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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For admonishing DM - diabetes and having cake as a meal

117 replies

StationHouse89 · 26/10/2025 21:12

DM has been diabetic for last few years. Terrible diet. Very little exercise. On metformin. Doing things together over the weekend her meals would often consist of a massive piece of cake, hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows etc etc. I got frustrated with it and pointed out how terrible for her condition this is - to me it seems pointless to me to be taking medication then doing this to yourself. She seems quite put out. AIBU?

OP posts:
3flyingducksarrive · 01/11/2025 03:22

That's fantastic @DareMe . I hope you manage to maintain or get it even lower. You're still diabetic though.

DareMe · 31/10/2025 16:00

Got my results. Have managed to go from HbA1c of 81 to 47 in 8 weeks. Not far off normal range now.

FinallyHere · 28/10/2025 16:05

Glad your DH could help @NotLactoseFree

DH decided that ‘if the nurses say it’s ok, it must be good for me’. While in diabetic ward having months of intravenous antibiotics to try and stop the infection which had reached the bone of his big toe.

To no avail, toe had to be amputated to avoid the infection spreading. Sigh.

NotLactoseFree · 28/10/2025 14:49

FinallyHere · 28/10/2025 14:37

Yeah, and then you see the food served in our local hospital’s diabetic ward.

Routinely expect patients to want biscuits (yes, multiple packets of biscuits offered) and sugar in tea, multiple times a day.

Yes, I was in the hospital for 4 days waiting for DD to be born, with GD. I couldnt BELIEVE the food they were offering me even knowing that I had GD. I had to get DH to bring in a lot of food for me.

FinallyHere · 28/10/2025 14:37

Yeah, and then you see the food served in our local hospital’s diabetic ward.

Routinely expect patients to want biscuits (yes, multiple packets of biscuits offered) and sugar in tea, multiple times a day.

TheOliveFinch · 28/10/2025 11:55

@ohdrearydrearyme

sugar and carbohydrates which break down to glucose are the primary sources of glucose in the body , protein and fats are only used to produce glucose when there is a severe lack of carbohydrates in the diet which is unlikely unless you are on a strict keto diet. Most Western diets contain a lot of carbohydrate and too much sugar for many. Protein is predominantly used for amino acids and fats for fatty acids

Fairydustand · 28/10/2025 11:31

ohdrearydrearyme · 27/10/2025 12:25

No.

As I said above, I have Type 1.

BLOOD SUGAR that is too high long term can cause the issues you describe. Eating SUGAR, per se, does not.

A fairly simplified version of what happens, but:

All the food you eat is broken down within the body into glucose which is used as fuel. Different types of food take different amounts of time to be broken down into glucose. Simple sugars, such as glucose, sucrose and the like are broken down more quickly. More complex carbohydrates take longer, and protein and fats take longer still, but are still ultimately broken down into glucose.
This glucose is transported in the bloodstream around the body to be carried into cells to be used as fuel.
Insulin can be thought of as a 'key' which allows that glucose to get into the cells. Without insulin, the glucose can not get in, the cells are starved of energy, and glucose builds up increasingly in the bloodstream (i.e. the blood sugar becomes too high), with the body doing its utmost to get rid of the excess via urine.

The pancreas of a type 1 diabetic produces no insulin at all. Therefore, in order to get energy into the cells FROM ANY FOOD SOURCE, insulin is needed.
It is actually easiest to dose the correct insulin amount and control blood sugar when eating something which is high in sucrose, because it is broken down so quickly. By contrast, a meal containing large amounts of protein, fat and just some carbohydrates is much harder to get right, as the rate of the foods being broken down into glucose is slow and often unpredictable. Food is still being broken down, but the insulin to cover the meal has already been 'used up'.

Without any insulin, even eating NOTHING AT ALL, the blood sugar of someone with Type 1 will skyrocket. Death will occur within a matter of days even if one were to eat nothing. This is of course what happened to Type 1s before insulin was discovered/manufactured.

In addition, people whose bodies work normally are usually unaware that their pancreas is CONSTANTLY pumping out a smaller or larger amount of insulin. For example, when one wakes up in the morning, the liver (which is one place where the body stores glucose) dumps a load of glucose into the bloodstream to provide energy to start the day.
For a Type 1, without insulin, this will of course raise blood sugar. So you need to have some insulin active in your body at all times, whether by injecting slow-acting 'background' insulin as well as fast-acting insulin to cover the meals you eat, or by using an insulin pump which gives a tiny amount of insulin every couple of minutes (so-called 'basal'), as well as a larger amount (so-called 'bolus') for when you eat something. The correct amounts of all this insulin varies from person to person, is usually different at different times of day, and is pretty difficult to get perfectly right.

