AIBU 16yo DSD leaving freezer open

"All food needs chucking out on a regular basis"
really?
As there's an issue with the seal on your freezer then how do you know it's always dsd and not someone else who's inadvertently left it open?

It's really not worth you getting so worked up. You made a judgemental comment saying how much better your child was, I challenged you, you didn't like it, backtracked, got defensive and here we are. That's it really. Maybe next time just think before you post and you won't have to worry.

Have you used her money to replace the defrosted items? Because that seems a logical deterrent to her doing it again.

I’m not upset - just can’t really understand why you have a bug up your arse. You aren’t being logical enough to be hurtful - I think you’re a bit insane truth be told.

If she is old enough to go make herself food, she's old enough to shut the freezer. I would make the point fo saying no freezer food. We have a coffee machine & it's a similar situation. Teens use it but don't empty it. As far as I'm concerned, if you don't look after it, you don't get to use it

Stop replacing stuff for the freezer that had to be binned.

You can live without frozen meat, frozen fish and ice creams.

If she’s anything like my teens were at that age, she’s getting ice lollies and the odd frozen pizza- she’s not defrosting a leg of lamb for Sunday dinner. Stop buying frozen snack stuff.

And also have the conversation about shutting the door properly- how to do it, and the consequences of not doing it. She’s 16, she can handle an instructional chat.

Edited because autocorrect added an apostrophe incorrectly.

How do you know?

This girl is neurodivergent. You’re right not to get cross, however, it’s ok for you to sit down and kindly explain why it’s important to close it, you can even put a sign on the freezer to help remind her and hopefully break that habit. My freezer has an alarm. That’s very helpful as accidents happen.

Don't make shitty comments on the internet if you are going to get this upset about people calling you out for them.

Lady, pipe down you sound INSANE.

Shutting a fridge door is normal you absolute fruit cake 😆

Bye.

Put a sign on the door so she sees it when opening/closing it. She’s just being stupidly careless whacking it closed, lazy etc
I think maybe also trying a child lock type thing may help or an alarm that goes off in a second so she’s not out of the room when it goes off

You brought up your 8 year old as a superior comparison. You meant to say exactly that and now you're back tracking as you've realised it makes you sound like a judgemental sourpuss.

If she can remember to open the freezer she can remember to close it

Nah, it’s how you choose to interpret it.

Unless a child has additional needs (which have not been mentioned here) it is entirely normal for even young children to close a freezer door after getting something out of it. Nothing to do will being an angel, well behaved or bla bla bla.

Haven't read the entire thread, but there is a difference between "disciplining" and "expecting them to take responsibility".

The conversation could go along the lines of

"Delilah, you left the freezer door open again last night. Dad and I think that if you do this again you will need to contribute to the cost of the wasted food"

It doesn't need to be said harshly, just matter if fact.

And definitely do not buy whatever she is going in the freezer for.

Not everything does but ND people exist and as we don't know ops dd we can't diagnose either way. However it does affect the approach they'd need to take. So it should be a consideration.

Pussyfoot parenting strikes again! @Reluctantstepmumof2 you have a DH problem

17 is PLENTY old enough to be TOLD not to do that to the freezer.

plan b is to get a lock for the freezer and ban her from using it.

Quite a lot of thoughts about this one.

1. Like others I would say natural consequences are needed, but discipline or punishment wouldn’t be appropriate. So help to batch cook some things, paying to replace others and foregoing some things (so no ice cream until the one that defrosted would naturally have been replaced).
2. Your DH needs to be involved in those natural consequences
3. Does she live with you full-time or switch between homes? Because remembering the idiosyncrasies of things in two homes can be a lot mentally, and switching between those different settings can be disconcerting. Especially as it is something which would have been outwith her control. So it would be appropriate I think to recognise that (which goes way beyond the freezer door really) and provide support for the transitions. This would be being a bit more understanding than you would with someone who is a full-time resident. It would also mean things like a freezer alarm or loc, reminder notes. Whatever the support measure is, involve her constructively in creating it- ask her what would help her to it.
4. I went through a phase of doing similar with a fridge as an adult. At first I just thought it was having too much on my mind but it turned out the door hinges were a bit off so it had to be closed perfectly and even then it sprung open sometimes. So rectifying those was a big help.
5. If she finds these things especially difficult, consider whether it might be something like ADHD.

Put note on it and get alarm that will alert when it is open.

not sure why you have tried to make my comment sound like that,

Because that's how you wrote it and that's what you meant.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 why does everything need a label on this forum...

Just reading some of the advice here & surely someone that age should be capable of closing a freezer door properly without her parenta buying an alarm? Many of her peers will have jobs etc at this point. The alarm advice feels more appropriate for a scatty 9yo.

I think there's a difference between an accident and just being repeatedly careless. You don't need to go hard at it, but there needs to be a consequence of some description because its repeatedly happening. I think explaining the cost of what's being thrown out will be taken out of her pocket money etc going forward and get an alarm/ catch for the freezer door to help her succeed. Has she been checked for adhd or similar if she's that forgetful and disorganised or is that something you suspect? It would help to identify if you need to work with her to build strategies for success or if it's discipline and consequence for carelessness. I wouldn't be locking a child out of a source of food in their own home that would be a marker of abuse and its worrying to see it suggested here.

Classic MN! This thread is so much handwringing about nothing!

Get rid of your freezer.

Get rid of your dh.

She has ADHD.

You hate your DSD.

Laugh it off and keep buying stuff.

Don't say anything to her, it's not her fault/it might hurt her feelings.

Telling someone off is not ideal.

No wonder people need labels on products for obvious consequences. No wonder kids and adults have gone wild. No one is ready to be held accountable or take responsibility for their actions, regardless of intent. Everyone is either doing whatever they like or afraid to say something or call a spade 'a spade'.

😂 not sure why you have tried to make my comment sound like that, my child is so far from an angel it’s unreal, I’m snorting 😆

However you turn it though a 16 year old who can’t shut a freezer door properly is unusual.