In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

Personally I would not engage in any petty passive aggressive come backs to do with cards or their own ages. All that will do is cue them up see it as an ongoing battle to be even worse.

And it’s pathetic and immature.

IMO.

Same. In fact I probably make a self-deprecating joke about my own age more often than that!

If it’s exactly the same joke I can see how it might get a bit dull but I’d probably just make a dig back about senile dementia and how they keep repeating themselves and/or I’d start a sweepstake about how many days it will be until they next mention my age. Might even start giving out prizes if someone guesses correctly.

Honestly I think you need to lighten up. Just laugh it off.

Edit: why don’t you start putting £1 in a jar every time they do it and use the money to treat yourself to some new shoes or a meal out? And make a point in telling the in-laws exactly how you paid for it. 😉You can make your point without being unpleasant.

They do it because they get a reaction…yes they are still bullying you just in a jokey way to get around being pulled up. if you’re not there then there’s no reaction so I’d go no contact … or perhaps ask them if they need a dementia check as they appear to be repeating themselves recently and at their age you ‘worry’ for them

Say something like “Well you’re practically at the stage of shitting yourself in adult nappies all day, so I can only assume you’re jealous of my age.”

This.

And tell your DH to say ‘M&D give it a rest, I’ve heard it enough times’

They do this as a power play. They do it because they think he is too wet to respond and is therefore still on their side / under their control not yours.

If they do it again after saying this just calmly go no contact again

Urgh 100%! I totally emphasise.

So I look quite young for my age and when I met my ex he thought I was a decade younger than I actually am. I took the compliment (he’s 4 years older) and in the few years we were together, I never mentioned anything pertaining to age. However, when I turned 50 he’d keep bringing conversation around to it so even innocuous things like me saying I’m cold it would be “ooh you’re 50 now so…” or I’m tired etc would all be the same reply. It became really annoying and tiresome made me think he was projecting onto me as he was very image conscious etc. Anyway, that relationship ended not long after!

Can you just tell them you don’t care about your age? Greg rock or throw it back on them and ask why they care so much.

Yes. Do this. Totally blank the 'jokes'. Practice a withering look in the mirror.

@opaltimer1 would this work?

"Well, at least I'm not old and NASTY"

But they're doing it 'cos they know in winds you up (and they're mean)

Why the obsession with you being 40?
You're hardly waiting at the Pearly Gates.
Your DH is 2 years younger so hardly in "toy boy" territory.
This would annoy me massively if it was constant digs, and I would be sending DH round on his own to visit them 😬

Do it back to them!;

“So what, you’ll die first.”

This.

"Not this fucking shit again! Bore off!"

"I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?"

So she was a bully then and is a bully now.

Serious question - you say you "want to find a way to stop them without causing upset" - whose upset do you not want to cause? Yours? Your PIL's? Your husband's? I can see the point of not wanting to cause yourself or your husband any upset, but frankly, fuck them getting upset, it's deserved. And how would you end up upset - because they would ramp up the nastiness?

"I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. "
So they bully him too.

I would simply go No Contact again. They are arseholes, and that's not going to change. Incidentally, what caused you to resume contact with them? And would I be correct in assuming there was pressure on you to do so?

I think I'd have a little blow up, "FFS stop mentioning my age, you are being weird, if you mention it again I won't come over". Yes a bit of a sensitive reaction but your subtle hints/ignoring it isn't stopping them.

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

@opaltimer1 will they do this to your partner when they hit 40?

If you joke back about their ages or send OAP birthday cards, you're blurring the lines because you're 'joining in', and making them believe it's a 2-way thing.

Just become short and snappy with them and make it clear they're boring now.

Or as a PP suggested, go back to no contact as it sounds as though they're only doing this to be unkind to you anyway.

Just say “I might be old but you’ll always be older and closer to death than me”. Smile and repeat, every time.

Eurgh how tiresome. I’d say something like ‘you’re 25 years older than me so I dread to think how you talk to yourself!’ Assholes.