To not want to cancel?

Is he having major surgery or a small procedure surgery? Will he be staying in hospital overnight afterwards or allowed home? If it's major surgery then I'd ask if he can move the date so you can take him without missing your trip with your friend. If it's minor surgery & he'll be out pretty much straight away tell him to grow a pair & book a taxi to take him & pick him up. To soften the blow buy him some nice treats for when he gets home.

Why shouldn’t you put yourself before him?! As a minor op in advance I assume it isn’t life threatening so he can piss off!

Enjoy your time away OP, and turn your phone off

My DS19 would be mortified if I came with him. He'd be telling me to have a great time in London.

He likely needs an adult with him after the op but any adult will do and if he can’t find one he needs to reschedule

Every minor op I or DH has had would only proceed if the responsible adult who would be picking up at the end of the procedure was also there at check in. You don’t have to stay the whole time, but they have to see you. For DH’s last 2 surgeries, I checked him in, they took my cell phone number, I went and grabbed breakfast, and they called me when we was in recovery. I then had to sign the discharge papers and take him home because a person who has anesthesia can’t take responsibility for following post-op instructions.

Really depends what the op is.

Minor - not really an op but more of a procedure then fine

Minor - is an actual op where he'll be in pain after, its for something pretty grim/shit, has potential to go wrong so hes scared etc then id not hesitate to go with him. Even at 23 he'd still be my son who i sort of care about 😂

Stop excessively putting yourself out for other people.
In your situation, it's not needed.
Go on your trip.

what sort of minor op is it? Will he be under anesthesia where he needs to be released to another adult after the procedure?
Im having day surgery soon and will be getting to public transport to the hospital by myself but will need someone to collect me after.

I think you assume that if you pander to someone and become their slave they appreciate it.

They don't.

They just see you as a doormat and treat you like one, which doesn't include waiting on you right back. It often leads to disdain as they view you as pathetic.

And look here - she has babied her kids and now they don't see her needs as worth one iota of consideration. So I doubt they will be giving her lifts anywhere in the future either. More like still asking for them in their 40s and getting angry and abusive if they don't get it.

I fully expect my children to want to help me and care for me in my old age, and part of my duty as a parent is to ensure they are functional, independent adults by 18. They can live with me sure, but they won't be there as my children like they are now, because that would be failing them.

No you shouldn't. He's being selfish. I don't think there's a nice way to say it but they're meant to be independent adults but you've been babying them?

Don't do it anymore. You should put yourself first! Your kids aren't actually going to thank you for this and aren't going to reward you either. Case in point, they're treating you as a cab service and your needs as non-existent and something that should come second.

I think you should go on the trip and enjoy it. I suspect your son is being a bit selfish. Knowing what the procedure is would be helpful though, so people can answer with the full context.
I took my DD aged 21 for a minor procedure and was happy to be there to support her, but I wouldn’t have cancelled a holiday for it.

I wouldn't expect adult children, who are likely to be in full time work, or maybe have their own families, to take me and pick me up for a minor operation if I could manage it by myself.

Ask your other child to step in. Otherwise ask your friends, parents, extended family, neighbours?

For me it would depend entirely on the nature of the operation.

If he’s having a GA or sedative he’s unlikely to be allowed home in a taxi. And I bet all those saying cut the apron strings will be posting on here in ten years mortally upset/offended that their adult children won’t spare an hour to pick them up from the hospital after a minor op and everyone will respond “YANBU my kid would come in a limousine…” In my book it’s a dick move with future repercussions but you do you.

And doing their full shares of cooking, housework, laundry etc. Were not trying to go off the topic, but you do have a lot on your plate, say you’re exhausted and shouldn’t be running around after two grown men.

Go away for your lovely weekend, and enjoy the show! You deserve it.

For me it would depend on the procedure and recovery. I have DC the same age and would want to be with them but if it was just a mole removal then I am sure they could manage. A general anaesthetic I would want to be with them.

During covid, I got an Uber to hospital for a cardiac procedure. I was kept in overnight and Uber home. Once the anaesthesia had worn off and I was checked out post op, I was good to go, no one home (Single no kids), and none allowed to be during the pandemic either.

I was absolutely fine.

I have taken my Mum to a minor OP and waited for her and she was in her 40s. So I don't think this is an agent thing tbh. But, if I had had plans I couldn't cancel, like you do, she would have found someone else. I don't think he is unreasonable to ask and I dont think you are unreasonable to say no.

I wouldn’t go if it meant my son would be alone and nervous about having an operation. It’s probably about more than transport to him.

You're allowed to put yourself first when they are in their 20s. Go and enjoy the show. Could his brother support him?

I'm almost certain that you should continue with your night out as planned, but what is the op? Are you going to dripfeed that it's an operation that will leave him temporarily blind for 24 hours and they won't let him out without a next of kin or something to lead him to the house? Even then, I'd probably ask if the op could be moved again!

Good grief he can get an uber you'll be back for his recovery its only 2 days ! Other son can visit meantime and you've got whatapp etc to keep in contact . Obviously you wouldn't have booked it knowingly but you didn't. It might be moved again anyway !

He is an adult and needs to realise that . It’s one occasion that has clashed with your plans and he shouldn’t guilt trip you .

On another note, you say money is tight. I hope both of your adult children are paying keep to still be living at home.