Friend grabbed my child

I wouldn't want to be friends with Louise anymore. She saw no issue with physically grabbing your child to take a toy away from her because her own child wants it. Contrary to some other posters I don't consider her apology good enough as it wasn't freely given. She was giving a whole Mama Bear rant about what she'll do to other children and criticising your child's behaviour until you pushed back. She only changed tack when she saw how serious you were about it.

She only apologised when she realised you were annoyed though, she tried to justify her actions and blame your DC first though! This is the bit that wouldn’t sit right with me. She didn’t apologise because she was wrong, she apologised because she doesn’t want to lose your friendship!

@friends345 rather than spending more time with Louise I think I would focus my time joining different groups and trying to make some new friends.
I am guessing you have tolerated her because you mention not having other friends. I would look to widen your social circle.

What the hell???? She is teaching her kid it will get whatever it wants by crying. Great parenting.

op, my experience is having kids makes you look at your friends in a different light. It’s quite exasperating meeting up with people and their kids when you see that their parenting style is basically turning their kids into brats. I avoided meeting up with the kids with these friends. In your case I would have told her very clearly “let Samantha go” as soon as she grabbed her. Someone can grab your child if they are doing something dangerous (like about to run over a busy road or put their hand on a hot pan), but grabbing them to demand a toy because their child is whining for it is just physical abuse.
You need to decide if you still want to meet up with her but I would never let my child play with her child without my supervision, because you now know how she deals with her child’s demands and how she will treat another child to “help” her own child. This time you witnessed it, imagine how she would behave towards your child if you were not there to see it and call her out on her behaviour. I’m a very blunt person and would be very honest with her, that I do not appreciate the way she handled this and that I do not trust her to not do it again if I’m not there, so my kid is not allowed to play with her kid without my supervision. But truthfully, I would stop meeting up with her. I have zero interest in finding out what type of bully or spoilt brat her kid is going to turn into.
Your priority is protecting your child. Not maintaining a possible friendship.

It sounds like she grabbed your DC and pulled her arm hard. She will know she’s way out of order for getting physical and initially wasn’t sorry, I think that’s why she had the change of stance from the initial ‘I’m going to do it if it upsets my child’ pov to being apologetic.
Ditch her, protect your DC. The friend has shown a pattern of behaviour which has now turned physical and what your DD said about her arm being broken is really quite sad.

In my opinion, she only apologised and seemed regretful because you pulled her up on it. I can almost guarantee that if you hadn't have mentioned it, she would've said nothing at all.

Stop being friends with her. Even if none of the incidents happened (taking your child's biscuit off of them to give to their daughter, for example) this incident alone would be enough for me to cut someone off entirely.

I've stopped play dates with a friend like this whose child was constantly snatching and upsetting my child, and my child was forced into a people-pleaser role with her mum telling her vaguely to stop and be kind - just not worth it.

Your friend has apologised and seen where she's done wrong but seems like her child is also not great with yours?

Expecting a child to give her child their food is not sharing.

She's encouraging spoilt entitled behaviour.

Louise thinks her dcs are more important than anyone else's, and it's only going to get worse.

So you either have a talk with her about boundaries and what sharing is, and see if she learns from it, or skip to the end and stop seeing her.

Wow that's worse that I imagined. For your mum to see it and say that means it was too far. I wouldn't see her again. Your poor child talking about her "broken arm" means it really hurts still. That's terrible behaviour from an ADULT, all because your friend wanted something for HER child. You cannot continue to be friends with her. Your child comes first.

The toy incident you describe has brought the issue of different parenting styles, or rather ‘habits’ to a head.
Your friend has fallen into bad habits of giving in instead of taking the time and effort to parent properly and fairly. From what she said, she realises it has become a bad habit but maybe she is stuck and can’t get out if it for some deeper reason without extra support and coaching in how to handle her DD’s behaviour.
I think you handled the incident very well in the moment.

I would explain to her that your DD is still feeling the injustice of being roughly grabbed and forced and having the toy snatched from her, and you would like to give her time to process things properly with your help. Therfore you will be giving her that time and support until you feel she is ready to have a play date again, maybe in a few weeks time or maybe earlier. Explain it’s not that you want to make it into a big issue but at the same time you also feel it’s important to let your dd have her feelings fully acknowledged and when she is ready to see Louise again, you will know.
If you want to, you could also say that in the meantime, you are willing to meet up with Louise, without the children in tow, if she feels the need to talk about it a bit more over a coffee.

Yeah I dunno if I’d do play dates any more. Clearly from your updates her kid is spoiled.

when I started reading this I was going to say "if its only once then let it go and keep an eye so its not repeated" BUT its not only once is it? Sorry but I think you need to protect your child and step back from this woman and (sorry) her child. The final straw for me would be blaming her child's behaviour on your child. You both need to find better friends.

I suspect that Louise has ‘learnt’ that by screaming and shouting she’ll get what she wants, and she is subconsciously passing this message onto her child. Doesn’t make it right though.

Let it go. She was shocked at herself and apologised. She realised she endangered her friendship with you. End of.

she treated me badly

this changes my answer. I think she’s a user and the lack of respect she has for you also applies to your dd. Step away, be unavailable. Does your dd want to do ballet or anything where the kids are being guided by another adult and the parents have to wait? More time than to meet the others. Or nursery? Make friends/ spend time with your dd’s friends’ mums.

This is awful. For your child to ask if she has gone to jail and that she broke her arm is an appalling situation and so traumatic for her. Has she bruised her?
I wouldn’t want her near my child again. She is volatile and she assaulted your child. It sounds that she has no boundaries and is a very emotionally reactive individual.

Exactly - or having to share unfinished food as the other already stuffed theirs??

Beggars belief - if it’s a communal toy in a sandpit for example then yeah ok , 10/15 mins each - not two minutes which is always what the mum of the brat who wants your child to share suggests and then invariably brat won’t return after their go.

Look up church play groups. They tend to have mums that know each other and seem more welcoming. I've made friends that way.

This situation has brought back memories. One of my DCs was the same age as a relatives’ DC. The DM was like Louise and their DC was exactly like Louise’s child. I kept the peace because it was ‘family’. Looking back I wish so much that I had not said ‘be kind and share your toys’ but had instead pushed back and been more assertive. If you want to maintain the friendship, then @Ocelotfeet27 made a good suggestion about saying something explicitly now and actively watching to see if that makes a difference. If there’s no change, then pull back. It’s something that I wish that I’d done years ago.

I wouldn’t base your decision on your child adoring her child and being devastated if you stopped playing. At that age I found that between people moving elsewhere for a larger home, moving nurseries, childcare arrangements changing and then going to different schools, friends did move on and it was fine. Base it on how you feel about your friend.

You urgently need more friends, you’re too reliant on her and it does not sound like a healthy friendship. Those groups are difficult to make connections in sometimes so just keep trying, be friendly, say hello to people. The time and energy you are pouring into his friendship could be better spent elsewhere in my opinion.

I would be distancing myself from Louise and her ‘don’t upset my kid at any cost but I don’t give a shit about yours’ parenting.

This ‘got to learn to share’ crap is nonsense. What it actually means is they must develop empathy but they do that by example “let’s let Connie have the toy now as she’s been a good girl waiting her turn” (so adults modelling) and they learn as they grow with emotional intelligence and cognitive ability (reading books etc.)

It sounds like Louise needs to develop some empathy and emotional intelligence herself. This giving into her child wailing every time is pathetic. I’d be quite cool with her from now on. You say your dd enjoys playing with her kid but it sounds like a ball ache to me.