Cold heartless daughter

There's something in your comments about your DD that make me think you cry in front of her a lot.

Be honest with yourself - do you? And are you somehow relying on an 11yo to make you feel better?

There is a lot of missing context. How do you react if she hurts herself? Just wondering if she's always been dismissed in a similar way, so she reacts that way to her because that's what you've always done to her? My mother would probably say something similar about me, but I act towards her like I don't care about her because she's always made it clear that she doesn't care about me.

Or she could be a sociopath. Impossible to tell without further information.

I think your labelling is very extreme from one event. I totally get why you are concerned though. If it helps I should tell you my DS was like this at 11 too. There were 3 particular occasions that stand out in my memory that devastated me, where he refused to help and just rolled his eyes. One was very serious where a family member ended up being removed by ambulance to A&E and he refused to leave when called and refused to cooperate, then started a massive row about how unfair it was because we were supposed to get pizza or something. I can't even remember but I remember genuinely worrying if he was a sociopath. He is still young but a good person and empathetic but doesn't like being around intense emotions.

I don't know. I would have called a taxi instead of having two people escort me home. It does seem a bit dramatic. If you were that hurt, go get it looked at.

The truth is probably in between.

You've started a thread on the internet calling your daughter COLD and HEARTLESS because, like many tweens, she was a bit self-absorbed and embarrassed by her parents.

Seems like she might be right about you making a drama out of everything.

Labelling your daughter as ‘cold and heartless’ because rolled her eyes and told you that you are dramatic gives me the impression she may have a point here. You don’t mention any serious injury, and yet have posted a grievance here that your child didn’t provide enough sympathy. Are you often the victim? Does she perhaps see this as some sort of manipulation on your part for attention?

What the hell is going on?! No it is not normal for a tweenage girl to be this nasty and uncaring. It is also perfectly possible to have a fall that is initially very painful and you need a bit of help walking straight after, but not actually have an injury that requires medical attention. I’m astounded by the comments on this thread!

This - children tend to either emulate or go the other way to parents - it is human nature

given yoir responses it looks likely she keeps her emotions in check

This, I mean if it's so bad you can't walk unaided why didn't you get a taxi to A&E?

I mean if I fell over and cried my children would be so anxious because it’s not normal it would mean I was very very hurt.

Bit like if I fall asleep on the sofa I must be sick and that act accordingly. Dad falls asleep and it’s eye roll dads snoring again.

So either you do, do this all the time and you’ve become the dad sleeping on the sofa or you’ve raised her to be embarrassed by such things.

Your use of cold and heartless about your own preteen makes me think your dad on the sofa.

OP, is it possible that the truth is somewhere in the middle.

She might not be cold and heartless, you might not be a crybaby, you might just be very different people who have different sensitivities and needs?
You might also be a crybaby and you dont realise it because its normal to you, so you think her not reacting to you with sympathy every time is a sign she is cold, when the reality is that you cry much more than a normal person and dont realise it and she is fatigued - if you are honest with yourself could that be the case?

This. As the daughter of an enormous drama llama, I’m getting similar vibes here.

Im way in my 30s op and ive been like this since childhood.
I cant deal with people wining and crying over crap, or them that cry when watching film.

Or that she is painfully aware that her daughter is shaping up to be a sociopath.

How often do you cry in front of her?

Not sure OP. Something about your post makes me suspicious. A bit of the narc about it tbh. ‘Cold, heartless daughter…’ she's 11. Do you look to her for validation and show lots of emotion to get it? I’m not sure, but the way your post is written isn’t quite sitting right.

Shout out to the two nice workmen who helped you home.
There are still good people about...

That you are describing her as 'cold and heartless' does hint that you might be a bit melodramatic, OP. She's a preteen; everything embarrasses them.

If you lean towards a bit of a drama llama she's reacting to that.

I feel like if you needed to be brought home by 2 guys, you may have needed to go to the walk-in centre at least. If not, then I'm with your DD, you were being dramatic.

My 80yr granny fell and smashed her cheek on the kerb, stood up, brushed herself off and walked herself home... before we demanded she go to the walk-in as her face was nothing but bruise and swelling!

This does sound a bit unnecessarily harsh on her part BUT, she is only 11 and yes, tweens and teens are usually pretty indifferent to how adults feel.

And I can't help but think that there are a few red flags for you in this post alone. The language you use about her isn't great - you haven't even incuded the standard disclaimer when parents are ranting about their children, "he's a great kid but..." "She can be so kind and funny but....."

Also, I tend to agree, if you needed two men to walk you home, I assume you then went straight to A&E? Because a simple fall shouldn't require that level of assistance, and a more serious fall would require an additional level of care subsequently. So it does rather sound like perhaps you DO make a lot of drama? How often do you cry? Most adults I'd say do not routinely cry in front of their children without really good reasons.

Agreed...

She'll make a good politician....

I don't know, you don't mention going to A&E or damaging anything, but mention being supported by two guys. So unless you've missed out key information it sounds like you may have over dramaticised the situation. Which many people (especially teens) would find embarrassing.

She was embarrassed. Kids that age are always embarrassed by their parents.

I don't think it's great to cry in front of your children regularly. I mean unless something life threatening happened.

It is not true that all 11 year olds would react this way.

I know for a fact mine wouldn't because they didn't when a similar situation occurred with us. In fact, of the 11 year olds I know very few would react like this. I'm sad for people who think this is the norm.

I think you are right to be concerned @Beeings There is a possibility that this could be an early sign of an emotional issue. Has she behaved like this at other times?

I would be addressing this whilst she is young so it doesn't grow into a bigger issue.