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Original poster

I know I’m being an idiot but feel so upset

40 replies

Daisydoo73 · 27/10/2025 17:05

So earlier my 6 year old made a comment and said if me and husband ever broke up he would live with his dad, I totally acted like a child myself and stormed off and then had a go at my son telling him how hurtful things like that are to say. I know I’ve acted totally immature, but I feel so gutted (we aren’t splitting up) but just so hurt that he said it, he is a daddy’s boy through and through and I’ve often struggled with that as I feel useless as it is, I know I sound pathetic, I don’t think it’s helped that I am hormonal to. I feel like I just want to get being a mum right so bad but I overthink it so much. My son has adhd so most days can be pretty challenging, he calls me names most days and is very explosive and I can deal with that I just ignore it and explain how we don’t say this, but this comment just got me today. My son only wants me in the night to sleep in bed with him which I love as that’s are little time and one time I feel he wants me other than his dad, I know I sound pathetic, my dad was a narc himself and I don’t want to be like him but I feel like I am being like him right now sat in a huff about what my son has said.

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/10/2025 18:06

Don’t panic. Tell him you’re sorry you shouted. Tell him you were really upset because you try really hard to be a good Mum, and want him to be happy. Then tease him gently about managing through the night without you- maybe you could live with Dad but come home to me for bedtimes!

Shegotanology · 27/10/2025 17:58

Both my DDs prefer their Dad as he's soft as shit.

TheOccupier · 27/10/2025 17:55

Tell him neither of you would want him and he'd have to go to an orphanage. That'll learn him.

Kbroughton · 27/10/2025 17:54

WhoaaaBodyform · 27/10/2025 17:37

The OP is saying that her son has ADHD - she doesn't.

I don't think ADHD has anything to do with it in this case though; he's 6, and at 6, things are very black and white. I don't think there's anything hurtful here and although OP is entitled to feel a bit upset by it, there's nothing to gain from doing so. If her son had said he'd live with her rather than his dad, I'm sure she wouldn't have given it a second thought?

So OP, kindly - yes, you are being an idiot! But at least you know it and you'll get over it soon 💐

Show quote history

If the child has ADHD it's very possible one of the parents has it. Women generally tend to be diagnosed later. I was diagnosed at 48 after my daughter was. Critisism hits very hard with ADHD and the OPs response is not a 'usual' one. I think the comment is spot on and i would advise the OP to seek support. Also I think you and your husband we'd support to deal with your 6 year old as ADHD is not an excuse for bad behaviour.

Skybluepinky · 27/10/2025 17:48

That’ll be the reason they chose their dad, dual it back or if you do split up you could be very lonely.

Original poster
Daisydoo73 · 27/10/2025 17:47

I know I’m being an idiot and unreasonable I wasn’t looking for anyone to tell me otherwise as I totally know, and feel ashamed by it all, not quite sure how the best way to repair is now

OP posts:
WhoaaaBodyform · 27/10/2025 17:37

pimplebum · 27/10/2025 17:21

You were v disregulated and had impulse control failure

standard adhd life

it’s how you pick up the pieces and mend the relationship that counts now

The OP is saying that her son has ADHD - she doesn't.

I don't think ADHD has anything to do with it in this case though; he's 6, and at 6, things are very black and white. I don't think there's anything hurtful here and although OP is entitled to feel a bit upset by it, there's nothing to gain from doing so. If her son had said he'd live with her rather than his dad, I'm sure she wouldn't have given it a second thought?

So OP, kindly - yes, you are being an idiot! But at least you know it and you'll get over it soon 💐

40andlovelife · 27/10/2025 17:37

It’s great and extremely important for boys to have a bond with their dad. It’s how they learn to be a man as they grow up. You are doing a great job to have facilitated this!

Octavia64 · 27/10/2025 17:26

This sort of thing is very very standard for children to say. Mine said it to both parents depending on which one was currently annoying them most.

as you say, his aim was to hurt you presumably because you wouldn’t let him dissect his sister/torture the cat/watch TV and he knows he got what he wanted.

they say it to hurt. In the heat of the moment. It doesn’t mean it’s true. You know that.

MasterBeth · 27/10/2025 17:23

He's 6!!!!!!

Tealpins · 27/10/2025 17:21

I mean it's not hurtful to say that is it? So you are being unreasonable.

My 9 year old gives us scores out of 10. DH gets a higher score than me. I think it's funny and actually quite reassuring about their bond.

As you say, this is obviously touching a much deeper set of buttons about your own childhood. It's reminding me of that Philippa Perry book about not passing on your own childhood difficulties. She would say seek out therapy but I realise that hugely expensive - maybe look at her book on parenting?

pimplebum · 27/10/2025 17:21

You were v disregulated and had impulse control failure

standard adhd life

it’s how you pick up the pieces and mend the relationship that counts now

Orangefoxglove · 27/10/2025 17:17

YANBU to be upset but YABU to respond as you did (although it is quite understandable to have done so)

HedwigEliza · 27/10/2025 17:14

As you said, you acted like a child yourself. Very juvenile response on your part.

Sleepyandtiredandlazy · 27/10/2025 17:11

He calls you names OP?
Do you or your H challenge him on that because he shouldn't be allowed to think that is normal or acceptable behaviour.