DS has just turned seven. His dad and I split when he was a baby.
Up until just before the summer holidays, he would spend a Thursday night with his ExDP’s parents and a Friday night with ExDP, he’d drop him off Saturday afternoon.
They now have him for three nights per week, and it’s a lot more time than before as he’d usually see his dad for less than 24hrs a week. I did try to increase it, but he said he is a weekend dad and has to work full time (so I do).
ExDP says they can’t cope with DS’ behaviour, they say it’s affecting them all. Apparently he speaks to them like dirt all the time, doesn’t listen, talks back and doesn’t stop when asked to when play fighting.
ExDP has a new girlfriend who he got with within the last year and she has moved in with him, apparently DS touched her breasts and bottom when he first met her. I spoke to him about this and he hasn’t done it again.
I don’t have these problems with him, my parents don’t have these problems with him, nor do the school. It’s like they’re describing a different child. His teachers comment on his good behaviour, his manners, how caring he is etc.
This has happened before, when they had a particularly bad day with DS and he dropped him off at mine and refused to have him for the rest of the week (and said this to DS’ face).
I have tried and tried, spoken to DS until I’m blue in the face but I don’t know what else I can do? I want DS, his dad and his grandparents to be able to enjoy their time together.
Some things ExDP has said that encapsulate the situation/how they feel:
“He’s being parented by us all and it’s us who’s getting the backlash”
”Don’t get me wrong his behaviour has improved and bedtime is better, but this is the bare minimum and he still talks to us like dirt when he doesn’t get what he wants”
“I’ve literally spent a fortune on him trying to do nice things with him, making sure he’s got loads for his birthday, and he still speaks to me dirt”
”I can’t carry on with things being like this without any support”
”I take him out to all these places and make him a priority when he’s with me but it’s like it’s all for nothing”
He wants to sit down and have a meeting with me, him and both sets of grandparents. I am willing to do this if it will help him, but I’m struggling to see the benefit.
I think I struggle that he is asking me for support, when in the past I’ve cried out for support and not got it. For example:
• Last year he was considering moving to Australia, and said he’d see DS for three months a year
• My home was broke into and I was being stalked, I asked him to have DS as I had to move to a refuge and he said he couldn’t.
• He went on holiday and decided to stay an extra week (I think, may have been longer, I can’t remember) so I had to call in sick to work and my mum had to cancel her plans.
He is really trying now and being much better, but the resentment still somewhat lingers.
I am at a loss. I don’t know how to help ExDP. I’d appreciate any advice at all please!
AIBU to not know else I can do?