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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to be petty?

84 replies

Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:35

This has been going on for a few years now but has really started to grate. I have 2 female cousins (they are twins )in their 30s. One lives at home with parents and the other is married with a child.

No matter the occasion we get a card (and sometimes a present if for DS) it signed from twin 1, twin 2, twin 1’s DH and DS. It annoys me more than it should and I don’t generally think about it but my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

I said I was just going to buy a present for their DS and everyone else gets a card. This has blown up and their mum is angry with me for being stingy. I didn’t really care and ignored it but now other family members are being dragged in! Madness!

But - am I being stingy or petty? I know you don’t give to receive but it’s more the effort, or lack of it towards me and my family.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 27/10/2025 12:43

shhblackbag · 27/10/2025 12:38

my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

So, a grown woman's father is ringing family on her behalf, asking for money? It's so unreasonable. How is she not dying of embarrassment? YANBU.

Exactly!

Id be replying to my uncle saying I want cash gifts, from both twin 1 and twin 2 - or they get nothing (as we havent been receiving gofts from them for a while). If they are old enough to be married and moving out they generally dont fit into the "kids get gifts" situation

SJM1988 · 27/10/2025 12:43

Noone should expect presents. Its very entitled.

I was once told my present wasnt good enough for my mum for a birthday. It was all I could afford. I stopped buying presents for several years after that.

pinkdelight · 27/10/2025 12:41

Right well then how can they kick off at you when she can't even muster a text or dawb her name on a card someone else bought? They're off their rockers.

childofthe607080s · 27/10/2025 12:41

You want to stop doing presents for the adults in the family ? Just stop

are you much older than your cousins ? I can’t see how this set up developed anyway

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:40

shhblackbag · 27/10/2025 12:38

my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

So, a grown woman's father is ringing family on her behalf, asking for money? It's so unreasonable. How is she not dying of embarrassment? YANBU.

As you may see - she is quite bratty! She never messages me directly actually. I messaged and sent a card when she had her DS and got nothing back…

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 27/10/2025 12:40

How odd. Are you significantly older than the twins? No way would I be giving cousins in their 30s my money as a gift. Your parents could do that, but it's not on you to fund your peers. Plus that just gets daft as you could request money from them for your gift and then you're just swapping tenners back and forth.

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:39

No but I know they do expect presents - it has been commented on that I don’t buy presents for them. Never blown up before - just snide comments from their mum and occasionally twin 1 (who doesn’t even sign cards to us as twin 2 writes it all!)

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 27/10/2025 12:38

my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

So, a grown woman's father is ringing family on her behalf, asking for money? It's so unreasonable. How is she not dying of embarrassment? YANBU.

ClawedButler · 27/10/2025 12:37

Why should her moving in the new year be a reason you suddenly start giving her money?

Has she ever demanded money before?