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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think our baby timeline isn’t that rushed?!

159 replies

elsamayy · 27/10/2025 08:12

I’m 37 and my partner is 38. We’re both financially solid and in good jobs. We’ve been together for 6 months, but have known each other for 4 years as friends before getting together. Things are going really well, and we both want to build a future together.

Our rough plan is to move in together next spring (so around the one-year mark in the relationship) and start trying for a baby at the end of next year (18 months in). I'd rather not get married, although my partner is keen, so that might also happen at some point.

I was chatting with some girlfriends over the weekend about these plans, and they essentially told me that I’ve lost the plot and that 18 months in is far too soon to try for a baby. For context, my mum and sister both had healthy babies at 40 on their first attempt, but of course, I know fertility is unpredictable and there are no guarantees for me. I feel our age compresses the timeline, especially if we end up wanting a second down the line.

I’m trying to figure out if our timeline is actually rushed, or if my friends are just projecting their own pace. They are both going through some issues in their personal life, and I wonder if their personal circumstances are clouding their views on this topic.

What do Mumsnetters think? Is this timeline mental? Feel free to be honest!

OP posts:
Mauvehoodie · 27/10/2025 08:19

I don’t think it’s too rushed given your ages. I think you just need to talk and discuss everything and make plans for how things are going to be, how you’re each going to pull your weight, divide chores and childcare etc. Let’s face it there are people who have waited 10 years and he has still changed after having a baby! I’d also watch like a hawk for any issues while living together.

Thundertoast · 27/10/2025 08:18

Are they coming from a place of...
18 months in a relationship regardless of if you knew each other before, might not be enough time to really know if your partner will be a good parent and equal partner, have you been able to resolve disagreements calmly, have you talked about parenting in depth, like making sure you dont end up default parent, sharing money, same parenting values, has he proven himself to be someone quick to apologise, have you proven you work as a team even when you've annoyed/upset each other, or one of you is stressed, have you proven you look out for each other when ill, has he proven to be someone open to researching/consulting experts/trying new things (crucial with parenting) not 'my way or the highway'. So many things to think about.
If you are certain of all these things because you have discussed/experienced them (and not just making assumptions) then best of luck to you.

dancingbymyself · 27/10/2025 08:18

I’d wonder if their comments about it being rushed are an indication they see issues in your relationship…

wonderstuff · 27/10/2025 08:18

If you’re both happy it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, go for it. At your age you do need to prioritise kids if that’s what you want.

NaranjaDreams · 27/10/2025 08:17

I wouldn’t have wanted to do it having been with my husband for only 18 months, if I’m honest, but I didn’t have the age pressures.

You have to make the call that’s right for you. If you do want two, presumably you’ll have to turn that around quickly too, and that’ll generate comments too - pretty much every aspect of parenting does - so make a decision you’re comfortable with and don’t invite comment on it.

The only thing worth contemplating is whether your friends are saying this because they see something about your relationship that you don’t, or aren’t acknowledging, and if there’s any validity in them feeling it’s too soon, or if it’s just a general principle.

Smartiepants79 · 27/10/2025 08:17

I think time is not on your side if your want a family. At your age you need to get on with it.
i think the fact that you’ve known him for 5 years does change things. In other circumstances I’d maybe agree with your friends but I think what you’re planning seems fair enough. I would advise you get married though as it carries certain protections for you if you end up holding the baby.

thesecondmrsdewinter20 · 27/10/2025 08:16

I don’t think it’s rushed. You’re being realistic about your age. There are no guarantees: we started trying a year ago after being together two years, just after we bought our house. We’re still trying. It can take a long time.

Smittenkitchen · 27/10/2025 08:15

If you were 30 it would be too rushed. As things are, not at all. In fact I might consider shortening it a bit! It's also very significant that you have known each for 4 years, not just the 6 months you've been together.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/10/2025 08:14

We don't know you or your partner. If it feels right to you then go for it.

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