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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my husband and close family right about her?

106 replies

Dolphindances · 27/10/2025 07:14

Bit of background - this friend and I are both late thirties, I got married last year (met by lots of comments about my engagement ring and new marital home being OTT by her which I let go - they are not BTW three bed and a classic round cut 2c diamond but an upgrade from my 1 bedroom flat 🤣). She has been in a LTR for about 10 years with a guy, she is keen to settle down and he moves to various countries for work which she follows. She is keen to get married and have 3 children. We have know each other since mid 20’s. Now we are 39.

After a few years of trying - 2 miscarriages this year and a referral for IVF I somehow by a miracle fell pregnant this summer. I am due in Spring time which correlates with a friends wedding in Italy which I likely will not be able to attend due to my gravid / potentially post partum state. Upon receipt of my pregnancy news the above friend, mentioned how my timing and planning was poor for the pregnancy due to the upcoming nuptials, rolling her eyes and even messaged to check if ‘I have told her yet’ several times, as the bride will be disappointed in me and she is keen for her reaction. I was so upset I messaged the bride to be and she is just delighted I am pregnant and happy for us to be in attendance at her local wedding instead in due course.

my husband and sisters want me to leave this friendship now. I have never actually seen my husband so angry and my sister looked like she was going to cry when I told her. My husband asked if she knew about the MCs and IVF referral for which I said yes.

Any advice on how to approach this? Am I feeling more upset by this with my pregnancy hormones?

OP posts:
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Serpentstooth · 08/12/2025 21:22

Are you getting some kind of masochistic pleasure from this OP? It sounds deranged. Ditch the bitch. Just ghost her and don't respond to anything. Block her number.

Lotsofsnacks · 08/12/2025 16:36

And you’re friends with her because….? FFS OP your DH is right, she sounds a right weirdo!! You know this. Please keep ignoring, and I would phase her out, she sounds far too intense and jealous

Suednymph · 08/12/2025 16:08

It is nothing to do with ocd at all. I had a 'friend' like that who literally devoured information about me just to try bait me with it at a later stage and when I did finally walk away from the friendship she pretty much blackmailed me and said she knew too much about me for me to walk away from her. I did anyway and she told everyone my business but fuck it was worth to get the toxic twat out of my life anyway by then. I had fed her a few lies too over the time so a lot of people laugh at her anyway now.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 08/12/2025 15:55

OP what do you get from this relationship?

Friendships should improve your life.

outerspacepotato · 08/12/2025 15:51

Back away. She's digging for info that's not her business.

I'd block her myself.

Her OCD is for her to manage. I think it's just nosiness and she wants to start trouble if possible. You have better things to do.

Autocorrect23 · 08/12/2025 15:43

This isn’t a friend OP, sorry. Friends pick eachother up during their worst moments and congratulate eachother at their best, she should be happy for you. Ultimately it comes down to her personal circumstances but that’s life, it doesn’t give her the right to put you down for yours, especially if it’s good news. This won’t get better, I would leave the friendship as is x

Original poster
Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 15:39

Hopingtobeaparent · 08/12/2025 15:14

And what happens when you say ‘no’ ?

It’s up to her to manage her OCD, not for everyone in her life to enable her cycles.

I’m glad to hear you’re limiting contact now. I think that’s for the best.

Show quote history

She goads me for information
when i started dating my husband being older and wiser i didnt want to get too excited as it was so early days - she continually questioned me about his name where he worked what he did etc etc
so if i dont give her the information she wants she will continually ask me until she eventually gets it - its obvious i dont want to share with her

OP posts:
Hopingtobeaparent · 08/12/2025 15:14

Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 10:29

me and my husband - she wanted to know which date we were going and where - I had ignored the original question and she messaged back wanting to know as it ‘triggered her OCD’

Show quote history

And what happens when you say ‘no’ ?

It’s up to her to manage her OCD, not for everyone in her life to enable her cycles.

I’m glad to hear you’re limiting contact now. I think that’s for the best.

Lurkingandlearning · 08/12/2025 15:09

Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 11:21

I am not sure what the trigger was and why she needed to know the exact date. I think she likes to keep tabs on me and my husband _ as an above poster said I think she compares herself to me when we are totally different people and are from very different backgrounds

shes just a numpty I agree

I have limited my chat with her massively she sent a message to check in that all was well but I dont trust her - I think she just wants data

Show quote history

I’m glad you are backing away. You might not need to say anything about triggering her OCD. I don’t think that is OCD. Apologies if I am wrong. I think she is just using that term to make her whims sound like a MH issue which you would likely feel obliged to support and definitely not challenge.

