Am I being unreasonable to be petty?

My hubby has a cousin who is female and just over a decade younger than us (we are in our 40s). He was always expected to look after her like she was a little princess, and behave like he was her uncle, as he father (my hubby's actual uncle) lived abroad. 🙄
That soon got stopped after he met me, as she massively took advantage. Her dad tried to carry it on from afar, and it was a huge NO from me. 👎

Some youngsters never grow up and still expect to be pampered when they reach adulthood. 🙄
No thank-you, time to grow up and behave. 👎

I think you’ve absolutely done the right thing. Their family dynamic sounds really odd, sending a card from everyone when they don’t live together? I’d just stay out of any family Whatsapp groups etc.

Totally reasonable, and not petty at all. Petty would be going the malicious compliance route and sending them novelty money along with an exorbitant amount of glitter. Highly recommended, btw.

That is exactly what I would do. Tell uncle I’m giving to them as they give to me as I am their cousin not their aunt.

You’re not being petty at all. It’s completely your decision what to give and who to give it to, no one gets to dictate that, not even your aunt. If you want to give your cousin something, that’s up to you, but it should come from kindness, not pressure. Honestly, family guilt trips over gifts are such a headache, do what feels right to you.

Stick to your guns, don’t be intimidated and DON’T let anybody else do your thinking for you. Only slight downside of all this pettiness is that all the cards you send from now on will be going straight in the bin. Upside? Scope for naff, cheap or cheeky cards. Win !

Am I the only one who is picturing this pair as Sherri and Terri, the spoilt twin girls in Bart Simpson's class?

Well done OP! It's great to see someone actually taking a stand against bullshit like this and sticking up for themselves. So often there are threads where the OP just won't take the advice given and continues to be a doormat (while moaning about it). Good for you.
So what if you've kicked the hornets nest. What are they going to do? Not send a card? I'm sure you'll be devastated 🥴😂.

How I do christmas - if family members have kids, their kids get the presents. If they don't have kids, they get a present.

I’m a twin mum and it really irks me when people buy them a gift or card to share, if they were born on different dates they’d get one each. So as twins they should know better. Stick to your guns and ignore. They’re stingy!

Send a card addressed to twin 1,2 and their family. Pop £20 in it.

Meet people with the same energy they give you.

Just stop with gifts all together.
Wish them all the best and don't bother with them if you don't have too.. I can't stand entitled people.
As for the father contacting you for her .. I wouldn't send anything after that .

Put a fiver in her Christmas card. Seriously though, they all sound bonkers and I can’t believe your other cousins (are they siblings or cousins of the twatty twins?) are accusing YOU of causing drama!

I am buying for twin 1, twin 2, DH and DS. And last year I got a Dove gift set from the 4 of them - and nothing for DH.

I would have said that to the uncle.

You'll put the money for a Dave set (split between the two of them) into a card for them.

Id be more inclided to be generous with twin 2 but i think its reasonable with adult family members to do cards and gifts for the children.

Id just ignore DU

Sounds like they are the "babies" of the family? I do think you get some weird family dynamics like this at times, where certain people are seen as somehow deserving of being treated like teenagers despite being in their 30s. You're not being stingy for many reasons, a) it's actually nothing to do with anyone who you gift to and what you gift, it's your discretion, some years we feel flush and give more, to more people, some years we don't and for various reasons do token gifts or limit gifting b) the whole two twins on one card/gift is actually stingy, to be honest, it's ruder to twin 2 who is paying for and doing all the leg work - twin 1 is taking the p out of her too and if I were her I'd tell her and her whole family to jog on, no chance my sisters family is claiming all my emotional and financial labour as their own c) asking for cash is really tacky and her dad asking you is plain bonkers, they sound very "babied", same with everyone leaping to their defense, it sounds like they're very immature.
Do whatever you wish to do, and they can be grateful for anything they get even if it's just a card.

This has been brewing for a while and your uncle has messaged to force the situation . What are the family members who are messaging you saying ?
I would have got a dove set and given it to them jointly ! YANBU

Just say we are cutting back this year, if she wants to phone I’ll tell her.

They're telling you what to give a grown adult for Xmas. She's lucky to get any presents. Wonders will never cease.

The father needs to back off.

You are not being petty. They are all being drama queens and the cousins should have the guts to speak for themselves

Don't feel bad. It can take a lot of mental strength to stick up for yourself and go against dominant and overbearing people.

You have done the right thing and your husband is supporting you.

Stay strong.