Family holiday without DS1?

Well your DH sounds like an absolute prince. Of course a 7 year old who is already struggling will care that his mum has gone on holiday with his sibling and he’s left behind.

No way on earth would I go away and leave a 7 year old behind - let husband of the year take his own child and you stay home and put your DS first

I wouldn’t leave him, and surely the grandparents would love to have him.

Go on Boxing Day after he has had Christmas Day with his Dad? Ask your parents if you can go next year instead?

I'm glad you are so sensitive to your son's wellbeing

No way would I go without a 7 year old. He will never forget Xmas 2025 for the wrong reasons.

I think seven is a bit young to ‘get’ family dynamics. Even putting to one side his recent issues he will be jealous I imagine (regardless of having fun with dad) . I did similar with an older child and he cheerfully reminds me of the holiday he missed regularly (if somewhat tongue in cheek)

I think you know the answer in light of what’s happening now. It’s change of routine to start off with and I would be getting to the bottom of his recent behaviours.

His dad is likely to be ‘ it’s no problem’ as he probably feels it reflects on him. Which of course it doesn’t. Ego’s and that!?

Your partner is a prick of the highest order. No wonder your son is struggling with him in his life. Follow your instincts op and protect your son.

If he was older I think this would be different but he’s 7! That’s so young - he absolutely won’t understand why you’re leaving him even with the thought of Christmas with his dad as to him that’s one day but you’ll be gone a lot longer.

Although both kids needs are important your younger one won’t know if you go away for Christmas or 12 weeks after whereas your older son will so that’s who you need to prioritise.

Your partner goes with his son, you stay behind in case your son with ex has issues.

You are sending your new partner the message that your older son is your priority. Do you not think your ex is able to deal with him sensitively during holidays apart? You have to have been apart for a few years now. Has this come up before? Is it more of an issue since you've had another baby?

What exactly are you afraid will happen if your son spends his holiday with his dad and you go away? Why can't you discuss this very frankly with ex? Is ex a poor parent? That's the implication here, that you're afraid to leave him for the holiday with his dad.

I think you're starting to see some cracks in your blended family. Do you think your oldest could benefit from counseling? He's had a lot of change over the past few years, it sounds like.

Your child should always come before your new partner

If it were me, I wouldn't go. Your son is only 7 and it sounds like he is struggling at the moment.

Sounds like there’s a fair chance you’ll end up a single parent again with a partner like that so do what suits your children best. 2 year old obviously doesn’t understand or care about a holiday in a warm climate. But going on holidays with your new family and without your older son would be shitty, so you are correct OP, and if your partner doesn’t understand that then that’s his problem

Your DH sounds awful. Of course you can’t do this.

There will be other holidays where you can all go.

But he wants Christmas with his dad. Even OP thinks he’d benefit from it.

It would be completely unfair to him and his dad to dangle a swanky holiday abroad to try and change the normal Christmas contact schedule to suit OP’s new family dynamic.

Agree with the consensus- if you can get your ex and ds to rearrange so he spends the same amount of time with his dad outside the holiday period then great. If not, you just can’t go. Your smaller son is two and will be oblivious and tbh, your husband is being an insensitive nob.

Then take him with you. Does your ex have 50:50?

Why on earth is your husband even remotely having an opinion on this? Your son is clearly struggling and you’re actually fathoming to leave him behind? You’ve married someone else had another kid moved in with or moved in a new man into this boys life. Said man is now emotionally blackmailing you to play happy families with him and your joint child for a holiday at the expense of your son’s mental well being.

When did the low moods start for your child ? Did it coincide with the arrival of your husband ? How about the new baby? What are the dynamics with it all?

whatever if you do you must prioritise your children. You go on holiday with your children or you don’t go at all. It’s as simple as that. You move the dates to suit your child’s school schedule because that’s what a parent does. If you can’t do it then you don’t go.

How old is he, could he fly back on his own ready for Christmas with his Dad?

I’d speak to ex see if there’s any room for negotiation. If not I’d only go if I could be away the length of time DS is away at dads. Or take DS annd come back for Xmas. Otherwise no.

Sorry I misread it, was the OP parents. I stand by what I said about the husband though. He really does not care.

Could you go next year?
Will you have DS1 next year?
Is everyone else who would go likely to be alive and in good enough health to enjoy having you next year?
Would you go next year as well or not for a few years?

I mean ideally you wouldn't go without DS1, but you can't just stop DS1 seeing their dad because you want a holiday, and it doesn't seem fair on any of the rest of you, not to go just because DS1 has to see his dad. If it's like a once in a lifetime trip then it seems unfair to do it without DS1, but equally the rest of you deserve the trip.

It's OP's parents, it says so in the OP. And it's a trip to their holiday home, so they probably go quite often.

I am surprised at your husband and your parents tbh, for your son to miss a holiday with your side of the family seems incredibly mean, it would be different if it was your husbands side although I'd still feel pretty bad about it tbh. Can you reschedule for next year when your son is with you? Or go at half term in the new year instead?

Can you talk to you ex? Obviously he doesn’t have to accommodate but he might.