So, to summarise, if you have Type 1, you need insulin, even when you are not eating. When you do eat, you need more insulin. You have to figure out how much insulin you need in accordance with what you are eating, which means you are trying to do manually something that other people's bodies do automatically, and it is hard to get it right.

However, SUGAR is not off-limits.

I'm going to finish by quoting myself from upthread:

'As someone who has been, against my will, been given all sorts of - usually wrong - dietary advice or judgement from family, friends and strangers for YEARS now...'

... would you please just stop it.

And that goes for judging people with Type 2 as well.

Sorry I didn't mean to sound judgey .I just thought that adding extra sugar to a type 1 diet, would just make the body more succetible to the serious health issues.I remember my mum constantly adjusting her insulin levels because alcohol turns to sugar.She rarely ate a sweet or biscuit.She had a lot of hypos and had to be force fed dextrose tablets until the ambulance arrived.She just didn't eat enough because she didn't want to be overweight.So I had an extreme version of life with a diabetic.Her big toe was amputed when she was 75 and it never healed.

thisishowloween · 28/10/2025 08:22

3flyingducksarrive · 28/10/2025 02:06

How many times a day are you monitoring? The morning one is important but it doesn't give you the whole story. Mine is usually around that or lower, fluctuates throughout the day (I get my strips for free and I test a lot), rarely goes over 8.

I'm still diabetic even if my HBAC1 is not even in the pre-diabetic range. I suspect you are in for a bit of a shock over the months and years to come.

Exactly. DH is Type 2 and often has “normal” blood results but he’s still diabetic and still needs his medication.

3flyingducksarrive · 28/10/2025 02:06

DareMe · 27/10/2025 21:43

No. That is not what I said.
I had a HbA1C test early September. It came back high, well in the diabetic range. I then started monitoring my own fasting blood glucose (FBG) from then onwards. It was also obviously in the diabetic range initially. I have been doing a low calorie, low carb diet. Today when I did my FBG it was within the normal range. It has gradually reduced since early September. I am having a repeat HbA1C later this week, which I’m sure you know is an average of your blood glucose over the last 2-3 months, so whilst I’m not sure it will have reduced enough to be in normal I expect it to be significantly reduced from what it was. But as I am monitoring my FBG I know I am now in the normal range so will request another HbA1C maybe at the end of January where I hope it will show a normal result.

How many times a day are you monitoring? The morning one is important but it doesn't give you the whole story. Mine is usually around that or lower, fluctuates throughout the day (I get my strips for free and I test a lot), rarely goes over 8.

I'm still diabetic even if my HBAC1 is not even in the pre-diabetic range. I suspect you are in for a bit of a shock over the months and years to come.

RainbowBagels · 28/10/2025 00:41

if she’s in her mid 70s onwards, you can express concern it will shorten her life, but it is her choice. Far too much emphasis is placed on long life. It is about quality of life. I’m older and frankly I’d rather die younger enjoying things that aren’t always good for your heath , than live a longer life of restriction and self depravation
Tbh this is the conclusion I've come to. My DM is 76 and frankly I'm amazed she's lasted this long without more serious complications but she has. She knows the consequences.

InfoSecInTheCity · 27/10/2025 23:40

DareMe · 27/10/2025 22:25

Yes it helps manage glucose circulating in the blood but it doesn’t do anything to the cells that are full of glucose. The reason blood glucose gets high is because the cells are so saturated they can’t fit anymore in, so the excess is just kind of left floating around. Medication doesn’t help clear the cells out so that’s why I said medication just kind of masks the main issue.

I get where you’re coming from, but the biology is a bit more nuanced. Metformin doesn’t just ‘mask’ the problem, it actually works on the liver to reduce excess glucose production and improves insulin sensitivity in tissues. The idea that cells are ‘full of glucose’ isn’t quite accurate; in Type 2 diabetes, the issue is that cells aren’t responding properly to insulin, so glucose can’t enter efficiently. That’s why blood sugar rises.

Lifestyle changes like diet and exercise are hugely powerful and can even lead to remission for some people, but it’s not guaranteed for everyone. Genetics, beta-cell function, and disease duration all play a role. So medication isn’t just a cover-up, it’s a tool to help manage blood sugar and reduce complications

DareMe · 27/10/2025 22:25

Troisoranges · 27/10/2025 22:12

You’ve done brilliantly, but as I understand it metformin helps you to excrete sugar - so it does more than just mask the problem, it actively helps to lower blood sugar levels.

