter will be compensated and put on an equal footing to deal with loss of earnings pension contributions etc pre and post pregnancy; also build in room for financial adjustment to take account of short term or long term disability and injury resulting from pregnancy and childbirth, pain, incontinence etc resulting from childbirth.

Only fair to do so.

Are they splitting everything proportionately. Ie searches, stamp duty, conveyancing fees, even down to future maintenance or redoing the bathroom.

I think it’s fair enough that if in the future they split acrimoniously the one on the lower wages shouldn’t be financially better off just because the other party earnt substantially more where there are no dependencies. Obviously that changes when children come into play.

they need to be able to talk about it like adults without emotions. It’s just money…it doesn’t mean he’s planning on ending the relationship

I can see why he wants to protect his money. In case they split up.

This is not the case. Judges on the whole do reflect on the parties intentions upon entering the marriage, but once children come along less so.

I agree with prenuptial tbh. They dictate what people have prior to marriage. My OH and I were together 6 years before we got married. He has massive investments. I was willing to do a prenuptial and actually mentioned it a few times and he was also mentioning it. Cause you can't guarantee anything. We never got around to it but have been together nearly 2 decades now. I don't see them as a bad thing at all. I think people get way too emotional about it. At the end of the day when you are getting married at that point in time you believe you will be together forever and work through anything. However in life the only thing that is constant is change and people do change, relationships change. You can't guarantee it will last. So why should anyone not want to protect their Investments? If it was the other way around I'd be encouraging your daughter to get a prenup. However the prenuptial should only protect prior wealth not what continues to grow after being married.

Glad me and DH were both totally skint when we got married.
“all my worldly goods I thee endow” Is that not a thing anymore?
If your dd is ok with it then leave her to it. Personally it would upset me but I’m a hopeless romantic dreamer.

I think your DD needs to get some good legal advice - having a prenup is fine, especially to protect assets accumulated before the marriage, but there are lots of scenarios to be considered - children (it's women who take the hit career-wise generally, especially if they have several children) what happens if one partner or children become ill and/or disabled and are unable to work?

I think if you're DD is fine with it, you have to be as supportive as you can while encouraging her to get legal advice before signing anything.