To not want to cancel?

He may not be paid for carers leave, It's unpaid where I work and therefore lower earners tend not to take it.

My friend who I went with last year while she had a minor op wouldn’t have been able to have hers until there was a bed for her to be admitted or she found someone who could keep an eye on her after.

One of my husbands uncles was admitted but bed shortages meant it was delayed a few times.

Both had been knocked out for their ops and needed supervision after.

How do single people with no support manage to have operations if someone needs to be there to take them home? Do people with no adult support just not have operations?

She is a single mum, has been for many years. Do you have a point? If you do, is there a kinder way to make it?

So in fact, you're not a "single mum", you're an independent adult with 2 independent adult children.

I’d go on my trip. I’d be supportive and caring but explain as an adult there are lots of things he needs to he able to do, and of course id be there if I didn’t have these plans, but honestly being able to take a couple of days away is a huge deal to a single mum, and the equivalent would really be if he’d booked a month traveling in South America and I’d asked him to move his flights becuase I had a migraine/sprained ankle. That I’d check in after and I’d be there at home for most of the recovery, but I needed this.

Man up mate. End of. Big baby

I don’t think OP should cancel her plans but it’s hardly odd for anyone to ask for emotional support in hospitals esp if they’re nervous, there is plenty of fully grown adults who get very nervous and anxious in medical settings. I am in hospitals regularly and majority of people I see in waiting rooms have someone with them. I’ve seen people older than OPs son have a parent with them.

I couldn’t give a fuck how old or what relation to me anyone I cared about was, if they need that support and I’m available, then I’m there.

Maybe it’s a sexism thing and some posters think because it’s a male and his mum then he should be mortified or embarrassed of himself.

It was the day after I drove home btw

When i was 25 I had symptoms of appendicitis. Drove myself to A&E to get checked out. I was right. Stayed in hospital 4 days waiting for the surgery and with the surgeons permission drove myself home. Your son needs to get a grip.

Is his sibling nearby? If so, he could take the day off work as carer’s leave to take his brother to/from operation.

OP says "a minor op". I wouldn't have my mum cancelling a much longed for trip because I needed a tooth extraction or a mole removed or an abscess drained. Young man needs to get a grip.

Of course you cancel the trip, why is it even a question?!! How could you possibly even think of going off on a jolly while your child is having surgery and don't get me started on expecting him to get a taxi!! Simply unbelievable!!

Jeez. My son (when he was 20) got himself to the hospital as I live 70 miles away. I did go get him after - he threw up three times on the way back to his house. Any way you can get him after? The before but is not a problem - he’s an adult! But after I can see how some TLC would be good.

He sounds like a big baby!
Go and enjoy your trip x

It depends entirely on the procedure.

If it's minor and a in & out job, definitely go on your holiday.

However if there is some sort of aftercare involved, where he is handicapped for some time, then you should put him first.

I also think it depends on what the op is. But also, can your other adult son not be there for him?

I think the bigger issue here is the overall situation. You don’t say in your OP as such, but it reads as though you’re supporting them financially and looking after them practically as well. You shouldn’t have to be doing this with two grown men in their 20s.

Then need to be paying their way (unless perhaps one or both are students still?) and doing their bit around the house. Then you wouldn’t feel so exhausted or skint I imagine!

I think it’s depends on the op and if he needs a general anaesthetic or not? Hopefully his brother will step up and take him or he can see if they will reschedule.

Exactly. At that point I was a police officer, living 800 miles away from my parents paying my own mortgage. When I needed assistance for my various medical stuff, I got a friend to be the person to pick me up after anaesthetic.

OPs son can arrange a friend, brother or another relative if he needs someone to look after him for a short period. Time his mum got a night out!!

Some 23 year olds live at the other end of the country and get on with their lives without lifts from their mums! He’s being ridiculous. It’s a minor op.

The op could get cancelled again so I wouldn't give up on your plans.

I recently went on a school trip and we visited a memorial graveyard for Canadian soldiers who died in France during the second world war. They were as young as 16. And today's 23-year olds don't even want to get themselves to and from a minor op in a hospital. Says it all really. Go and have fun!

Presumably he manages to get to work each day, so he absolutely can get himself to hospital, either in a taxi or public transport. He does not need you there prior to his operation.

Depending on the nature of the operation - what is it? Most things not requiring a night in hospital are minor I think... Does he need someone to collect him and be with him afterwards? If so, can this be your other child or a close friend? You'll presumably see him in the evening once you're home from your second day in London?

You rarely get a break. Nothing is refundable. Go and have some respite.

Go with your friend. It’s too much to lose. A minor op isn’t a big deal. He’s being lazy and trying to guilt trip you.

I agree with this. I would be there no matter the age. But it is a minor procedure and could be postponed.