Yes it helps manage glucose circulating in the blood but it doesn’t do anything to the cells that are full of glucose. The reason blood glucose gets high is because the cells are so saturated they can’t fit anymore in, so the excess is just kind of left floating around. Medication doesn’t help clear the cells out so that’s why I said medication just kind of masks the main issue.

Troisoranges · 27/10/2025 22:12

DareMe · 27/10/2025 21:22

No. I declined it as it doesn’t actually solve the issue. It just masks it. I have done it through a low calorie, low carb diet, weight loss, exercise and reducing stress. I could still do better with exercise, but food wise I have nailed it.

You’ve done brilliantly, but as I understand it metformin helps you to excrete sugar - so it does more than just mask the problem, it actively helps to lower blood sugar levels.

Riversidegirl · 27/10/2025 22:02

It’s so easy to be judgmental when you don’t have it yourself. It’s a daily, constant thought for those that do. As someone said earlier, start eating now like you already have it and see how fulfilling your life is.

DareMe · 27/10/2025 21:43

GagMeWithASpoon · 27/10/2025 21:27

You got a repeat HbA1c test after only 6 weeks? And your levels were completely normal?

No. That is not what I said.
I had a HbA1C test early September. It came back high, well in the diabetic range. I then started monitoring my own fasting blood glucose (FBG) from then onwards. It was also obviously in the diabetic range initially. I have been doing a low calorie, low carb diet. Today when I did my FBG it was within the normal range. It has gradually reduced since early September. I am having a repeat HbA1C later this week, which I’m sure you know is an average of your blood glucose over the last 2-3 months, so whilst I’m not sure it will have reduced enough to be in normal I expect it to be significantly reduced from what it was. But as I am monitoring my FBG I know I am now in the normal range so will request another HbA1C maybe at the end of January where I hope it will show a normal result.

GagMeWithASpoon · 27/10/2025 21:27

DareMe · 27/10/2025 21:22

No. I declined it as it doesn’t actually solve the issue. It just masks it. I have done it through a low calorie, low carb diet, weight loss, exercise and reducing stress. I could still do better with exercise, but food wise I have nailed it.

You got a repeat HbA1c test after only 6 weeks? And your levels were completely normal?

DareMe · 27/10/2025 21:22

Troisoranges · 27/10/2025 20:08

Well done you! Are you on metformin?

No. I declined it as it doesn’t actually solve the issue. It just masks it. I have done it through a low calorie, low carb diet, weight loss, exercise and reducing stress. I could still do better with exercise, but food wise I have nailed it.

GagMeWithASpoon · 27/10/2025 21:09

DareMe · 27/10/2025 17:46

I have pretty much reversed what they called Type 2 within 6 weeks of receiving initial blood test results. It is simple and easy to do. My FBG was 5.3 mmols/L this morning - normal range, down from over 11 at the beginning of September. I am having a repeat blood test later this week which I am confident will show a significant reduction in blood glucose. More people should just get on and commit for 6-8 weeks to get themselves into remission.

Edited

How exactly?

Limehawkmoth · 27/10/2025 20:59

Changecross · 27/10/2025 20:44

Having babies is good for society. People not taking care of their health isn’t. You do know that don’t you?

And you do know about probability and normal distribution curves of probability. Don’t you?
You do know about health risk vs benefit seen at population (epidemiological) levels vs individual level..don’t you?

NotLactoseFree · 27/10/2025 20:53

Changecross · 27/10/2025 20:44

Having babies is good for society. People not taking care of their health isn’t. You do know that don’t you?

I guess that means any one who gets cancer related to smoking should not get NHS help? skin cancer - definitely not. Anyone who is overweight - that's it, off they go? Car accidents? If it's the driver's fault - no emergency services for them.

What about someone who has high blood pressure but doesn't give up their stressful job?

or perhaps someone who suffers from a long term acute condition but forgets to take their medication?

don't get me wrong, I get it. we should all be making an effort to manage our own health and our own health risks, but this dismissive attitude to certain diseases or behaviours with the implication that people should just try harder really misses the reality of the human condition for many many people and makes me very very cross.

Limehawkmoth · 27/10/2025 20:52

childofthe607080s · 27/10/2025 16:16

Well the freedom of choice is interesting

we are not free to kill others for example

we are not free to do many things that harm others and this harms others

so freedom to chose needs to be balanced with understanding at the very least that others should be free to express their disgust and disapproval and disappointment

Well if you make a habit of doing this don’t be surprised if all your friends and acquaintances choose to cut you out of their lives for your rudeness.

most other people have the emotional intelligence to realise berating people doesn’t change anything but make that person feel bullied, unhappy and hopeless in being able to solve anything. And usually means they feel even more discouraged to do anything at all to change

no one ever lost weight and kept it off (harder than loosing it) becuase someone told them to do it. It comes form them reaching a mind set change. All by themselves. Same as any addiction.

but hey ho, you keep telling yourself you’ve got to be cruel and unkind to people for their own good or as your right to “express” yourself.

