AIBU to think our baby timeline isn’t that rushed?!

If it helps, this wouldn’t happen now as you one party is simply informed the other is divorcing them. They can’t stop it happening (they can of course stall a financial agreement)

Marriage does not equal legal and financial protection if you are the wealthier partner. When my relative's husband became abusive it took her many many years to get a divorce as he used every trick in the book to stall the process - controlling her long after the relationship had ended. She was then ordered to pay him, the man who had abused her and their children, tens of thousands of pounds in the divorce settlement. He now pays the absolute minimum towards their children (hides income). If they hadn't been married she would have been legally free of him the day they separated and financially much better off. Marriage is definitely not just a piece of paper - it's a legal contract that too many people sign without realising what it entails. It is certainly not all about love and protection that's for sure.

Being honest I would probably start trying even earlier if possible. 37/38 might mean it takes longer. Obviously it might not mean that but having had experience of infertility I would caution getting a move on.

I actually think it might be that people who openly do this level of planning (rather than say, keeping it to themselves) present as quite anxious and controlling and that could well be what your friends are picking up on and reacting to.

Oh it’s fine, I don’t feel hard done by at all! I’ve had a great life so far with some fab years single / playing the field. Also I was incredibly immature until my 30s really, so if I had settled down with any of my ex-boyfriends, it would have been a disaster.

I’d say I’m actually on the fence about having a baby (70-30 for-against, but it changes weekly lol) and can totally imagine a wonderful future without children just as I can imagine a nice future for DP and I as parents.

Best of luck with moving in together.

however that is not a judgement of your timeline - which essentially is nobody elses busines..

I'd be moving quicker at your age!

Well we disagree. You can be happy to co-parent with someone and not find it necessary to get married to them

Haven’t RTFT, but I’m in a very similar situation.

I’m 36 and have been with DP for 9 months. Unfortunately we didn’t know each other beforehand. We can’t move in together until summer 2027 due to DP doing a part-time Masters and needing to live in the university town for this. If that goes well, we’ll get married soon after that and start TTC. I’ll be 38.

It’s easy for people to judge and say “you’ve left it too late”, but not everyone meets a suitable partner at 27. And honestly, even if I had, I’m not sure I would have had a baby before 35.

Oh, and DM had a baby at 41, so I can also relate to thinking (wishing!) I have okay fertility too.

Of course it is. And completely illogical.

Having a child means you are tied to another person for 18 years, like it or not. And marriage gives you legal protection and significant financial protection.

If you're too scared to sign the contract, you shouldn't be doing the job.

I dont think that is unreasonable tbh

You have no problems having a baby with someone, but don't want to marry them?

🙄

It’s not just assets though. You need to make sure you have something in place to account for medical emergencies, death etc. If you don’t have a civil partnership/marriage then your partner has no say in what happens (or vice versa). As a horrible example, if life support needs to be kept on or turned off (depending on the known wishes of the patient) who gets to decide that? If you are not a legal partner? An elderly parent? A random uncle if parents are dead? Any partnership that leads to children should have these legal areas covered.

I would say that's fine, given your ages. I am also really fertile (have fallen pregnant straight away 4 times) but I only have one child. Losses are more of a risk as we get older. I had no losses before my child (who i had at 31), i'm 35 now and desperate for another. I think (in)fertility is mentioned a lot, but not the increased risk of losses as we age.

I think we are so well educated on avoiding pregnancy that the facts about odds and risks of conceiving ‘later’ are not appreciated. The fact is that at a population level it is harder to conceive and more associated with risk to the child and mother.

if there are fertility issues, it can take a year to find out, a year to investigate,several years to ‘treat’. You may feel ok one way or the other at the moment but the more mental time and energy you invest to conception, the harder it can be to let go of the idea.

I had my only child at 41. Best thing ever however a very long and painful route to get there. I wouldn’t want anyone to look at me as an example of it being ok to leave it late. It would have been so much easier for me to have known and tried earlier. In terms of providing for my child, I’d say it is better later - no mortgage, menopause out the way, looking to retire and on track for that, grandchildren (?!) - always bemused by that one; I don’t control my child’s relationships and future fertility choices anyway so I am not making my life choices based on that!

It's not like you're 18 anymore and need to be together 6-8 years first. Had this discussion recently with my friend as she's currently expecting, she'll be with her partner about 18 months once baby is here. When your older things feel different, your not really figuring out yourselves whilst muddling a relationship, you both know what you want, love each other most likely live together so why not!
I was pregnant within a year of knowing my now husband, we now have a 7 month old too!

Hi op it is a fast paced relationship but if it’s what you both want go for it. Also would definitely leave the marriage for a long time especially with your finances being higher. Let’s face it no one knows what life is going to throw at them. you could have been together 20+ years and it fail. No one has a guaranteed relationship & life style that’s perfect but people try and succeed and some fail. That’s life!

Tried to conceive from 9 months in due to my age. No regrets. No one can be 100 percent sure it will last but I felt like there was a strong chance we would. Know plenty of people together for years, had children and then split so no guarantees either way.

As long as you have agreed how the future looks and are happy it's not rushing. I was engayafter 1 Yr married after 2 and trying took a several months to conceive. Kniw couples who where together for years before having kids and split up before kid was 3 and 5.

DH and I have been together five years. We started dating October 2020. I was pregnant by September 2021. We started trying to conceive in July 2022. At which time I was 36 and he was 35. We started living together a week before we found out I was pregnant. We had known each other at school from age 11-16 but very little contact since then. He added me on Facebook a few years prior but zero interaction there. So by the time we had been together a year I was 6 ish weeks pregnant.

it’s your timeline. It’s your life. When you are sure of someone you are sure. We were sure and knew the practicalities would fall in place, we weren’t getting any younger (fertility etc) so just tired.

people will judge. Let them.

You know what, you could have met yesterday and be pregnant today and it would all work out wonderfully, or you could have known each other 20 years and he leaves the day after you find out you are pregnant.
My point is, do life on your own timeline. If it feels right, then go for it.