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Original poster

32 yo sister just told us she is dating a 57 yo!

195 replies

Plutowe · 26/10/2025 13:39

We are all really quite horrified

Sister is a beautiful, grammar school/oxbridge student. She really has a lot going for her.

Sister recently broke it to us that she is in a relationship with a 57 yo. Ive seen pics and don’t get me wrong he’s done very well for himself professionally but we’re not talking billionaire or anything close. It’s not a gold digging situation. He’s handsome and fit. Probably was quite a catch….10 or 20 years ago.

Sister has had a tough few years and I genuinely think she is just lonely. My sister would never date anyone who didn’t want children so I can only assume that’s something they’re considering.

I obviously know it’s sister’s life to live but I genuinely think this relationship is a manifestation of her not being that happy. Her engagement ended very abruptly a week before the wedding due to groom’s infidelity.

How can I help sister?

OP posts:
IsFearrCuplaFocalNaCuplaFuckAll · 27/10/2025 12:03

No point acting with faux surprise or offence as per other posters. An age gap such as this is, typically, not a good thing. Why isn’t he getting a woman his own age? Probably misogyny. She’s clearly in a bad place.

there isn’t much you can do and anything that you do attempt is likely to push her away. Just speak to her about the relationship and if you can, add a few realistic notions but probably just make sure she knows you’re there for her.

sammylady37 · 27/10/2025 11:57

Plutowe · 27/10/2025 11:26

shes been in a bad place ever since her engagement ended. All of a sudden she’s back in a relationship with a 57 yo. Never once dated anyone older. It can’t be a coincidence she has made this anomalous decision now her confidence is shot.

No denying he has taken care of himself so is in good shape, dresses nicely etc. but sister can do better than an old bloke. Sorry if that offends but it’s true. He will 67 in ten years when sister is only 42! Fgs…

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Maybe after a bad relationship with someone her own age or close to it, she’s decided an older man could offer her more happiness.

Let her live her life the way she wants to.

FrauPaige · 27/10/2025 11:56

mollypuss1 · 26/10/2025 14:15

Do you think she would make better (in your opinion) choices if she was ugly and state school educated?

Back off and let her live her life, you sound very judgemental.

And went to an ex poly

Starlight1984 · 27/10/2025 11:50

Plutowe · 26/10/2025 15:21

This is the sort of thing I am concerned about. Sister had her eggs frozen after her last relationship blew up. She definitely wants to be a mum and was even thinking about adopting not too long ago!

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Well she knows how old he is so she knows the risks involved?!

As others have said, what on earth has it got to do with you?! She's a 30-something woman, not a teenager FFS!

SaveItForTheBirds · 27/10/2025 11:48

I too find the mention of your sister's education a bit jarring. She's 32 and to mention grammar school feels infantilising. Do you think this is an indicator of the dynamic in your family? Also, everything else you've said about both of them is relating to the way they look - she modelled as a teen, she looked unwell because she was too thin, he keeps himself looking good and dresses nicely... What about their values, sense of humour, hobbies, taste in music, aspirations? Do they treat each other with kindness and respect? Enjoy visiting the same places, watching the same films? Do their politics align? Surely these are the things that actually matter.

Haaaruuuumph · 27/10/2025 11:34

Mind your own business and concentrate on your own life

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 27/10/2025 11:32

She's a grown woman but the gap is quite big. If I were ye, I would keep an eye in case he's up to something. Ask lots of questions about his situation and future plans and find out more about him

PinkPanther57 · 27/10/2025 11:29

Plutowe · 27/10/2025 11:26

shes been in a bad place ever since her engagement ended. All of a sudden she’s back in a relationship with a 57 yo. Never once dated anyone older. It can’t be a coincidence she has made this anomalous decision now her confidence is shot.

No denying he has taken care of himself so is in good shape, dresses nicely etc. but sister can do better than an old bloke. Sorry if that offends but it’s true. He will 67 in ten years when sister is only 42! Fgs…

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What is he like as a person? Kind? Charismatic? Fun? Loyal? Stable? You’ve said he’s financially secure.

Original poster
Plutowe · 27/10/2025 11:26

sammylady37 · 27/10/2025 11:18

So why can’t you accept the choice she has made? Why do you think she needs help?

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shes been in a bad place ever since her engagement ended. All of a sudden she’s back in a relationship with a 57 yo. Never once dated anyone older. It can’t be a coincidence she has made this anomalous decision now her confidence is shot.

