Cold heartless daughter

Agree with PP that you sound melodramatic. How bad was this fall that two grown men had to help you hobble home? How often are you crying in front of your child?

Sounds like your child feels she can’t be the crying one because you always are. This is a form of parentification and is exactly why people try not to over-cry in front of their children. It’s not the child’s job to comfort the adult.

My dd is and always has been like this. It’s extremely weird in our family as we are all caring by nature and many of us by profession even. She is missing an empathy chip somewhere. She isn’t nasty, she just doesn’t react with immediate sympathy where other people might. I have schooled her in what the more middle of the road responses are and she does have sympathy for people and can see WHY they might be upset or whatever-but her immediate natural reactions are a bit off. I suspect she has ADHD mildly.

I’m sure there is a back story, if I turned up hobbling after a shopping trip my oldest two around the same wouldn’t be eye rolling me and saying I always make a drama…
They would be genuinely concerned that I had done something serious to myself, mine are boys, but im not sure that makes a difference as I can’t imagine my niece saying similar to her my sister if she was injured either.
My children will tell me regularly if I’m being ‘cringe’ and I get a few eye rolls and general sass but if I’m injured, unwell etc they may be thoughtless but not lacking in empathy. Your description of her sounds a little ofd but if she genuinely lacks social graces, is uncaring and lacks empathy then I would be looking at why that may be.

A friend complained about an incident. She was with her husband in some public place and she had a fall. Some strangers helped her to her feet and asked kind questions. Her husband had just disappeared until everything was over. He didn't want to be embarrassed. And yes, he is ASD. Explains a lot.

How badly were you injured? I expect you went straight to the hospital if it was that bad?

I’ve had a slipped disc twice. I took myself to A&E both times. It was a struggle, but I never needed supporting by strangers.

Agreed. If my kids saw me crying, or being helped by 2 workmen they'd be concerned because it would be so unusual. Doesn't sound like it is for the OP.

I remember my aunt falling down 4 slippery stone steps and my cousin poking her with his foot, hissing at her to get up. He was 10 and just embarrassed, he is in his 60s now and the kindest, caring man ever.
It's an age thing, dont worry.

She didn't kick a kitten or smack a pensioner in the face. You seem to have overreacted a bit.

TBF constant crying and drama has me rolling my eyes as well.

Sounds like this sort of "event" is quite common with you?

I had to get home alone after breaking my lower back and my similar aged DD was very concerned. I made it home alone though so I’d be interested in what damage you had that meant you needed two men to help you.

Surprised how many people think this is a normal behaviour for an 11 year old; my 15 and 11 year old boys absolutely would not react like that I know with every fibre of my being. They would be concerned and check I am ok.

Or maybe OP is one of those people who cries at the drop of a hat, and her DD is fed up of it.

Sure, so would my DD. But then, if I had to be walked home by two men after a fall, it would be such an unusual occurrance that we'd all know that at this point, I'd probably need DH to drive me to the hospital.

Also, let's not forget that tweens and teens can find a parent expressing ANY emotion embarassing. If I dare to have a short conversation or a little joke with someone in a queue or the person serving us in a restaurant, he's convinced they're thinking, "oh my god, this woman is psycho" whereas I tend to think they're not thinking anything beyond having a brief, pleasant interaction ion the middle of their day! The kid will die if he ever goes to America and sees the bouncy service and chat! :)

Sounds like your scapegoat child is already seeing the real you. You could be my mother when I was that age. I wish I had eye rolled too instead of always taking on her dramas and becoming a people pleaser.

More that some of us have experience of family members expecting us to be the carer and adult from a young age. Overly emotional dramatics from a mother are draining and make a child grow up far too fast.

The posters saying their daughter would be concerned, perhaps they wouldn't be if you were crying and expecting sympathy every bloody day. For years.

I guarantee there would be a point they rolled their eyes.

What mother calls her 11 year old child cold and heartless. If anything is wrong with a young child's character, guess whose fault it really is?

I was embarrassed to even see my parents in public at that age let alone one falling over and having to be picked up by work men 🤣🤣 your emotions are not your daughters responsibility, at that age they only care about themselves, empathy comes with age

I don't think it's cold. I think it is a pretty normal reaction for an 11 year old. Children fall a lot with no issue so they're not going to see it as a big deal.
I do wonder if you do dramatise things with the comment she made and the way you have described your DD.

I read a very similar post last year - are there Midwich Cuckoo daughters behaving strangely all over the UK or is the same story again ?

This response is spot on!

Reminds me of me as a child too. My mum would get drunk and be extremely over emotional and lean on me for support and then also scold me for crying at any point, so I learnt that being angry or irritable was "safer" than expressing my distress. I desperately need therpay for it now.

I expect the poor woman is possibly crying now with such character assassinations.She is obviously just concerned that her daughter is going to turn in to a bully or worse and she's asked the opinions of mumsnetters...It's extremely rude of a tween to act like that in front of strangers, don't you think?.Or is it the norm in today's society..I'm 60 ,so maybe old fashioned in my views but I take mother's side on this.

Sounds like a very unkind response from the daughter. Not normal IME.

Not sure what evidence the comments blaming the mum are based on.

OP, I think you need to talk to your daughter about her response being unkind (if you haven’t done so already).

You shouldn't be constantly crying in front of her. She shouldn't have to emotionally support you. It's for us to teach our kids how to get things in perspective and it sounds like that might be an issue in your house.

If I had fallen badly and been helped home to my children, I would have said something along the lines of "Silly Mum's had a bit of an accident and needs to sit down because it hurts, but let's hope it's not too bad". I would expect my kids to be kind about it but ultimately they're not there to support me.

Wow she sounds a peach. 😲

I would at that age have been very concerned for my mother.

I think for that attitude she needs pulling up short. How very unkind.