Dd s boyfriend wants a pre nup .

This sounds rather sad to me. I have seen so many men leave their ex-wives (earning low pay because they prioritised child-rearing over career) and their children struggling while the men have plenty of money.

I can see the point of trying to insure against problems that might hit you eg illness, injury, unemployment or other mishaps. But a prenup is insuring against action by your spouse-to-be. A strange thing for someone to do to the person they supposedly love and trust with their life.

In that case, most sensible thing is to not marry at all as it’s not just financial hit you take when a marriage results in divorce, there are other kind of sufferings and long term impact too. Why even get married, just live together, if decide to have kids, keep a balance sheet of who spends how much, otherwise it won’t be fair on female partner for carrying the child, giving birth, taking maternity leave and take more caring responsibilities. That would be sensible as well ell as fair.

i am of an age where my friends’ kids are all getting married. Where there’s considerable wealth coming from only one side it’s usually put into trust.. no need for prenups.

In your DD’s case as others have said, what seems fair to me is for him to ringfence anything he has prior to the marriage.
What he earns (and you earn) during the marriage should be equally split. If he does well it’s bloody well half your DD’s too, he should be lavishing her ans his wife f he can afford to and that’s that! If he’s not happy with that he shouldn’t be getting married. Even someone with equal earning power to him would take a hit salery wise after having children.

So he earns the money, protects it and his assets, while she is his skivvy aupair.

Is she very young, vulnerable, naive or a bit dim not to realise that he clearly has given great thought in how to maximise his position, career and assets, screwing her over in the process.

This

If she is prepared to sign his pre nup, she needs to have all issues like mat leave, costs, childcare, her pension and protections layed out.

He's the sort that would be to busy in his important job to do ANY childcare, expect her to do it, while earning, compromising her career etc.

He clearly doesn't really love her.
He sounds like damaged goods to me.
I wouldn't want her marrying him.

If she wants to marry him, she needs to force the hard conversation about children and childcare.

He'd probably pay the morgage and let her pay food and kids costs, beggaring her in the process.

She clearly doesn't really know him.
Shd has no business buying any house or getting married to him.

I wouldn't be sponsoring any house under such a poor deal for her.

He might not have thought about adding issues of children, if his career is going to be full on, can he do half of all childcare or will he be expecting his wife to go part time give up work, or at least to take on the bulk so as a couple his career is prioritised?

OP says he expects her to stay at home to look after the children.

Yep. The OPs daughter will no doubt be posting on the relationships board in a few years when she can’t afford a coffee at soft play whilst she’s on maternity leave because her high earning DH is insisting she pays her share of the bills and won’t commit to joint finances. Then there will be a big pile on from people saying she was stupid to get in that situation etc.

He may not be. Once I had my baby though DS dad was terrible! Lucky for me I never married him or gave up my job.

How old are they? For me I don't know how to feel about a prenup. Do they want children? Will your DDs partner be the one willing to go on mat leave?

Women tend to draw the short end once they have kids.

If the DD isn't happy with the plan. She can not get married. She needs to think it through. I've seen posts here r.e. divorces where women are gleeful to be able to take 50% of their DP's stuff.

They live in London and he is earning £85k plus bonuses a couple of years out of uni. It seems likely he is on a City track, not that of most people.

im going to assume abusive /controlling because he’s not just wanting to buy a house now protecting who gets what (kind of sensible at the still “dating” stage), but wants a prenup to protect “his” money after building a family with the OP’s dd. That’s a red flag.

He might not have thought about adding issues of children, if his career is going to be full on, can he do half of all childcare or will he be expecting his wife to go part time give up work, or at least to take on the bulk so as a couple his career is prioritised?

OP do make sure your dd has thought about these things for the future. Is this the sort of man she wants to have children with?

Because as soon as something is left up to someone else's good will, no matter how nice or benign the person, you are potentially in deep shit.

With all due respect, the City is not real life for most people.

Because of his attitude so far? He sounds tight, greedy and selfish to me.

Because he’s already taking the piss with splitting the bills 60/40. Given his salary and he apparently wants everything to be proportionate, it should be more like 75/25

Because that is the basis on which safeguarding works.

Yep

Why are we all assuming he'll be a controlling abusive jerk?

He sounds tight to me if they are splitting the bills 60/40 but he earns way more than 3 times her salary. He’s already having her over. It’s all very well him obsessing that he put more into the deposit, but what’s it going to be like when your daughter is on Mat leave? Is he going to be the type to give her a minimal housekeeping allowance each week while he’s swanning around in designer gear and going off on his golf days?

I am not against pre-nups (not that they matter much in uk) to protect assets, company, inheritance, pension or even pre-marital investments or ring fencing a deposit or even different ownerships of a house.

All of this is fine as long as marriage is still equal. If his plan is to protect his marital salary, then he shouldn't get married.

What's even weirder is someone wanting to enter into a legal arrangement with someone to pool all their resources, while simultaneously wanting not to pool all their resources.

At the end of the day if you don't want to share stuff with your partner just don't marry them and avoid the hassle and potential issues if it goes wrong in the first place.

Really? You think it would be fine for him to be walking round in designer labels while his partner is in Primark because it's his money. What a dreadful approach to have to the supposed love of your life.

A prenup only protects what he has on the day they married—she cannot have any of that in the event of a divorce. Everything that is earned DURING the marriage is a marital asset, and is split 50/50–this includes money, property, and pensions earned over the duration of the marriage.