Family holiday without DS1?

Let hubby go on holiday you stay at home and follow him when your child is back with you.

Good solution OP hope you find out what is troubling your son. Listen out while you are not in the room.
It may not be your partner he is upset with,maybe he would like to spend more time with his Dad. I think you need to find out what is going on. I really feel for you it's not easy. I hope it's soon sorted.

It wouldn't be a family holiday without your son. I'm surprised your partner doesn't consider your son's feelings. Can you not all go a few days after Christmas and during the new year? Your son's only 7 so you've only got another few years of the proper Christmas experience with him. My nephew's stopped believing at 9ish.

I hate Christmas abroad anyway as it just doesn't feel like a normal Christmas in the heat.

I would absolutely not exclude my DS1. I would start by speaking to my ex about it; see if he may be willing to have your son next year rather than this year.

'he's a sensitive child and recently didn't have a great parents evening review - they said he'd been having low mood at school and playing on his own in the playground and also recently had a panic attack.'

Assuming that your current partner is aware of this and at the same time pressuring you to leave your DS1 behind? What a horrible person he is.

Rearranging for next Christmas instead sounds like a great solution.

Please keep an eye on your DH, his response to a seven year child potentially feeling very upset doesn’t seem quite right.

?

Change Christmas ?

He’ll be with his father

Can you discuss with your parents whether different dates might be possible?

You can’t leave him behind, it’s just too cruel, especially as it’s with your family- his own grandparents (as opposed to your DH’s family).

Your husband's reaction is quite shocking. A 2 years old is not going to care much about a holiday abroad during Xmas.

Also it's YOUR parents, not his. It sounds like he cares more about a free holiday in the sun than your eldest's feeling. Worrying....

DS1 spending this Christmas with his dad is important for their relationship. However it may seem a poor second to a family holiday with grandparents in a sunny country. Really the answer needs to be to thank your parents for the offer but that as DS1 is with his dad this year, could you all plan to do that next Christmas when both DC can join.

Your DH is really showing that he doesn't get family dynamics in a blended family and the importance of centring the children. He wants to go on this holiday and he doesn't see why his DC should miss out. Has he given a minute's though to your DS1?

If you want to understand your husband's point of view go to the step parent board. It's littered with threads of step moms wanting to exclude step children from holidays. Quite a lot of the comments are supportive and think it's completely reasonable to want to do that.

This was my suspicion too that new husband is reason why DS1 is struggling.

Sorry partner not husband.

You have done the right thing in my opinion. Your partner is using your son as a excuse for a holiday in the sun.
I would keep an eye on your husband , is he the reason your son has low mood, and is keeping himself to himself? His attitude was shocking saying your son won't mind.

Big fat no from me too @Needingadvice05 your son will be missing out and he will feel like he is missing out. Your DH lacks empathy that is going to be an ongoing problem for you with respect to your son. If people on the internet get that your son will have negative emotions about this I seriously cannot understand why your DH would not get it.

DH is being an ass. You don’t go away on a lovely family holiday, leaving behind a struggling 7 year old
at Christmas even if he’s with his dad. That isn’t going to make it easier for DS1. A two year old isn’t going to have any clue and certainly isn’t going to miss a holiday. At 2 he’ll be having time of his life with new toys and Christmas themed fun. It clearly isn’t about DS2, but about DH wanting to go on holiday.

Tell your partner the invitation has been withdrawn. For him. Selfish twat.

This is so true, a 2 year old won't even remember the trip. Your husband is being very unreasonable.

You’ve done the right thing. If he goes on holiday with his dad that’s a different thing entirely so don’t feel DH will bring this up.

it is sad for DS2 to miss out but it’s not missing out in the same way as he is 2 years old and he won’t be bored at home while his whole family have a holiday.

your DH is only invited because of you. His response should be considered if it was his family inviting you all. Perhaps then he and DS2 could go alone but morally, I don’t feel they should.

id speak to your ex and DS1 and see if you can get him to come with you.

A 2 year old doesn't care about holidays in any meaningful way - sure he might enjoy playing in a pool or fuss from grandparents, but skipping a holiday isn't unfair to a two year old - he won't have any concept he's missing something if none of you go.

So your DC2's dad is being completely disingenuous and using a toddler as a tool to manipulate you into not doing right by your seven year old.

It sounds as though your seven year old is quite down and struggling so it really isn't the time to put DS2's dad's wants first.

I thought when I opened the thread that DS1 would be a teenager who was asking to stay home because he didn't want to go on a family holiday with younger siblings, but seven is so very young, and him not going isn't his choice.

Missing the holiday in the sun might be disappointing for the adults but given DS1 is struggling and only seven, and ds2 won't have any idea, I don't think you can go unless you can work out a way for DS1 to go too but still see his dad (who you say he misses atm).