You could play her at her own game. Tell her a date and hotel. Let the conversation continue a bit and then say the information you gave her wasn’t true. Explain that you wanted to demonstrate to her that not actually knowing when and where you were going didn’t affect her in any way at all. She decided to believe you so she could just as easily decide in her own mind when you would be travelling which would be soothing for her.

It would be absolute BS mind fuckery but no more so than her feigned OCD.

pouletvous · 08/12/2025 14:43

i would cool it with her. Nobody needs this level of competition with a friend

Original poster
Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 14:40

purplecorkheart · 08/12/2025 14:29

I actually would not put it past her to cancel the hotel etc. She sounds incredible jealous and she wants to ruin your happiness.

Show quote history

It was strange indeed
she didnt even end up messaging me when I was at the hotel etc

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 08/12/2025 14:29

Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 10:29

me and my husband - she wanted to know which date we were going and where - I had ignored the original question and she messaged back wanting to know as it ‘triggered her OCD’

Show quote history

I actually would not put it past her to cancel the hotel etc. She sounds incredible jealous and she wants to ruin your happiness.

Serpentstooth · 08/12/2025 14:20

It's Christmas OP. Give yourself a present and have as little to do with her as possible. Not a friend.

euff · 08/12/2025 11:57

She’s not a friend. She compares everything you have and do. She most likely feels you shouldn’t have anything better than she does. She’s not happy for you when you have to date the best news of your life and tries to ruin it? Why do you even need your DH and family to ask you to drop her?

Suednymph · 08/12/2025 11:49

Shes just a nosy fuck, you are best to keep miles away. Bitterness is not a good look on anyone.

Original poster
Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 11:21

Suednymph · 08/12/2025 11:16

What was the trigger exactly? I have diagnosed ocd and nothing that my friends do would trigger it if it is outside of my home and clearly nothing to do with me. Shes just a jealous numpty and I agree it is because you were assigned a role in her life/performance and you deviated from that and it pissed her off.

I am not sure what the trigger was and why she needed to know the exact date. I think she likes to keep tabs on me and my husband _ as an above poster said I think she compares herself to me when we are totally different people and are from very different backgrounds

shes just a numpty I agree

I have limited my chat with her massively she sent a message to check in that all was well but I dont trust her - I think she just wants data

OP posts:
Suednymph · 08/12/2025 11:16

What was the trigger exactly? I have diagnosed ocd and nothing that my friends do would trigger it if it is outside of my home and clearly nothing to do with me. Shes just a jealous numpty and I agree it is because you were assigned a role in her life/performance and you deviated from that and it pissed her off.

Original poster
Dolphindances · 08/12/2025 10:29

Momfrom84 · 09/11/2025 16:39

Needs to know when who is staying in the hotel? Like your group of friends? On trips together?

me and my husband - she wanted to know which date we were going and where - I had ignored the original question and she messaged back wanting to know as it ‘triggered her OCD’

OP posts:
Momfrom84 · 09/11/2025 16:39

Needs to know when who is staying in the hotel? Like your group of friends? On trips together?

BrightGreenPoet · 01/11/2025 18:11

I don't know you, your husband, or this person and I'M furious at her for you.

Block her and move on with you're life. YANBU

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 29/10/2025 08:46

Dolphindances · 27/10/2025 07:40

Why does she need to know exact dates and hotels? Is that more jealousy?

Show quote history

Control

Hopingtobeaparent · 28/10/2025 13:13

Dolphindances · 27/10/2025 07:34

Her nasty digs have gotten worse since I met my DH - I had lots of different boyfriends throughout my 20s which it did not work out with for various reasons. By the time I met DH I was actually fairly content. Since I have met him it has been constant digs. She waa never like this before I met him. Also, she has to know the exact date and place of hotels we stay at or it triggers her OCD apparently.

WTAF?! Tell her to do one!!

No, she’s is not a friend. Maybe she was, but not any more….

Either give her a piece of your mind and dump, or just dump, up to you!

Suednymph · 28/10/2025 12:36

Run from her. Shes ridiculously jealous of you and she will do nothing but continue to bring you down. Get rid of her honestly shes toxic.

Serpentstooth · 28/10/2025 12:13

A friend does not make you feel worse about yourself, OP, there's a different name for that kind of person. You have heard the phrase 'familiarity breeds contempt'? That's what she's reached with you. Your partner and sister are correct. Bin her. There's more than enough things in life to make everyone feel bad without "friends" adding to it.

SparklyGlitterballs · 28/10/2025 12:02

I agree with others. This woman is envious of your life. She met her bf first and probably wanted or expected to be the first one engaged/married/pregnant/homeowner. Your achieving all these things and she's being left way behind which must be hard admittedly, but taking it out on you is not acceptable. I wouldn't mind betting when your baby arrives she'll get even worse, so probably best to phase her out now. She's not a true friend OP.