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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my husband and close family right about her?

106 replies

Dolphindances · 27/10/2025 07:14

Bit of background - this friend and I are both late thirties, I got married last year (met by lots of comments about my engagement ring and new marital home being OTT by her which I let go - they are not BTW three bed and a classic round cut 2c diamond but an upgrade from my 1 bedroom flat 🤣). She has been in a LTR for about 10 years with a guy, she is keen to settle down and he moves to various countries for work which she follows. She is keen to get married and have 3 children. We have know each other since mid 20’s. Now we are 39.

After a few years of trying - 2 miscarriages this year and a referral for IVF I somehow by a miracle fell pregnant this summer. I am due in Spring time which correlates with a friends wedding in Italy which I likely will not be able to attend due to my gravid / potentially post partum state. Upon receipt of my pregnancy news the above friend, mentioned how my timing and planning was poor for the pregnancy due to the upcoming nuptials, rolling her eyes and even messaged to check if ‘I have told her yet’ several times, as the bride will be disappointed in me and she is keen for her reaction. I was so upset I messaged the bride to be and she is just delighted I am pregnant and happy for us to be in attendance at her local wedding instead in due course.

my husband and sisters want me to leave this friendship now. I have never actually seen my husband so angry and my sister looked like she was going to cry when I told her. My husband asked if she knew about the MCs and IVF referral for which I said yes.

Any advice on how to approach this? Am I feeling more upset by this with my pregnancy hormones?

OP posts:
FlorenceAgainstTheMachine · 27/10/2025 07:24

I think she’s jealous of your lifestyle. To me, this seems obvious. She is traipsing round the world following a man who probably won’t marry her or give her the children she wants, and she is taking that anger and sadness out on you, because you are experiencing these things.

Either call her on it or, if you don’t think she’d be receptive to that, slow fade. She’s not your friend anymore, the concocted rivalry she has going in her head has eroded your relationship.

Fernycurly · 27/10/2025 07:20

Your DH sounds like a gem as does your sister.

Write up a balance sheet of how your friend makes you feel. If she is only adding negative emotions - confusion, sadness, shock - and these emotions are more than positivity - happiness, appreciation, support - then fade her out of your life.

Her jealousy will get worse as your pregnancy progresses l. Congratulations btw. You probably need to have a chat with her about how she makes you feel but good luck, it won’t be easy.

Bambamhoohoo · 27/10/2025 07:20

I think this is so common at this life stage/ age. It suddenly gets all competitive in some people’s eyes get the “adult” lifestyle.

I would dump her and I think it’s common for friendships not to make it through this stage. Everyone wants something different from this stage and has different ways of getting it.

it’s tough but sounds like you have lots of other friends and close family

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:20

It is concerning that you’re even asking

Bigtreeesss · 27/10/2025 07:17

it sounds like she has som jealousy issues possibly?
But she’s not a friend she hadn’t been very kind, unclear if she’s always been like this or it’s being driven by the jealousy of you perhaps having the life she wishes for

skelter83 · 27/10/2025 07:17

This is so simple - either block her and cut her off or tell her how disappointed and hurt you are by her constant put downs and then block her and cut her off. She sounds awful and jealous.