Hygiene and cleanliness peevs

I don't agree that the dirty smell you prefer is better than the clean smells you dislike.

I wouldn't move in with someone who doesn't shower at least once a day full stop, let alone put up with it for several months.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who would be ok with ME not showering at least once a day either.

OK, so, I had a friend like this. Not a partner, but a good friend. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I went to stay with them for a week. It was so horrendous that part way through my stay I sat them down and asked if anyone had ever actually taught them how to keep themselves and their home hygienic, and pleasant for others to be around. It was an embarrassing conversation all round, but this was a good friend and I felt I owed it to them. I ended up giving them a crash course in home cleaning and personal hygiene, and left them with a list of suggestions stuck on the notice board in the kitchen. It genuinely did help them. Given that this man is a partner, someone you are living with, I think you are going to have to do the same, and to explain that these are non-negotiable, these are basic standards for adult living that he needs to adhere to. Good luck.

If you can't accept these things and he isn't willing to change, there are only two questions you need to ask: can you live with it for the rest of your life and if not, then what do you want to do about it?

Personally, I've not yet seen anyone successfully force anyone to change. You can only change your own perspective. If that's not possible, then it's either a never ending conflict or you need to part ways before the said conflict ruins your lives.

PinkyFlamingo

op said at least once a day which to me said more than once a day. Fine iIn the summer when you’re sweating in the morning and after work but I just find it a bit much in cold weather.

Give over a daily shower is normal

He showers twice a week? That would be it for me 🤢

Twice a week is not enough - I do miss an occasional day if I’m not doing much but I do think I have a bit of a stink the next morning (I am now single and would never have got into bed with anyone if I hadn’t showered that day).

Some days I have a quick wash in the sink and maybe a long bath at night.

Those who say showering too often is bad surely can only mean if you’re in the shower for ages scrubbing vigorously - a quick freshen up has surely never damaged anyone?

Shower every day, or twice if going out after work or after the gym / pool
Change underwear every day.
Fresh towels 3 times a week, otherwise hang up to dry in between showering.
Fresh clean bedding at least twice a week, more often in the summer if very hot n sticky.
Clean pyjamas every other night.
Wash jeans once a week.

Eh? Total hyperbole. Having a shower once a day isn’t remotely the same as washing towels after every use or showering “several times a day”.

Oh good grief yes - I smell a lot more horrible chemical smells than BO when out and about - laundry, perfumes , deodorants - why are people so obsessed about fake smells ?

It's always an eye opener to see what clean freaks other people are on Mumsnet. No wonder women say they have no time for hobbies when they are washing towels after every use and having a shower several times a day. I wonder that they have any skin left.

Oh god that’s gross. Even once a day is gross! How can anyone get dressed in the morning without showering ? And how can anyone get into bed without showering? Twice a day minimum here! Imaging having sex with someone who hasn’t showered for 2-3 days !!!

It’s always an eye opener to see how many people are fine with very poor hygiene!

Can't you have a relationship without living together.

These threads always end up arguing amongst ourselves about showering frequency. Once a day is my preference doesn’t have to take ages just in wash and out again. Hair washing 3/4 times a week obviously takes longer.
However if your new boyfriend isn’t on his best behaviour now then he never will be. I’d leave.

Showering every other day is fine, at this time of year in the UK anyway. I'd hate to have someone checking up on how often I shower. The laundry thing is just weaponised incompetence though and he needs to learn how to do it properly as it's just pointless and wasteful his way.

The thing is how much does any of this bother you? DH can be a bit messy and scruffy, and so can I, although I am more organised. There is no fundamental lack of compatibility on it. Whereas if you have a neat freak and someone who is messy, one or both of you are going to get very annoyed and may not be able to live together.

😳 this is grim. If u defacate daily, sweat etc, why wouldn't you want to shower daily?

It would take more than a day to start smelling like that. More likely to be either dirty clothes or stale deodorant - both worse than most body odour.

I've got a fairly sensitive nose and find scented washing powder, air fresheners, artificial scents, and deodorant smells on people really unpleasant. Give me BO over that lot any day!

But each to his/her own 🙂

It’s a kind of musty/oily/greasy smell, and tbh most adults do have BO if they haven’t showered that day. Plus a lot of people smell of garlic/food oils in their sweat too, which is even stronger the next day. (Lots of eg. jarred pasta sauces, pizzas etc. have garlic powder or garlic concentrate added, for example, so people often eat quite a bit of garlic without noticing it.) But those of us with sensitive senses of smell do notice!

I am amazed that so many friends give me random hugs when we meet or leave given I don’t shower every day and therefore absolutely must smell totally rank - they must be so brave

and no I don’t drive hugs as I am not that effusive

How would you know who has or has not showered daily? There's a difference between not smelling of shampoo and actually having BO.

We all smell of something, being mammals, and there's nothing wrong with that. Saying that people stink after not showering for twenty-four hours is ridiculous in most cases, however.

The lack of showers would be a definite turn off for me. The musty washing does not surprise me- i have noticed this on single male colleagues.

Surely it's normal to wash though - best to use a lota.

Showering twice a week is not enough. Most men I know are hairy and sweaty so need to wash more. I think he is likely to get lazier over time.