AIBU to think our baby timeline isn’t that rushed?!

Not rtft but from the op, that's almost exactly what we did. Met DP August 2020, bought a flat together in December 2021, fell pregnant June 2022, DD arrived February 2023. It felt right so we did it, regardless of what everyone else thought. You do the same!

It seems a sensible timeline to me. If you were desperate for a baby or definitely wanted more than 2 kids then I'd say go a bit quicker as 37 and 39 can be very different fertility wise. But most women will get pregnant in their late 30s within a year and it's not your main priority.

You need to start trying now tbh

This was pretty much our timeline though we moved in slightly sooner and we didn't have the additional having known each other as friends before. Worked for us

I had my dc on similar timeline but got married. I wouldn't advise getting married, I was the higher earner, very short marriage and left with the baby, I kept most of my assets but the divorce was costly and stressful with a young baby. If you would be happy to have a baby either by yourself or together, go for it but I wouldn't be rushing into marriage.

Completely agree, in my wide social circle (we're all in our mid 40s now) only two had a baby in their 20s (aged 27/28) and one of those was unplanned. A few had a child aged 32-35 but the vast majority had first child aged 37-42.

I had my first at 40 - most women in my antenatal group were aged 35+. All were over 30. Now my child is in Yr1. There are several other Yr1 parents older than me - some in their 50s. But age at birth is hugely socially patterned. My area is full of educated professionals. Loads of dads at school drop off and pick up as the women are just as likely to have career.

Your friends can only advise, the decision is between you and your partner, and it sounds like you've both had many discussions around it and have good plans in place. I echo what other posters have suggested, to move the timeline up if you you can.

But we’re not just ‘basic biology’. There’s a strong correlation between maternal age at first child and educational level and income. It might be biologically brilliant for women to have babies in their teens, but it’s going to mean that those babies are disadvantaged both economically, by being born into poorer and less stable households, and emotionally, by being born to parents who are barely adults themselves, and who are likely to be heavily dependent on family help.

I see no reason why I wouldn't be in good health in my 50s (but ill health/death can happen at any age and we have insurance for that), and I'll have to keep working until I'm 65 anyway because that's how long our mortgage is 😂It's very unlikely anyone of my generation will be taking early retirement like boomers did - no-one has any money, we're all paying off massive mortgages.

Grandchildren are entirely up to my son and his future partner, nothing to do with me. I wouldn't consider that for a second. If they come along while I'm still around then that's great, but there are no guarantees and basing your own child-bearing on having grandchildren is very odd.

'Too late' for what?

My eldest has just finished uni and my youngest is still studying, I’m 57, I don’t see the issue?

I'm not the person you quoted, but I'd imagine they mean get married legally even if you don't bother with any of the social accoutrements like name changing, rings, a wedding, referring to one another as spouses.

Same! One friend had a baby at 27, happy accident in a stable relationship which she decided to keep but I don't know anyone who intentionally had a child in their 20s.

I met my husband at 24 we were engaged and moved in together 6 months later. We married when we had known each other 20 months - we have now been married 24 years and had 3 children. If one of my children now told me they were getting engaged after 6 months i would be worried no one said anything at the time- he was 30. I guess if you know you know.

It's not weird, it's basic biology.

You have left it a bit late in all honesty if you are 37 now and waiting another year to try you will only be starting to try at 38, you have no idea if you can get pregnant and even if you did the chances of miscarriage increase with age. I probably wouldn't wait at your age, however I'd be concerned about having a baby with someone with known mental health problems, it's hard having a baby and puts a strain on you and your relationship, I wouldn't want to do this with someone mentally unstable. A friend of mine did and it didn't end well. Both working and caring for a baby is really tough, my husband and I have no known mental health issues and we really struggled at times, being totally exhausted and trying to juggle a baby, work, life it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

I realise it is probably your last chance for a baby so you maybe don't mind if you end up having to go it alone if it gets too much for him?

Ditto. One friend who had a child at 26, recently married and unplanned. She now says she doesn’t know what she was thinking.

Exactly. I was born in the 1970s and my own parents were in their 50s when I started university.

I don't have any friends who had children in their 20s except one, who had her eldest at 28... which was a complete accident.

See, I think women need to think about all kinds of things when they’re choosing when to have a child, and how old you’ll be if you become a grandparent really wouldn’t be top ten.

I married my husband 13 months after we met and then fell pregnant first cycle after we tied the knot. It’s our second wedding anniversary today and our daughter has just gone 15 months old. I have never been more certain about anything quite as much as I am about my family/ marriage. When you know you know. That said, up until this exact point in my life I would be telling my friends to slow down. For reference I’m 31.

I’m 53 with a 13 year old, and am far from the oldest mother in his form. It’s pretty normal.

Oh, come on! You're being absurd. People in their 50s are rarely doddering elderly retirees, and nobody has any bloody control over when - or if - they have grandchildren.

The whole thing of urging women to pop out all their babies early like brood mares is fucking weird.

I mean... so what? That's completely normal. Anyone who has a baby at 32 onwards, which is far from late, will be in their 50s if/when the child goes to university.

It depends on your priorities.
I’d be picturing the worst case scenarios and seeing which I found preferable.

1. you get pregnant now, the relationship doesn’t last, but you have a child.
2. you postpone trying to conceive and find you can’t have kids, but you still have your relationship
3. the worst one - you postpone kids, find you can’t conceive, and split up.

When I was your age I knew I wanted kids more than anything else, so I left my partner (who said he wanted kids then changed his mind - long story) and did it on my own, because that was my priority. But everyone is different. If you’re happy to risk being child-free, then let the relationship evolve and see what happens. If you really want kids, then I wouldn’t wait around too long.

And then consider whether you will be in good heath, whether you'll want to carry on working to pay for university and how old you will be when and if you have grandchildren.
Women need to realise that they really are leaving it too late when they have babies in their forties.