No denying he has taken care of himself so is in good shape, dresses nicely etc. but sister can do better than an old bloke. Sorry if that offends but it’s true. He will 67 in ten years when sister is only 42! Fgs…

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 27/10/2025 11:18

Plutowe · 27/10/2025 11:17

Like I said I apologise re sharing her background if it made me sound elitist or whatever. My only point is that she really has SO much going for her. She even modelled as a teen. She really is not limited when it comes to options!

So why can’t you accept the choice she has made? Why do you think she needs help?

Original poster
Plutowe · 27/10/2025 11:17

Like I said I apologise re sharing her background if it made me sound elitist or whatever. My only point is that she really has SO much going for her. She even modelled as a teen. She really is not limited when it comes to options!

OP posts:
LeedsLoiner · 27/10/2025 10:31

I take it that at the age of 32 she's actually left Grammar School ?

WordOfTheDay · 27/10/2025 10:28

cloudtreecarpet · 27/10/2025 07:04

He'd be 97!!!

MN is so weird about these awful age gap relationships and always gaslight people into thinking they are completely normal.

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How dare you say my 28-year relationship is "one of those awful age gap relationships". To say that is despicable.

Trunnyl · 27/10/2025 07:31

cloudtreecarpet · 27/10/2025 07:04

He'd be 97!!!

MN is so weird about these awful age gap relationships and always gaslight people into thinking they are completely normal.

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I had a friend who was still running his own detached house on his own at aged 100! He did manage to keep the house in good condition too

Largestlegocollectionever · 27/10/2025 07:11

I find it really odd you mention what school and uni she went to when she’s 32 and like they make her more attractive?

Bikergran · 27/10/2025 07:10

Help her by minding your own business, but being there if she needs you. Sorted.

arlequin · 27/10/2025 07:09

OP I think you might have put people’s backs up with the Oxbridge thing but I totally get why you’re worried.
Have a chat to her. Don’t make it personal about him but more about how the age gap will work out as she gets older.

cloudtreecarpet · 27/10/2025 07:04

Trunnyl · 27/10/2025 05:43

It might???!!!!!

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He'd be 97!!!

MN is so weird about these awful age gap relationships and always gaslight people into thinking they are completely normal.

OurFavouritePlace · 27/10/2025 06:12

I’d be concerned too if this was my sister. She sounds quite vulnerable and is possibly settling after everything she has been through and because of her desire for children. The age gap will likely show more and more in the coming years if they stay together, and if they have children, he’ll be parenting teens in his 70s.

If you are close, I’d just be honest with her about your concerns and let her know that you’re there for her. She’s in her 30s though so I don’t think you can do anything else.

Trunnyl · 27/10/2025 05:43

WatchingTheDetective · 27/10/2025 05:19

That isn't going to happen here is it!

Edited
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It might???!!!!!

WatchingTheDetective · 27/10/2025 05:19

ELO10538 · 26/10/2025 14:03

Same age gap as my grandparents. They were married for 40+ years.

Edited for typo.

Edited

That isn't going to happen here is it!

Trunnyl · 27/10/2025 05:14

Yamamm · 26/10/2025 16:12

He’s far too old to start a family. By the time they’ve been together long enough to commit he’ll be 60. Who wants to be 75 with a teenager?
Not the worst thing in the world but if he’s father material he would have done something about it by now.
Still. It’s hard out there. Maybe marrying a too old bloke is better to her than not marrying at all. Hopefully he does at least really have assets and income to make life easier.

See I DON’T think he’s too old to have a family

But I appreciate opinions may differ from mine

Trunnyl · 27/10/2025 05:09

TempestTost · 26/10/2025 19:51

Jesus OP. Thirty-two is well into adulthood.

If they get on, have fun, and respect each other, why the heck wouldn't they date?

Yes my feelings completely

Trunnyl · 27/10/2025 05:07

If just be very pleased for your sister

I know someone this age who plays Sunday league and 5 a side football

57 is not old

BruFord · 27/10/2025 00:51

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone

I think what @zov is saying is that as a parent, she’d be concerned for her adult child in the long term if they were in a LTR with someone 25 years older, esp. if they want children. Not at 32 necessarily, but in the future.

How would you feel if your adult child were in that situation. I don’t think that’s an unusual reaction tbh.