Fed up of having to plan everyones gifts!

Doesn’t work with this type. It’s still ‘can I have a link’, ‘can you buy it’, ‘can you wrap it’.

Children write wish-lists.

I’m grateful MIL now asks what DC want after years of her turning up with bags full of absolute shite they never touched. She used to turn up on Christmas morning dressed as Mrs Claus with a sack full of gifts for each DC, even though we’d obviously just bought them lots of gifts so the house was already bursting.

We hadn’t requested any of it and most of it would be tat she’d found at the charity shop (including dirty items sometimes or age inappropriate gifts e.g paw patrol backpack for a 8 year old). The worst was this ludicrous ride on horse thing that was absolutely gigantic and we had no space for it. I had to tell DH at that point to gently request she either take the horse back or we’d be giving it away. I think she learnt after that and now asks.

I just can't be doing with telling people and then...they get something else. I always feel you have to come up with slightly second-rate ideas for the less reliable people so that you don't end up with disappointed children.

YANBU it absolutely takes the piss. FIL does that - ‘what do the kids want’ then he ‘has a look’ but then asks for a specific link. Then just says ‘why don’t you just buy it and I’ll give you the money?’. Well FIL, because then it’s a gift from us, isn’t it!

It’s also the ‘wifework/mental load’ side of things. You end up having to think of about triple the amount of gifts. I’ve just stopped (DH has been buying for his own family for about a decade so luckily that’s halved it!)

Everyone should only be buying gifts for people they know well enough to buy a well-received present IMO.

It was a generic you not a personal you, based on the numerous posts seen on MN complaining about gifts received.

My partners mum only asked me this once. I directed her to her son, and suggested she ask him. Also told him to liaise with her about it. I already think up suggestions for my mum and dad (divorced) to get DC, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to get involved for his family

I feel your pain OP!

Mine are a bit older now, so they tend to just ask the kids directly or take them shopping to pick something. But when they were little I used to find the constant questions about what to buy, where to buy it, which colour, what else can I get to go with it???? just too much.

I started passing them off to DH, but then he would make suggestions from the list I had told him WE were getting the kids 🙄

i have do do this on behalf of 3 sets of grandparents (my parents are separated + the in laws), 2 sets of great grandparents and other family members. I have sit out & write down the things the DC would like and try and fit it all in so it matches each individual budget. I find it exhausting, but once it’s done, I know that my DC will, at least, get things they like. Also have to do the same for DS’s January bday at the same time. It’s like a massive jigsaw puzzle.

Edited to add: the thing that really pisses me off is after I’ve done all this, they aren’t forthcoming with what they’d like so I have to think for them too 🫠🫠🫠

You have my sympathy. There really ought to be a Mumsnet reaction button for 'sorry your in-laws are dicks'.

Just tell your husband to tell his parents what your children might like. If you’re working full time why are they coming to you first and not their son?

And yet if they got you all something they thought was ok it would be met with comments like they don't put any thought in, it's just plastic tat, I only dress my DC in jumpers made from free range yaks wool, hand spun in the himalayas by a Nepalese lady on £30 an hour.

I have two children’s birthdays in the immediate run up to Christmas and used to have a present grid for birthdays and Christmas. Works well to ensure there are no duplicates, no unwanted gifts etc. You know your kids best. Won’t happen forever.

I hate it, and it’s always the in laws. MIL asks me to buy it as well, she’ll send me the money but oh can I wrap it as well.

fuck off, I’m not your personal shopper - I work full time and juggle two kids. But when I refuse to play ball I get passive aggressive comments.

here’s a thought. Why don’t you speak to DH about it - although she does like to remind me he works hard.

oh fuck off

This happens to me too and I hate it! There have been occasions when I’ve had to not only give MIL the gift suggestions but also buy the thing myself and wrap it up myself! As if I don’t have enough to do already!

In your inlaws defence, its hard to know what to buy kids in case they already have it or are not into that.

Either send them the kids birthday list to choose something off or just suggest they give money

I feel like the sometimes family's cant win... Some people moan they have bought gifts that wont get used/aren't what the kids want/they don't have space for but then other people moan they don't want to think of what to tell people to buy

I would hate that! I actually enjoy thinking of gifts (to get) other people.

I mean my in laws are similar in a way but it doesn't annoy me at all, in that they like to get more useful presents. So last year they realised we were planning on getting a new bookshelf from IKEA, so they asked if they could just get it for us for Christmas (we ended up not getting it, not sure they gave anything different but no need, they do a lot for us!). My husband's birthday, they got him a set of towels for the house, got me a jumper and onesies for the baby (I was heavily pregnant and very sweet they wanted to celebrate all of us).

It is strange to me though when people expect a list, it feels very transactional and entitled tbh but I'm just not used to that!