AIBU to have gone ballistic over DS buying alcohol

Of course it’s normal behaviour. Teens have been doing this for decades and longer. It’s part of experimentation and separating from you. All you’ve achieved by going ballistic is him hiding more from you in future.

I find a firm, no shit, but loving response better.

At the end of the day, if he gets drunk and in trouble, would you rather your relationship was build on trust and respect, and he felt able to call you for help? Or that he festers somewhere drunk, unsafe and alone?

I think it’s very normal, it’s a right of passage. I would be buying my teenage kids alcohol within reason (not litres of spirits). I would rather they tried and drank at home than had bottles of white lightening in a field like our day. My parents definitely brought me wkd for a party at 15/16, it wasn’t a big deal and as an adult I hardly drink.

So if he wants to try heroine or ketamine, mum should just suggest he can try it at home? Is that your parenting style?

Woah, parents buying booze for teenagers, that's wrong... But that's just my personal opinion .

It would be seriously worse if she didn't care at all and laughed it off as he is a teenager,he will grow out of it..It is not easy having teenagers,it's a minefield of emotions and possibe issues.

LOL. Tell me you know very little about six formers without telling me…

It’s very very very normal. Also normal for parents to buy their kids beers to take to a party.

Speak for yourself. I’ve never gone verbally (or physically) ballistic at any of my children, ever.

Every parent goes verbally ballistic occasionally as long as it's not on a regular basis .she can say I'm sorry I lost my rag with you but it's because I love you son and don't want you to become a heavy drinker.

No way should she buy him booze .It's not the correct way to address a teenager who is drinking.I expect that now she has calmed down,she can have a talk with him about the health risks of getting into alcohol consumption

Going "ballistic" is never good parenting. It implies a loss of control.

Congrats.

You will probably just have encouraged him to buy weed off his mates instead.

Dealers don't tend to obey the same rules of the law shops do.

Maybe next time he wants to buy something get him a few cans of lowish alcohol lager. That way he will be able to have a drink, but not do himself any damage like if he were necking litres of vodka.

I agree and ok a lot of teens do it but that doesn't make it okay and she is within her rights to be ballistic, as it's her son, who she cares about.It is not her friend it is her son and she's trying to set boundaries and discourage him from doing it again.
It's not funny to a mother , it's concerning as is the way to feel.

Nobody asked for ID when I was that age (luckily).
I would just tell my DS that he had been daft and could have got into trouble and added a couple of cans of Radler to the Ocado shop for him

I was in the pub at 14

It doesn’t work like that though.

The whole narrative about “demystifying” alcohol by making it accessible, “glass of wine with water” “drink like the French”, bla bla bla is largely narrative of denial by people who don’t want to face how much they are drinking.

My dad came out with stuff like this all the time and he was a high functioning alcoholic.

Making alcohol seem normal normalises it and massively increases the chances that your child will want to drink it. It doesn’t make it seem “sophisticated” or “continental”. Its just putting booze in front of your kids.

I don’t think what your DS has done is a disaster and hopefully its an opening for you to talk to him about sensible drinking.

But it really annoys me that people pile on to normalise this by saying things like “classic!” and “rite of passage”. Heavy drinking is grim and ruins lives. A bit of teenage experimentation is fairly harmless but the way people shrug their shoulders and wink at it honestly gives me the chills.

@OnePunnyKoala it is both normal and expected behaviour. The outliers are the ones who don't do it at all (I have one of those and 2 who drank tinned cocktails at parties)

He chanced his arm and he was unsuccessful. Just waiting until you find out he smoked a solid behind the PE building and made himself feel sick.

It's not a fast track to a life of addiction. It's youthful rebellion and experimentation.

Im just surprised that he’s got to 16 before being caught trying to buy alcohol, and presumably your son or his friends have managed to do so many times before. I think you’re being incredibly naive to think that it’s not common for teenagers to try to buy alcohol - it’s completely normal for 16 year olds to be drinking and experimenting with other substances. I doubt you would find many young people who had not drunk alcohol or smoked weed by 16.

Oh yes, it really is. In fact it's the teenage years that most people start to experiment with anything and everything they can get their hands on. Unless you're a god fearing family or lived in a very different societal set up elsewhere, this is all pretty standard stuff. He's 16. Let him have a drink at home and don't make alcohol a forbidden fruit.

Depends what outcome you want. Obviously not that he never does it again. What did you want? If it was to annoy him and have zero impact on him doing it again, well done. Don't see the issue.

Telling him you are disappointed, talking about the risks of alcohol and also the meanness of risking a shop keepers livelihood = sensible. I'd also be stopping pocket money for a period as well.

Going "ballistic" - yabu. Thats losing control as a parent. And harming your relationship. And meaning they won't come to you if they make a mistake and need help. And drives behaviour underground.

By all means give him a bit of a telling off as a token gesture, but this is such normal 16-year-old behaviour that I can’t believe you felt it warranted a thread really.

Oh dear! Poor lad must be mortified. I’ve let my year 7 try a sip of alcohol, they spat it out and say they never want to try it again, but no doubt that will change by year 12! If they are going to drink (agree they wouldn’t in an ideal world) then it needs to be at home, somewhere safe, drinking v low alcohol legit drinks.

To go ballistic? Yes, YABU.

To calmly educate him on the potential repercussions of identity fraud and committing a crime, YANBU.

Have you taught him about responsible drinking at home? Or are you one of these parents who restrict everything and then wonder why everything goes wrong once their child becomes an adult and that control goes?

Just remember that your behaviour also teaches him when he can and can’t come to you if he ends up in a situation in the future he needs support and help getting out of. Is he really going to go to the parent who goes ballistic at him? Of course he won’t.

16 year old girls are generally more mature than 16 year old lads.
My DD, nearly 17, her male friends act 12.

Standard 6th form behaviour - youngest DD and all her friends had fake IDs by then, they order them online. Sometimes they work, sometimes they get confiscated by a more clued up shop / bar. If he isn’t buying it, someone else will - it’s a very naive parent who thinks the vast majority of 6th formers aren’t buying booze and getting very drunk at parties (not all I hasten to add, my other chid doesn’t drink at all)
Were you not doing the same at that age? We certainly all did in the 90s. Keep the conversation open and it becomes less of an issue.