NotLactoseFree · 27/10/2025 20:48

My mother died of complications indirectly related to her Type 2 diabetes.

I used to get cross with her about how she ate at times.

I look back at how cross I used to get with her about food and it makes me so angry.... with myself.

The day she died, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

Two weeks after I was diagnosed, having not been able to attend her funeral as I was not allowed to travel, I had a poncy doctor tell me that I needed to "try harder" to get my sugar levels under control because I was at risk of harming my baby. Thank GOD, the diabetes midwife jumped in to the conversation to remind him that my mother had just died, I'd had just two weeks to get on top of this, and it wasn't exactly an easy time. He still didn't care. Apparently, I just had to try a bit harder.

Many people who are diabetic, particularly older people, do not really understand the way they have to eat.

This is exacerbated HUGELY by well meaning but shit advice and commentary from friends and family (including, prior to me having GD myself, me). MIL is also diabetic. SIL is always banging on and on and on about her diet. But SIL doesn't have a clue and will melt down if, for example, MIL eats steak because SIL believe sred meat is intrinsically unhealthy and can't understand that while it may or may not have an impact on her heart health, it's 100% irrelevant to her diabetes.

Also, what so many well meaning but ignorant friends and relatives don't see, is how much effort the diabetic is already putting in. This is something that my dad would point out to us sometimes - we'd be ranting about her cake but he would tell us to stop. But then, he was, on a day to day basis, living with her and watching her make mostly good choices day in and day out.

Like a PP, I also learnt it was a lot more complex than saying, "no cake". In my case, for example, I discovered that tomato in any form would spike my blood sugar. A single slice of pizza? Bad. Tomato soup? Bad. Tomato salad? Bad. Spaghetti bolognaise even with almost no spaghetti... bad. I had to learn that. And it was hard for me. for my DM and my MIL who have had an entire lifetime of understanding what is and is not okay, it's harder.

Also, let's not forget that insulin resistance etc, causes a lot of other difficulties in terms of understanding your own cravings/hunger/feeling of fullness. This is because of the diabetes, and is yet another challenge. As someone pointed out, that's why the GL-1 drugs were invented in the first place.

Changecross · 27/10/2025 20:47

People doing sport are looking out for their health. Ask a GP whether it’s better for the NHS to treat the occasional concussion from rugby or type 2 diabetes?

Changecross · 27/10/2025 20:44

sashh · 27/10/2025 03:30

What a condescending post. PIP is paid because being a disabled person costs more to live.

The NHS would probably save loads if women stopped having babies, or at least stopped having them in hospital. You could just close all the maternity units and let women take some responsibility for their own pregnancy and labour. Sack all the midwifes and health visitors.

Having babies is good for society. People not taking care of their health isn’t. You do know that don’t you?

Limehawkmoth · 27/10/2025 20:43

How old is mum?
if she is in 50/60s you may have a point but telling someone else what to eat never ever works. She’s not an idiot. She will know the impact- Gp would have discussed that when diagnosed. . She just doesnt want to think about it. it will take a bit of a burning platform for her to make the change herself.

if she’s in her mid 70s onwards, you can express concern it will shorten her life, but it is her choice. Far too much emphasis is placed on long life. It is about quality of life. I’m older and frankly I’d rather die younger enjoying things that aren’t always good for your heath , than live a longer life of restriction and self depravation. My dad lived to 87 and developed Lewy body dementia in last 3 years. Bugger that. I’d rather die of heart attack or stroke or cancer at younger age than live that . It was bloody awful and he was aware of something going on, simply grotesque.

many younger people live lives putting demands on nhs that could be avoided. Life styles thst are apparently healthy. Blaming people and guilt tripping for being a burden on the nhs, as a way of emotionally blackmailing them to alter their choices is particularly obscene. Whatever they are doing. Do we berate people doing horse riding for doing a dangerous sport that can lead to catastrophic injuries if it goes wrong? Or rugby players, or divers… nope. Not usually.

we all have choices. It’s fine to say you would like her to make choices to help her health as you love her and don’t want to see her being disabled or dying earlier. Ask her how you can support her. But stop telling her . Her body, her choice. Your body your choice.