Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

131 replies

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:43

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 27/10/2025 18:15

the easiest way to stop people making jokes is to embarrass them so there's no advantage to them to keep making the joke. Otherwise if you show you're annoyed, if they're arseholes they'll keep doing it just for a reaction.

Obviously a quick quip handing it back to them is one way but that
a) relies on you coming up with something witty on the spur of the moment every time and
b) is going to carry on giving the impression that, if you're engaging with their jokes you at best aren't bothered by them and at worst actually find the back and forth 'banter' amusing.

The most straightforward way is to make it clear you find their joke embarrassing to them. Don't force a fake laugh or even smile out of politeness. Give them a slightly confused look and go down the whole 'I don't get it...' route. No joke is funny once it has to be explained.

Or complete blank face... 'Okay....' and a side eye/eyebrow raise to your DH and change the subject - basically make it clear you think their joke makes them come across as cringey and embarrassing.

ClaredeBear · 27/10/2025 18:14

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 16:17

I do joke about my age all the time but I think if someone jokes at me repeatedly at my expense, it’s bullying. If I knew my jokes were causing upset to someone, I’d stop.

yes maybe I should lighten up and ignore it. These replies are interesting as there’s such a range of responses

Show quote history

Why do you joke about your age all the time? I only ask because age for me and others has never really come up, except for birthdays.

Original poster
opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 18:14

DickDewey · 27/10/2025 18:03

How irritating. You need to say, ‘can you stop doing this now as it’s annoying me?’.

I think if they do it again, a very calm but direct response like this would potentially stop them. If not, quietly limiting contact is the next step. They live far away but travel for work near us regularly so we meet for meals-I might be too busy next time and they might get the hint…

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 27/10/2025 18:09

"MIL you made that same joke last time I saw you, have you forgotten? Do you think perhaps you should see the doctor if you have started forgetting things?"

Done in such a concerned way that it couldnt possibly be taken as anything other than genuine worry.

Should shut her up.

ClaredeBear · 27/10/2025 18:07

Less about the joke and more about the boredom. As others have said, don’t join in. Can you spend less time with them.

godmum56 · 27/10/2025 18:06

Do the MN thing "sorry, I didn't catch that would you repeat it please?
Then "nope I have no idea why you would say that, can you explain it to me"

DickDewey · 27/10/2025 18:03

How irritating. You need to say, ‘can you stop doing this now as it’s annoying me?’.

NimbleDreamer · 27/10/2025 18:03

Wishimaywishimight · 27/10/2025 15:16

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

Agreed. Just ignore/grey rock them. That will annoy them more than if you react to it.

idri · 27/10/2025 18:00

I would just avoid going over.

ItWasntMyFault · 27/10/2025 17:58

You say this every time I see you. Are you having memory problems?? Followed by a look of concern…

bridgetreilly · 27/10/2025 17:46

Do not go for the ‘taste of their own medicine’ approach. This just legitimises age as a source of humour. Just ignore.

champagnetrial · 27/10/2025 17:45

Maybe kill it with kindness. 'Sounds like you have a problem with 40-year-olds. If my age is triggering you, perhaps it would be better if we didn't see each other anymore. Happy to step back, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.'

Hand on arm, concerned expression, sympathetic smile.

Theresabatinmykitchen · 27/10/2025 17:45

Teaandchocolate2222 · 27/10/2025 16:05

“I’ve noticed you bring up my age a lot, and often joke about it”. Then just look at them and see what they say to that. Sometimes just reflecting back what someone is doing is enough to make them stop and think. Try and say it with no agenda and just a mild curiosity. If they say “oh we are only joking around” etc maybe just say “hmm, you often bring it up…”. Hopefully it will
make them feel a bit awkward without you looking bad in any way as you are just stating the facts as you see them

I was coming on to say something similar, I would just say to them next time they “joke” about your age something along the lines of “Out of interest, why do you keep laughing about my age constantly? Can you explain why it’s so amusing as I’m baffled. They will no doubt bluster around and say we are just joking and I bet they will also say you are too sensitive, to which you reply, not sensitive at all, just curious as to why you find it so funny. Hopefully this might make them squirm and if they still continue you can say sorry still don’t get the joke every single time they do it, it will make them look foolish and highlight what a pair of idiots they are. If you make them look stupid I bet they will stop their nonsense.

