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Original poster

To not invite ex on day out with the children?

41 replies

NewCoparent · 26/10/2025 17:39

We’ve just recently separated and have 2 children together. I have arranged to take the children to a theme park the day after my son’s birthday as a gift to him. My ex is saying it is cruel of me to not invite him on a day out especially one so close to their birthday.

We did decide when we split that we would do some family days out together still, like the usual going to see Santa and pumpkin picking but they think it should be all days out.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:16

NewCoparent · 26/10/2025 18:09

Is it a birthday trip though? It’s not on his birthday but I am gifting him it as a birthday present. We won’t be celebrating his birthday there so I don’t see it as any different to going at any other time of the year?

Show quote history

I’d say a trip that is the child’s birthday present is a birthday trip.

Generally speaking I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I just don’t know why you’d agree to do family days out if this wasn’t the sort of thing you were thinking, that’s all.

Shelby2010 · 26/10/2025 18:14

No, best for the DC if you have separate days out - then they get twice as many.

Let’s see how many trips ex actually arranges….

Naanspiration · 26/10/2025 18:12

The whole point of separation is to that you don't have to spend time with the other person.

He's either very confused or emotionally manipulative.

traintonowheretoday · 26/10/2025 18:11

No personally I think it’s confusing for the children who may then harbour ideas you might get back together. You aren’t a family unit anymore so family days out - unless it’s the child’s graduation or wedding aren’t really appropriate. You think you are amicable now but that can easily and quickly change so it’s best to have boundaries in place from the beginning

Original poster
NewCoparent · 26/10/2025 18:10

Ex is spending the whole of the birthday day with our son btw and doing the party supervising on the birthday too (his choice)

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 26/10/2025 18:10

Cruel to who?
Your ex - not your problem. You're split up.
Your DC - cruel to continue playing happy family on days out together after a recent separation.
I'd tell ex you've had time to think about the joint family days idea and realised it's not in DCs best interest.

Original poster
NewCoparent · 26/10/2025 18:09

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 17:46

I think that if you did agree that some family days would be done together (odd decision IMO, but you say you agreed), then I’d assume that a birthday trip would be the kind of thing that would come under that agreement tbh.

Is it a birthday trip though? It’s not on his birthday but I am gifting him it as a birthday present. We won’t be celebrating his birthday there so I don’t see it as any different to going at any other time of the year?

OP posts:
Original poster
NewCoparent · 26/10/2025 18:08

Praying4Peace · 26/10/2025 17:46

What does your son want OP?
There lies the answer

He doesn’t know about it because it’s a surprise.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 26/10/2025 17:48

Personally a clean break is better. I think it’s confusing (and u can unfairly get their hopes up) when separated parents do joint days with DC

outerspacepotato · 26/10/2025 17:46

You're split up.

You should be doing things separately with the kids. Being together a lot is just going to confuse them.

He can have his own special days for his kids. Does he just want to horn in on yours so he can take credit for your work in setting up the theme park day?

Praying4Peace · 26/10/2025 17:46

What does your son want OP?
There lies the answer

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 17:46

I think that if you did agree that some family days would be done together (odd decision IMO, but you say you agreed), then I’d assume that a birthday trip would be the kind of thing that would come under that agreement tbh.

thistimelastweek · 26/10/2025 17:45

Start the way you mean to go on.

yeesh · 26/10/2025 17:43

Nope, tell them to jog on 🏃🏻‍♂️

Shoxfordian · 26/10/2025 17:42

Nope, no playing happy families

ClarissR · 26/10/2025 17:41

He can jog on!