Cold heartless daughter

I think it's always difficult to comment on posts like this without knowing the back story from both sides.
On the surface, it does sound uncaring, but we have no idea if "drama" is a regular occurrence from the OP.
I worked with someone who always had something going on where she was in tears, or heading to the doctor (once with a broken fingernail that was painful as it was short) or needing someone to support her through some perceived trauma. She was lovely, but a massive pain in the arse and very trying.
If DD is like me and is quite stoic, it can come across as uncaring. It can also be embarrassing for some people (especially at 11 years old) when others make a big deal of something they wouldn't.

I have a 17 year old dd who is like this. And my younger once caring teen ds has gone like this too. I always say if I was on the kitchen floor dying of a heart attack they'd just step over me to get to the biscuit cupboard!

Because some people make a drama out of everything and it gets a bit tiring.

Not saying that's necessarily the case here, but it's just an example of why she might not be immediately empathetic.

Probably depends of it was the 10th time this week OP has done this sort of thing or not though, doesn't it?

The fact that the daughter wasn't shocked to see her mum being escorted by 2 workmen, suggests perhaps she's used to it. OP doesn't mention any actual injury, she's fairly vague about the actual fall, her main concern is getting enough sympathy

Describing your daughter as cold and heartless because they didn't show you enough sympathy to me screams drama lama. It screams seeking emotional validation from your child. OP doesn't call the men kind, she doesn't mention feeling embarrassed or any normal reaction that an adult might have.

Teenagers are hideous 🤷‍♀️ Don't take it to heart. Hope you feel better after your fall OP.

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So sorry for hijacking this post. I'm new and made a mistake. It should have been a new one.

At a similar age i woke up one day to find my dog off her back legs i knew this usually meant a one way trip to the vets my mother wanted to wait the weekend for my sister to return and say goodbye i said no? because I didn't want my dog to suffer my mom called me cruel and heartless told me I would die alone and she hoped I was happy with my decision she took the dog with my dad to be put down told my sister I had demand the dog be put down without her they sobbed on each other's shoulders while blaming me for not wanting my dog to suffer for two days (bearing in mind they knew where she was she was in the same town so could have gone to fetch her)

Maybe think twice how we describe our children

Bit unfair, I think. Why wouldn't her daughter show empathy at first sight, whatever the circumstances?

Agree with this.
I am quite clumsy and have fallen over a few times over the years since my dc were born. On one occasion I really hurt myself and needed medical attention. I don’t always cry when it happens but I have done, once when I tripped on a paving stone and landed flat on my face in the street. Not full on sobbing but I was shocked and shaken up and my hands and knees were bleeding so I was a bit teary for a minute. Daughters (mid teens then) arrived just after it happened, and were sweet and concerned.
I tripped over in my garden a week ago and although I didn’t need medical attention I was badly bruised and grazed and it hurt a lot. I didn’t cry but hobbled back indoors and my 18 year old was kind, offered to make me a cup of tea, and called DH to let him know I had fallen.
This is a normal level of concern about people you love.
I am also surprised at how many people never cry, Dh, the dc and I all cry though sad films, at funerals, when something very sad happens on the news. Daughters cry to sad songs. Partly cultural maybe, I grew up with a Dad who showed emotion and would cry sometimes.

This is very typical of my 11 year old boy too. He has always been the same. Once his toddler brother was running down a path and he pushed him. He fell so hard and was really hurt but he just felt nothing.it was one of many things where I feel like he just doesn't actually process emotions the same way. He was 6 then, and is 11 now. I believe that empathy can't be taught, but kindness and consequences can. So now, if I feel he hasn't reacted in the "right" way, we talk about it and I explain what I would be looking for and how it makes people feel. I don't really think he can help it but his brothers are very empathetic and kind so I feel like it's quite noticeable he isn't- he is amazing in other ways though! Very quick witted and funny!

How often do you cry in front of your daughter?

This. Are you elderly or disabled? Why do you need two men to escort you home? Do you fall over regularly and do you cry a lot? All very odd.

What is she like when it's the other way? Does she expect sympathy?

I'm the same. My mother used to get very angry if either myself or my two brothers dared to cry...especially in front of other people, particularly family. I still get angry about how she reacted when I was 13, and found my pet cat, who I dearly loved, dead on the side of the road on my way to school. We were forced to go to mass that same night (Catholic and it was a holy day of obligation) and I remember spending the whole service trying not to burst into tears. We saw my grandmother afterwards (she lived on the same street as the church) and she happened to mention that I looked sad...I couldn't contain it any longer and burst into tears. My mother acted like I was making a big fuss over nothing and I got told off afterwards. Of course if she wanted sympathy....whole different story.

Nowadays my mother wonders why I'm 'so cold' (only to her, btw). Like my favourite saying goes 'You reap what you sow'.

Well I don't know about heartless but some of the things she says are just plain rude. I cannot imagine any of my DDs speaking to me like that.

Where does she get this from?

Who are these other people crying OP? Are they all you or other grown ups?

Thinking back to myself at that age I'd grown out of crying when I fell over and remember being quite scornful as a teenager when a friend fell in PE (no injury) and started crying because I felt like she was too old to be doing that. I'd probably have been sympathetic to a child that was crying after falling over.

It completely depends. Where you making a bag drama out of a fall, did you really need help home.
I mean if you where badly hurt then it’s horrible of her but if you make a regular occurrence of “drama” then I understand the eye roll

Although it could actually be because the OP is always having some sort of drama. If you have fallen over, do you really need two men to help you get home. Unless there is a broken bone or other major issue (in which case you need an ambulance) then surely you can get yourself back without having two men help you! I would roll my eyes at this to be honest.

I don't think it's great to cry in front of your children regularly. I mean unless something life threatening happened.

I agree. It's fine for children to understand that their parents have feelings and emotions but crying at the drop of a hat and over fairly trivial things makes parents look emotionally dysregulated which is frightening for a child.

If you're crying regularly in front of her she's probably a bit drained and has switched off a bit.

I also think its a bit of a jump to call her "cold" and "heartless". What you've described here is irritating but fairly normal and possibly just a reaction to the fact you're a bit prone to drama. Unless there's more to this than meets the eye...

Oh I quite agree, my observation was clearly to state I don’t think that is normal behaviour for an 11 year old, so I’d be interested to know why it was she reacted that way, because I don’t buy the idea that most pre teens/teens would be too mortified to show any concern. So what’s going on.

One of my dear friends is like this - cries a lot, expects sympathy from her children, and puts them in the situation of having to emotionally soothe and validate her. I’ve seen it myself and it makes me very uncomfortable. One of her DC is like your DD, rolls their eyes and just walks away as they’re so desensitised to it. Her other DC used to take on all the emotional burden of her various dramas and as a young adult now has poor mental health and is overly anxious as they’ve been in the parent role for so long, etc.. My friend doesn’t mean to do this to her children but she herself had a very narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother and I think she learned early on that this was the only way to get attention, feel loved, etc.. She is working on it in therapy, fair credit to her.

Your post reminded me exactly of her, OP. Being honest with yourself, do you think this something that you might be doing on a subconscious level?

Who needs enemies when your mother is someone like the OP

Wrong thread.

The fact that she wasn't concerned kind of says to me that this isn't an unusual occurrence for OP - so maybe her DD is just a bit sick of it.

Lots of people find tears, drama and upset very uncomfortable and don't know how to react.