For admonishing DM - diabetes and having cake as a meal

It’s really frustrating when you know your loved ones are harming themselves and you’ll be the one picking up the pieces when they get sick

The three diabetics i know all seem to behave as though the metformin is a miracle pill that allows them to continue as they always did.

One eats a packet of biscuits for dinner. Another eats chips and curry sauce.

It’s like they don’t take it seriously. All are still overweight.

One doesnt have a clue about what to eat, despite the internet and a plethora of books she has picked up second hand. And also what Ive told her from my relative who also has type 2.

All have had health implications such as permanent damage to the eyes or feet. Yet they do not change their ways. It’s like smokers. They are addicted to the thing that’s killing them. They just don’t want to stop.

Their attitude baffles me. I’d be terrified.

So youre not being unreasonable to point out that they aren’t doing themselves any favours. But then you have to step back and let them live their life. If they don’t want to change that’s their problem not yours. You can’t make them change.

It’s hard to step back and do nothing. But you have to.

Its one thing if you genuinely think she doesn't understand her condition and you were genuinely trying to enlighten her.

Its another thing entirely if you're just frustrated and taking it out on her. If she already knows the risks, nagging her isn't going to help change her behaviour (that doesn't mean what she's doiing is OK for her health, of course it isnt).

The OP doesn't need to 'point it out' because her mum is a grown woman and she already knows it's bad for her health.

It's like telling a fat person they should change their diet and exercise more.

However, the OP could gently point out how worried it makes her.

But still, her mum may not want to hear it.

Instead of berating her, it might help if you adopted a healthy diabetic diet yourself, in solidarity with your mum. See how long you can keep it up. Can you manage a week? A month? A year? Twenty years? Give it a go, you might learn something!

I think a lot depends on how you approached the topic. I’m Tupe 2 and don’t always make good choices as I am human and sometimes go with what brings me pleasure. I am also a grown up and recognise that my choices may have consequences. I don’t think I’d be very happy if my friends or family berated me for my decisions.

You are quite right to point this out.
FIL was diabetic and refused to stop cake or sugar in tea, not too many years later he developed Alzheimers (the risk is hugely raised by uncontrolled sugars) which he eventually died of.
My aunt is also diabetic and has regularly broken eating advice, her health is now very badly affected. She has had heart attacks, ongoing pain and numerous hospital admissions all caused by the diabetes.
Maybe when she calms down you can have a serious chat about your concerns for her going forward

No point admonishing her, instead you could help find healthier or diabetic friendly versions of the food she likes.
Diabetes is so insidious, especially type2 because you don't really experience the worst symptoms until it's too late and need medication and I think it's actually quite difficult to change your lifelong eating habits even knowing what can happen.
You may as well learn the recipes because you are at a higher risk of developing it too.

No-one likes their poor eating habits pointed out to them.

How did you put it to her?

Nicely or not so nicely?

A GP friend d was bemoaning this sort of thing the other day. I wonder how much money would be saved by the NHS and on PIP etc payments if people took some responsibility for their health and followed the instructions of their doctor.

How did you express your opinion?

What’s your mother’s quality of life like? Finances, friendships, interests, hobbies, mental health etc.

For a lot of people, food is their crutch, their emotional support/comfort, their safety net that numbs their emotions. It’s also immensely chemically pleasurable.

People aren’t idiots, but quite frankly they think the cake will make them feel better than extending their life span, when quality of life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Is she just treating herself more than usual because you are out for the weekend?

My nan was type 1 diabetic all her life. She ate unhealthy food regularly despite her daughter (a nurse) always telling her off for it, never exercised. She lived well into her 80s.

How was she managing to get a giant slice of gave for lunch? Didn’t you go somewhere for actual lunch if you were hanging out for the weekend?

I’d be speaking to her too, because when she starts getting toes, then feet, then legs amputated, she’ll be expecting you to help her around.

It amazes me the number of people who don't take diabetes seriously.

Given the health repercussions of not controlling the condition behaviour like your DM's is absolutely ridiculous.

It's her life and she can make her own choices.