AIBU to have gone ballistic over DS buying alcohol

i think there needs to be some nuance here though.

drinking with no control in a park v being introduced in a controlled environment

My mum did what you did and I ended up an alcoholic… don’t imagine that giving your child alcohol while their brain has not fully developed is doing them any favours.

People who start drinking at 15 or earlier are at a higher risk of developing alcohol use disorder. Statistically.

So was I. But he committed a crime (fake ID) and alcohol damages the brain which continues to develop into his 20s.

My parents would buy me 4 cans of lager to drink at my friends house or our own house if I asked them to, when I was 16.

Agreed, I buy my daughters alcohol have done since she was 15/16. I think limiting it until they are 18 makes some of them go silly when they are away from home.

Again though, "shits and giggles" at 16 seems OTT reaction as it's no that unusual for a sixth former to push boundaries on alcohol. When my DS was at the end of the first year of sixth form college we visited Spain and he was constantly offered beer and could have bought it if he wanted to, it's ridiculous to argue that it is an outlandish notion! It doesn't make you a 'cool' parent to acknowledge that. Personally, I think parents' reaction on this is informed by their own parents attitude. My parents were pretty Liberal and would not be surprised by these attempts at 16 and certainly didn't go ballistic!

We all did it surely? The natural consequence is that he got caught and will now be embarrassed about going in the shop again.

If he doesn't accept photo ID how does he identify someone's age?

As a parent of what I consider to be normal well behaved middle class boys, now at uni, you’re wrong.

This thread perfectly illustrates why so many teenagers don't appreciate their responsibilities and respect for the law.... no one seems remotely concerned he committed a criminal offence.

"Under the Identity Documents Act 2010, it is illegal to possess or use a fake, altered, or borrowed ID, such as for gaining entry to venues or purchasing alcohol. The law applies to documents like passports, driving licences, and other official forms of identification." Link

I appreciate it's unlikely he would be prosecuted at 16 for buying booze, but he would for using a fake driving license.

I think a bit of a telling off is a normal response. Not ballistic though.

Agree with the person on page one who asked what he was trying to buy. A four pack of beers is different to a litre of vodka.

Do you let him have the odd drink at home? I believe that's legal

It is. Sixth formers drink and vape. Some take drugs. They're teenagers

Did he not do the festival thing this summer … Leeds/reading? That’s where a lot of 16 year olds go to get wasted, it’s tradition.

I work in a convenience store and it absolutely is still normal for young people to do this. We only accept passports and drivers licenses and if they have it on their person. We don’t accept photos of ID on phones because they can and are easily doctored usually badly

How did you find out about this btw? My daughter did similar at a younger age than your son. She’s only recently told me what she used to get up to as she’s now an adult. And as she cheerfully pointed out “there’s fuck all you can do about it”.

My DD16 was getting DD18 to buy her cans of vodka sprite from the garage. I didn't go ballistic as 2 cans of vodka sprite is not a huge amount of alcohol, all her friends get wasted at parties and she doesn't want to feel left out by not having an alcoholic drink whilst they do that. Plus I was doing MUCH worse at that age. Teenagers want to experiment. I did sit her down and tell her she shouldn't put her sister in that position and said if she is going to a party again to talk to me instead. I am not a cool mum. DD18 doesn't drink , we don't host parties and neither child or their friends have had alcohol in my house. But I do know teenagers and this is really normal behaviour. Better buy it for them rather than them necking straight vodka.

The friends I had who drank, smoked and did the most drugs at that age were the ones whose parents protested it all the most fiercely. It gave them something easy and concrete to rebel against. Your son is going to encounter alcohol and worse through his life - the best thing you can do for him is be straight forward about the pros and cons, and not make it into a forbidden fruit.

I think it may be a bit harsh to go ballistic. You are lucky you have made it to Y12! Me and my friends were regularly drinking in Y11, in fact we were going out clubbing after we did our GCSEs. I realise that times are different and shops / bars are much stricter now, but I think wanting to have a few drinks with mates is quite normal at 16.

In the nicest possible way it is not uncommon. We had an incident with DD2 aged 15 with vodka (a friend had given her) and it actually served a good purpose and curbed it. I could have gone ballistic but didn’t we talked about it. She knew I was disappointed. I think rather than go ballistic I’d start a conversation.

your comment was sexist and unfair. I’m so tired of the way some people constantly belittle boys.

Thats what teenagers do. We had some older lads who hung around with us and they would get our ale for us when we were underage.
Fun times.
Surely getting drunk as a teenager is a rite of passage?

Because at that age they tend to be better verbally, on the spot thinking and better forward planners.

Broadly speaking, across the board, there isn't a significant difference, girls perform better at some tasks, boys better at others, however we're talking about some specific skills here, not all possible areas of measurement.

In the 'being devious and sneaky' stakes and planning things, having thought of multiple angles... girls of 16 being a bit more mentally mature than boys of 16 will usually do a bit better.

Not a crap comment, I just didn't think it entirely necessary to dig deep into the developmental differences of adolescent humans.

OP He is going to drink, whether he buys it himself or a friend gives it to him.

Think like a teenager, what will he do if he has too much to drink when he is out? He doesn't want you 'going ballistic' so he might decide to sleep it off on a park bench.

IMHO all teens should have one 'get out of jail free' card. What I mean by that is that if they are in trouble whether that is too much to drink or it is trying a drug and not liking it or whatever. One time, they can call you and say they are in trouble and you will get them. No arguments, no ballistic, just get them home safe.

I'm not saying that you DS will take drugs or drink to excess but it is a possibility and if he does you want him at home.

I would be upset that he was sneaky.
At 16, I had a fake ID for going out clubbing.
There is no point in going ballistic, a chat would have been better.
He's at an age where he needs to be able to experience life without you going ballistic, if he needs help from an adult then he won't be able to come to you without the worry about your reaction.

It really is

I wouldn't be too concerned about the booze, but I would explain to him that while using a doctored ID may seem a bit of a laugh, technically it's "Fraud by False Representation" under Section 2 of the Fraud Act 2006 which is a criminal offence. (maximum sentence 10 years!)

It's very unlikely he would be prosecuted at 16, but at 18 it could be a very different outcome if he is found in possession of a falsified ID.

I know from personal experience how easy it is to casually ignore the law at a young age....best to get the wake up call at home, not the magistrates court.