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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to be petty?

84 replies

Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:35

This has been going on for a few years now but has really started to grate. I have 2 female cousins (they are twins )in their 30s. One lives at home with parents and the other is married with a child.

No matter the occasion we get a card (and sometimes a present if for DS) it signed from twin 1, twin 2, twin 1’s DH and DS. It annoys me more than it should and I don’t generally think about it but my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

I said I was just going to buy a present for their DS and everyone else gets a card. This has blown up and their mum is angry with me for being stingy. I didn’t really care and ignored it but now other family members are being dragged in! Madness!

But - am I being stingy or petty? I know you don’t give to receive but it’s more the effort, or lack of it towards me and my family.

OP posts:
jay55 · 27/10/2025 13:09

My sister and I did joint gifts and cards for our much younger cousins (10-25 years younger) but I stopped it for the 30somethings a while ago.
Seems like a good time to stop, especially as they don’t speak to you directly.

ThirdStorm · 27/10/2025 13:06

My cousins are in their early 30s and married, I'm mid 40s and I stopped giving them gifts. I send them cards though, and never had one back as my aunt does a family card to me and includes their names on it. I stopped the gifts a few years ago once they were married as it seemed silly, we hardly know each other, we don't ever socialise (we live very far away from each other) and one couple live with their parents and are out of work so I didn't want them spending their money on me. I think my approach has ruffled some feathers within the family but we're too polite to really talk about it openly and I actually don't care.

Starlight1984 · 27/10/2025 13:05

Are they in a "throuple"?! Because why the fuck is a 30-something woman going in on cards with her sister and sister's husband?!

And why is your uncle asking for gifts on behalf of his adult children?!

The whole thing is very weird and inappropriate!

I would just not buy for any of them tbh.

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 13:04

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/10/2025 13:01

I would put a message on social media to say you are making a donation to X charity in lieu of gift and card giving this year.

They would probably include twin 1 as a charity as she is the first person in the family to buy (well is buying) a detached home!

The more I think about it the the weirder they are 🙈

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 27/10/2025 13:01

I would put a message on social media to say you are making a donation to X charity in lieu of gift and card giving this year.

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:55

SJM1988 · 27/10/2025 12:43

Noone should expect presents. Its very entitled.

I was once told my present wasnt good enough for my mum for a birthday. It was all I could afford. I stopped buying presents for several years after that.

That’s awful - how fucking rude

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:52

JudgeBread · 27/10/2025 12:49

Send them a fiver "for twin 1, twin 2 and twin 1's husband - divide it up as you see fit!"

Tacky so and so

😂

I would be public enemy number 1!

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:52

Allthesnowallthetime · 27/10/2025 12:50

Or a Dove gift set for the 3 adults to share

Ha. Ha! This would cause ructions 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:51

Moonnstars · 27/10/2025 12:48

Does the uncle realise they don't send you a present?
Am I right in thinking that it's only children you buy for? If so I would just be saying that.

Well they think they do - from all of them ha! Adults get token gifts (I think this developed brocade we have a few older (than me) aunts ands and uncles that live alone and we don’t want them to have nothing to open).

Right - will send a message saying just children presents now. And I will still but for the older ones I have always done.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 27/10/2025 12:50

Why should you send money to an adult? That's ridiculous.

I send cash to my teen nephews and nieces, up until they leave college. Then I stop. They are adults like me, they can earn their own money. If one of them moves house, I might buy them a bottle of wine but that's all.

Allthesnowallthetime · 27/10/2025 12:50

Or a Dove gift set for the 3 adults to share

JudgeBread · 27/10/2025 12:49

Send them a fiver "for twin 1, twin 2 and twin 1's husband - divide it up as you see fit!"

Tacky so and so

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:48

ClawedButler · 27/10/2025 12:46

Well damn, their lives must be thunderously dull if a grown woman asking her dad to ask a cousin for money is the biggest event of the year.

😂

Mine too to be fair but I assume I am the talk of that side of the family. I am not that exciting ha

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 27/10/2025 12:48

Just say you are going to continue not to supply gifts for the adults. You don't wish for any gifts from them either. Say you'll just be buying for the children. They sound really grabby!

pinkdelight · 27/10/2025 12:48

Okay I guess the age difference makes them (conveniently for them) deem you some kind of auntie/more grown up cousin who should bestow gifts on them when they don't do likewise, but there's FA reason for you to go along with that. I wouldn't get hung up on the cards as it's fine to phase cards out now anyway, but definitely don't be drawn into this gift nonsense and it's not petty of you at all. No apologies or reasons needed, just nope you won't be doing that, obviously.

Moonnstars · 27/10/2025 12:48

Does the uncle realise they don't send you a present?
Am I right in thinking that it's only children you buy for? If so I would just be saying that.

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:47

Smallsalt · 27/10/2025 12:44

So they give a present from...."the twins"
But expect presents as individuals?

It's not you that's stingy.

Twins, DH and their DS. It annoys me but I have never given it that much thought but I seem to have pissed them off

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:46

childofthe607080s · 27/10/2025 12:41

You want to stop doing presents for the adults in the family ? Just stop

are you much older than your cousins ? I can’t see how this set up developed anyway

I do presets for aunts and uncles and did for the twins (sorry we all call them that!) but recently it hit me I am buying for twin 1, twin 2, DH and DS. And last year I got a Dove gift set from the 4 of them - and nothing for DH. DS does get a present hit I doubt anyone but twin 2 knows that has been bought

OP posts:
ClawedButler · 27/10/2025 12:46

Well damn, their lives must be thunderously dull if a grown woman asking her dad to ask a cousin for money is the biggest event of the year.

PixieandMe · 27/10/2025 12:45

Haha tell your uncle to grow up and give her some money himself. Pathetic.

I'd let everyone know that I will gift money to people at my own discretion and there will not enter into any further conversation about it.

SushiForMe · 27/10/2025 12:45

Ask why they expect gifts when they don’t send any?

toomuchfaff · 27/10/2025 12:44

ZeldaFighter · 27/10/2025 12:43

Just send a card and say you can't afford to buy adults presents.

I wouldnt be saying "I cant afford". That's justification where none is needed.

Original poster
Livpool · 27/10/2025 12:44

pinkdelight · 27/10/2025 12:40

How odd. Are you significantly older than the twins? No way would I be giving cousins in their 30s my money as a gift. Your parents could do that, but it's not on you to fund your peers. Plus that just gets daft as you could request money from them for your gift and then you're just swapping tenners back and forth.

I am 12 years older than them. I just don’t know why I am expected to spend money and make an effort when we get 1 card from 3 adults - only 2 of whom live together.

I don’t understand why twin 2 send a card with all their names in anyway . It twin 1 isn’t bothered about cards and presents then leave her name off.

Twin 1 is a bit a brat, even now. And she tells everyone she is twin number 1 as she is 19 minutes older. None of this would have really even registered if random other cousins weren’t texting me about this drama I have apparently caused.

OP posts:
Smallsalt · 27/10/2025 12:44

So they give a present from...."the twins"
But expect presents as individuals?

It's not you that's stingy.

ZeldaFighter · 27/10/2025 12:43

Just send a card and say you can't afford to buy adults presents.

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