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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to cancel?

89 replies

Barsketcase · 27/10/2025 08:04

I’m a single Mum to 2 adult DS in their 20s who live at home.
I don’t get to go out often, no holiday this year as money is tight despite me working, and I’ve been helping out my elderly DM most days. I’m exhausted!
My friend got us tickets for an evening west end show and we’ve booked a hotel, so we can have 2 days in London for ourselves.
My DS who’s 23, was booked for a minor op this week and this has now been delayed to the date I’m in London (day 2)
I told him he’d have to get a taxi to the hospital. His Dad is not involved and everyone else will be at work but he’s really upset that I’m not going to take him when he is going for an op. He’s accused me of putting myself before him, not caring, letting him go alone when he’s nervous.
Do I cancel the trip, let my friend down and lose the money? All tickets are non refundable, as is the hotel.

OP posts:
Wreckinball · 27/10/2025 09:27

No matter what age, if my DC were nervous of a hospital procedure and wanted me there, I’d be there. As it’s not urgent ask him to postpone it and you go on your trip

VictoriaEra · 27/10/2025 09:24

I would definitely go with my son. Can you not come home early if it's two nights.

PastaAllaNorma · 27/10/2025 09:16

Go to the theatre!

You're allowed some fun, you know. It doesn't have to b endless sacrifice.

Snoken · 27/10/2025 09:16

It's time for him to gain some independence. At 23 I hadn't lived at home for 7 years and I had alread done 2 abroad moves. No way would I expect my mum to come with me for a minor op. Would he cancel a trip that he had already paid for to take you to the hospital for a minor op? Most likely not.

itsmeits · 27/10/2025 09:11

As an adult he find support from a friend or his sibling.
As an adult he rings the hospital and tells them the new dates don't work for him.
As an adult he takes charge not spit his dummy out and call his mum selfish.

Safxxx · 27/10/2025 09:11

As mother's we always put our kids first and neglect ourselves... You sound like an amazing mother and daughter and being very present for all. Time to have some quality time with your friend you need a break, remember you booked it when he wasn't scheduled for the hospital so it's not your fault it's rescheduled. Maybe give the hospital a ring and tell them that the change of date is inconvenient and he will have nobody to drop/pick him up etc hopefully they can find the next available date for him.
You shouldn't change your plans ❤️

chattychatchatty · 27/10/2025 09:07

Agree that you should absolutely go to London and enjoy your time away as booked. DS should move the op to a date you can be around; it’s not your fault it was moved and if it’s minor, hopefully they can reschedule soon. I do understand him wanting you there and this seems like a logical compromise.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/10/2025 09:05

I wouldn’t cancel because there’s every chance the operation might be rescheduled again if it’s minor and something more urgent comes up. I can understand him being nervous and wanting company but if you were working or lived elsewhere you’d equally not be available. It’s not selfish to put yourself first occasionally.

vivainsomnia · 27/10/2025 09:03

I agree totally depends on the operation. Depends whether I thought he was acting like a child or genuinely very anxious too.

romdowa · 27/10/2025 08:59

Usually after an operation you have to be collected by someone and brought home. Your dc won't be allowed to go home by taxi and if they dont have someone to collect them then the operation won't go ahead

Redpeach · 27/10/2025 08:57

Time to cut the apron strings

Cynic17 · 27/10/2025 08:56

Does he not have friends? If he wants company, I'm sure he can find someone to go with him.
When I was in my 20s I would have been embarrassed to have asked a parent to do this with me. He's an adult, he needs to cut the apron strings. OP, you deserve this break, and your son will be perfectly fine without you.

Menocandoone · 27/10/2025 08:56

At 23 I’d been living away from home for more than 5 years, I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking my mother to drive me for an operation. He’s not a child and you sound worn out. Go and enjoy yourself.

onetrickrockingpony · 27/10/2025 08:56

Also, frankly why are you describing yourself as a single parent to two adult children? They don’t need parenting, they are adults. Presumably you’re so exhausted because you do all their laundry and cooking and cleaning. 🥱🙄

shellyleppard · 27/10/2025 08:53

Your son is 23 ....more than capable enough to organise transport to the hospital. Tell him to grow up and go enjoy yourself!!

onetrickrockingpony · 27/10/2025 08:52

He is a grown man. So much babying of grown adult children on this website.

ComfortFoodCafe · 27/10/2025 08:51

Hes 23, not 13! Hes an adult, if you keep treating him like a baby hes behaving like he will always behave like that. He can get a taxi, its a minor op not an aumptuation!

Homegrownberries · 27/10/2025 08:50

He might not be let leave by himself afterwards. Is he having a general anesthetic?

CrazyGoatLady · 27/10/2025 08:49

I was living 300 miles away from family at 23. Unless there are any SEN here, DS is being wet - and also rather selfish, given you are a carer for your mum and get little free time. It's not like you planned it this way. The bare cheek of adult children to demand you cancel your plans to ferry them about. If he's really that anxious about the op, he can rearrange, he can just tell the hospital he has nobody to help with transport so it needs to be another day.

His life is not more important than yours now. He's a grown up, and grown ups who need help from their parents ask respectfully and don't throw tantrums when their parents have other plans. FFS.

FuzzyWolf · 27/10/2025 08:46

No, don’t cancel.

Can you compromise and somebody else take him?

Inertia · 27/10/2025 08:46

Given that the hospital have already rescheduled, can he say that he’s u able to attend on that day and ask for it to be moved? If it’s minor I’m guessing that it isn’t urgent or life-threatening?

notatinydancer · 27/10/2025 08:44

No , he’s 23 don’t cancel. If he has a general he will need someone around overnight , will his sibling be home that night ?

themerchentofvenus · 27/10/2025 08:42

He is an adult.

If he that badly needs you to go with him then he needs to postpone the op or get his sibling to go with him.

You should absolutely NOT cancel your trip to London.

He is the one being selfish here.

BraOffPjsOn · 27/10/2025 08:38

When I had my op I had to be dropped off at the doors and then collected when I was discharged so there’s no point you cancelling your trip when you won’t be able to wait with him anyway, if he’s that anxious about it all he needs to reschedule to a time when you’re around.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 27/10/2025 08:35

It depends what the op is