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Original poster

How would you feel about this if I was your DIL?

628 replies

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:22

It’s my husband’s 40th next year, and we’ve been talking about booking a holiday to celebrate. The idea came up in front of my parents, and they said they’d love to come along. My husband was fine with that, so I went ahead today and booked flights for a 4-night break. It’ll be me, my husband, our two kids and my parents.

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

There’s no plan to invite them, Id rather not go if they did to be honest! (and my husband isn’t bothered at all about them being there), but I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

For context, we get on much better with my parents. They’re very easy-going, and my husband would definitely agree. My FIL, on the other hand, can be quite difficult, and I’m not particularly close to him or my MIL.

OP posts:
CoastalCalm · 27/10/2025 18:48

I’m shocked your parents haven’t brought this up as being inappropriate

Calamitousness · 27/10/2025 18:48

Doesn’t matter if they’re hard work or who you both prefer. Though surely your husband loves his parents more. I mean he may superficially prefer a chat with your dad but your parents are your parents. I’d rapidly invite them if I was you. You’re totally unreasonable.

Icecreamisthebest · 27/10/2025 18:47

Op this is so incredibly hurtful. And damaging for not only your relationship with his parents but all his extended family who are all going to think less of you in future.

I agree with those who say your parents should not go.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/10/2025 18:47

I mean, having your face rubbed in the fact your son likes someone else’s parents more than you? Jeez.

I mean, life isn’t a popularity contest, but still!

Do you really to think about everyone involved when you make a plan?

TidyDancer · 27/10/2025 18:47

So it is on his birthday then? Yeah OP you’re so far out of line on this one I don’t even know how to describe it. They will be rightfully very hurt and you have behaved horribly. Invite them or move the trip.

Hello39 · 27/10/2025 18:47

Nah...
You are going on holiday with your dh and parents (happens to be over his birthday).
You are having a 40th birthday party when you get back and everyone is invited.

I don't see the issue...pil and my parents would have no interest in coming on a holiday with us.

and you say we never do stuff with his parents for our birthdays Why is 40th suddenly different

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 27/10/2025 18:47

This would upset me but I would try not to show it.

Do they usually acknowledge/celebrate birthdays? Seems a bit mean if there is no back story.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 27/10/2025 18:46

Don’t your parents think this is odd OP?

Go away on your own, not with your parents.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/10/2025 18:46

I'd be very hurt.

I really think this is a situation where both sets if parents get an invite, neither do or just his do, since its his birthday.

How sad for them to be excluded from a family holiday on his special birthday

Original poster
MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:46

outofofficeagain · 27/10/2025 18:39

I would be pissed off.

This feels like a completely manufactured and avoidable drama.

you could have gone away at any other time of the year to ‘celebrate’

You chose to organise a holiday over your DH’s 40th inviting your parents but’forgot’ about his.

You may get on better with his but you seem determined to point that out to everyone.

It’s shitty behaviour and you know it.

My husband wanted to go away over his actual birthday, I suggested going a couple of months earlier but he didn't want to.

OP posts:
Aveen102 · 27/10/2025 18:46

Surely it's up to your DH. If this is what he wants. Did he not want to invite his own parents?

DaisyChain505 · 27/10/2025 18:45

The only important opinion in this scenario belongs to our husband.

If he would not enjoy a holiday with his own parents that’s the deciding factor.

If his parents have anything to say about the matter he can deal with them.

Purpleturtle45 · 27/10/2025 18:45

Yeah that's really bad, especially if you are away for his actual birthday! I can't believe between you, your husband and your parents none of you thought of them!

Vitriolinsanity · 27/10/2025 18:45

Honestly I would be really cheesed off.

Makingadecision · 27/10/2025 18:45

Yep. I’d be hurt. If you have sons try and think about this applying to them. You give birth to them, love them, support them….and don’t get to celebrate their milestone birthday but the parents of their wife do!!!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/10/2025 18:45

I’m pretty laid back, but… I’d be really hurt that my son was celebrating his big birthday with his in laws.

You really misplayed this. I don’t know how you can come back from it, to be honest.

Go away as a couple or with your DC, yes. Go away with someone else’s parents? Wow.

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 18:44

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:41

If I'm totally honest, I just didn't think. They didn't occur to me when making plans for my own husband. We have been together 17 years and we never do stuff with his parents for our birthdays.

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Then you need to start thinking and invite them, or tell your parents they can no longer come.

EchoedSilence · 27/10/2025 18:44

You didn't think your husbands own parents might like to celebrate their own sons birthday?

SparklyBrickViper · 27/10/2025 18:43

Shitty behaviour.

From your response though I don’t think anything said here will make any difference. As you’ve already said, “their hard work” “you get on better with your parents” etc, etc.

Maybe they don’t “make the effort” because they’re matching the energy?

GardenGaff · 27/10/2025 18:43

I’m surprised your parents have gone along with this too, with no mention or thought for your DH parents.

Says a lot about you all I suppose.

Anonymouseposter · 27/10/2025 18:43

If I were them I wouldn’t say anything but I would feel a bit upset. If you and your parents just didn’t think that makes you very thoughtless.

NokiaRock · 27/10/2025 18:43

It’s weird to invite your parents on a 40th birthday trip, but if you’re going to, you should invite his parents, too. So yes, YABU and mean.

I wouldn’t believe your “Oops, I didn’t even think to invite you, sorry!’” if I were his parents and would be hurt.

SloppySocks · 27/10/2025 18:43

youalright · 27/10/2025 18:34

If it was just you and husband it wouldn't be a problem but the fact you've invited your parents and not his is horrible

I totally agree with this. It’s the not even talking to them about it and offering to include them. It would be fine if no parents were involved.

SeemedClear · 27/10/2025 18:43

Naws · 27/10/2025 18:28

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

That was convenient considering you've said you wouldn't want to go if they did.

And yes, they're very likely to be upset at the thought of you and your parents celebrating their son's 40th, without so much as a single thought towards them.

I agree.

Either no parents invited or both sets.

Turn it round OP, how would you feel if this were your DC’s. Their partners parents invited but not you.

Original poster
MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:43

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 27/10/2025 18:39

Sounds like you are the one who is hard work.

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Because we prefer my parents company to his?

OP posts: