Hygiene and cleanliness peevs

I am with you op. There’s no way I could live with someone like that. Absolutely horrible and frustrating.

You’re not planning to have dc with him are you? Because he’s showing you how lazy he is. You don’t want kids with a lazy man.

Those of you who think it’s fine to shower less than once a day and are having a pop - you’re missing the point, it doesn’t matter what you think, it’s the fact that it’s upsetting the op. It’s not enough for her. There’s no changing him so he has to go.

That's what I think. If someone had questionable hygiene I would detect this in the early stages of dating with stale smells, clothes aren't fresh etc.

Eh? A shower a day is normal! You need to be clean and not smelling at work (anything else is unprofessional): most adults smell if they haven’t showered/bathed in 24 hrs. (You might think you don’t; but I have a good sense of smell and I can tell you that if you haven’t washed, yes you do!) It’s also just basic respect to everyone around you to have decent personal hygiene.

The difficulty is that there are no set rules and individual requirements and perception of what is right varies enormously.
I think some of the posts on here are quite extreme.
If these differences really bother you OP, it's probably wise to check out

There's nothing revolting about sweating a bit - fresh sweat should not smell, and it takes some time for bacteria to change that.

One, two, or three showers per week and daily clean underwear should be sufficient for most people.

Maybe you should move in with the stinky boyfriend if showering once a day is some kind of OCD deal-breaker!

Showering once a day is kind of standard, isn't it? More of you've been to the gym or work in a physical/dirty job.

"Harmful" how? I've been showering at least once a day and usually twice, for over 40 years now. My skin is fine.

This! I couldn't go on sharing a bed, much less engaging in sexual activities, with someone who only showered twice a week.

Personally, I wouldn't have been dating someone who only showered twice a week for very long. Add in musty smelly clothes and stinky sheets, um no. Moving in, oh hell no.

I can see every other day when there's skin issues and that, but sorry, when bacteria starts growing on you, I can smell it. Ick.

No 😑 I have night sweats, it would be disgusting for myself and everyone around me if I didn’t shower first thing in the morning. Trust me, you might think you’re doing fine with 2 showers a week but your colleagues and whoever is stuck next to you on a bus will think differently.

yuck what a lazy git he is, I’d be moving back out to be honest.

Daily shower not necessry and can be harmful o your skin

partner being able to smell him and him using deodorant to cover up smells - he needs more showers

https://www.bbc.co.uk/culture/article/20240423-theres-no-need-to-shower-every-day-heres-why

Why do you think that? Do you spray deodorant or perfume on that decays, smells awful, and needs washing off?

Totally disagree, one shower a day is a necessity for me and everyone I know.

Very few people need to shower every day. Twice per week should be fine unless he has some sort of physical problem. Having said that, showering before sex is the polite thing to do.

Very few people need to shower every day. Twice per week should be fine unless he has some sort of physical problem. Having said that, showering before sex is the polite thing to do.

Are you going to have to nag him to undertake the most basic hygiene further next 60 years?

Move out and get someone who isn't filthy.

Christ. It’s disgusting to not shower every day. People shit. That alone should be enough to make someone jump in the shower with a bar of soap for 5 minutes at least.

I don’t understand how it got to the point of cohabiting? Surely you knew how often he showered? Where did he live before, what state was it in? Was he keeping his place tidy before you moved in, and then now you’ve moved in he sees it as your job? Or was his place always cleaned to below what you’d be happy with?

End it. Seriously. I have just ended a 4 year relationship after 18 months cohabiting and he just got worse throughout it. He did less and less, I lost all respect and love for him. I didn't want to be close to or intimate with him. You'll spend your time "nagging" which will make you lose respect for him. He should have basic hygiene standards, out of basic consideration.

You just described my partner to a tee and it's exhausting and won't get any better. I'm 2 yrs in and he showers less then your do and does smell and I'm constantly having to nag until he'll wash. He wasn't as bad at the beginning, get out now as you'll end up arguing all the time,I wish I had.

Yes, people have different standards, and what's "basic" for you might not be for him.
Do you like him enough to spend time and effort training him? It might be possible if he's always lived with parents or shared accommodation previously. You'll need to explain how to clean a kitchen and hang out laundry, and that showering infrequently is a real turn-off. But whatever you do, you shouldn't accept this standard now, otherwise he'll never change.

This isn’t going to work, @ellie09 …

So many red flags here.

the hygiene is gross. I hope you’re not having sex with him when he hasn’t showered for multiple days.

the effort around the house would be enough to end things too. He isn’t going to wake up one day and suddenly put in the effort. This is who he is and you’re going to grow to resent him more and more.

One shower a day is standard, anything less is borderline rank.