Ghhbiuj · 27/10/2025 17:44

Elsvieta · 27/10/2025 17:36

Start making jokes about dementia, nursing homes etc?

Why? Upping the ante makes it OK for them to make worse jokes about being 40. Childish

Ghhbiuj · 27/10/2025 17:42

MissMoan · 27/10/2025 17:35

This is perfect!

Show quote history

Why? The weird being rude to them because they are being rude won't stop them

Elsvieta · 27/10/2025 17:36

Start making jokes about dementia, nursing homes etc?

MissMoan · 27/10/2025 17:35

NewYorkSummer · 27/10/2025 15:05

Just say “I might be old but you’ll always be older and closer to death than me”. Smile and repeat, every time.

This is perfect!

Ghhbiuj · 27/10/2025 17:34

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:43

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

Why would you retaliate with the OAP jokes? That just shows you are up for this type of joke, as yours are worse than theirs

Skybluepinky · 27/10/2025 17:32

Don’t let it annoy you, try and avoid them.

ilparadodosdoltos · 27/10/2025 17:28

God they sound so DULL. I don’t believe there’s any ‘bants’ or great witty comeback that will stop them doing this so forget it. I agree with lots of others, completely ignore (imagine to yourself you’re hard of hearing and stare slightly blankly at them before changing the subject). See them less. Do they have any interesting conversation?

BatchCookBabe · 27/10/2025 17:26

Say 'oh just shut the fuck up about my age, and the fact I am a WHOLE 2 years older than your son, or we'll stop coming!' As pps have said they're bullying you. They sound vile.

Reminds me of someone I knew once who was 31, and she started dating a 36 year old man, and her dad kept calling him a 'peedo.' Hmm There was a 5 year age gap (which is fairly small,) and even though she was 5 years younger, they were both in their 30s.

When she said 'for fuck's sake dad stop it' he did it all the more. He'd say where's the peedo?' Grin He thought he was hilarious. Typical middle aged/just past middle aged man. Thinks he soooooo funny, even when he is saying horrible things. And if it gets a reaction, even better.

When my friend stopped going around to her parents house, her dad said she was a silly, sulky, little girl who 'can't take a joke.' He could NOT see what he had done wrong.

You have my sympathy @opaltimer1 It was 3 months before my friend started going to her parents house again, and even then it was tense for a while. Her mum had to give her dad a real telling off, to stop him saying cunty things.

ScribblingPixie · 27/10/2025 17:24

I would just pull a face and say, it's getting to the stage I'd rather not think about it. Just turn it off.

sunights · 27/10/2025 17:15

Do this 🪨 ⏬

In laws ‘teasing’ about my age
FuzzyWolf · 27/10/2025 17:12

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 16:17

I do joke about my age all the time but I think if someone jokes at me repeatedly at my expense, it’s bullying. If I knew my jokes were causing upset to someone, I’d stop.

yes maybe I should lighten up and ignore it. These replies are interesting as there’s such a range of responses

Show quote history

Do they know their jokes are upsetting you though? I can easily imagine some of my relatives thinking it was a fun joke they had going because of your response so unless they are continuing after you have categorically made it clear you don’t like it and don’t want to hear any further jokes, I can see why they are carrying on.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 27/10/2025 17:08

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 16:17

I do joke about my age all the time but I think if someone jokes at me repeatedly at my expense, it’s bullying. If I knew my jokes were causing upset to someone, I’d stop.

yes maybe I should lighten up and ignore it. These replies are interesting as there’s such a range of responses

Show quote history

maybe I should lighten up and ignore it.

No, don't do this. By your own admission your MIL is a bully, and you previously had to go NC.
Don't lighten up - that is just giving in to the bullying.
Don't fight fire with fire, that makes you as bad as her and she will enjoy you 'joining in the fight'.
Ignore it, yes. Or even better, go NC again.