Concerned about child's father parenting

Good, bad or indifferent - that’s the father she picked for the child, so it’s a bit late in the day to be complaining that he doesn’t meet her standards.

I didnt? Reading is a skill your lacking clearly

So your worried about one meal a drink or two and a snack.....get a grip you have 20 meals to be healthy one a week treat isn't going to kill him

You had no right to TELL him to do anything

Tell him to stop least buy subway i used to find sighing and saying well if that's all you and your parents can afford (when he lived with them) then came the inevitable YOU need to provide food for YOUR CHILDREN while WE BABYSIT so I sent a few slices of bread and a tin of beans I also offered a scrape of butter as they were so clearly hard done by (they all worked full time and the house was paid off) i did it again few times before they stopped asking

I think you need to unclench a bit tbh. Your child is only 22 months old - really, really don't fall for the rhetoric that because he is happy to eat everything you put in front of him now he will always be like this, or that only offering healthy foods will ensure he prefers them for ever, or by restricting what he eats to only healthy foods, he won't know about unhealthy options. It's all rubbish I'm afraid, said by someone who had had three children, all fed the same and who have vastly different attitudes to diet as late teens-30s.
I fear this current obsession with 'healthy' food and the seeming inability to use nuance or common sense (ref the pp who said this was child abuse) is leading these parents into a false sense of security about their superior parenting which will unravel pretty quickly once the children are beyond primary age.
OP, you might be convinced you are right, but this really REALLY isn't anything approaching a reason to withhold contact. Please don't do it.

PPs suggestion of sending DC with a box of healthy food is a good one
sounds like the father is lazy- why go and buy stuff if food has been supplied?
Bonus points if OP pretends its an inconvenience to her as he will like that

You are being unreasonable and the courts will take a very dim view of you attempting to restrict access because you don’t like him having crisps. It sounds like you don’t like your ex very much which may be justified but unfortunately you chose to have a child with him so you will both have to manage. I’d imagine there will be far bigger disagreements than this ahead of you as he grows so best learn now how to negotiate effectively.

Point out where she said he won’t feed him a meal?

Kindly, you are in for a very long 18 years if you let all of his parenting choices affect you this way. Of course we all want what’s best for our dc and it can be tough when parenting styles clash. But you aren’t going to change this man. If anything he’s probably going to be more stubborn and determined to do his own thing the more you criticise and try to guide him to follow your superior ways.

You need to back off. Your ex’s time is his time and it’s up to him what he feeds your dc and when they go to bed. This may cause issues for you when they come home but that’s the reality of co parenting. You only need to read the boards on here to see how tricky it can be to navigate.

As long as your dc isn’t in danger there is nothing you can do about this.

No, he won't. A court is not going to deny him overnights based on anything in her posts.

The court won’t prevent your ex seeing his son because he gives him innocent smoothies to drink …

There is nothing in this thread that would stop a court mandating access.

You say he only has him for a few hours at a time at the weekends, so how much of an issue can this really be? The vast majority of the time he is with you and eating food you supply. He doesn't have overnights and you say you aren't sure your ex wants them, so what are you annoyed about that for? It seems like you are making up an argument about something that hasn't happened yet.

gordon Ramsey female is he lol I doubt he would like that idea
so batch cook and send with your kid so they can be microwaved

The bar for good parenting is very low in court. When abusers and convicted criminals are getting access to their dc I really don’t think crisps and milkshakes are going to be on a courts radar.

It’s not ideal but you can’t control what he does in his time unless you believe there’s a genuine safeguarding issue.

There is lots she can do.
offer help and support and easy nutritious ideas
go to mediation with him , especially if mediator is a man, a sexist like the ex might listen to him (my ex did)

and also give herself a break - op has done so so well giving his gut biome such a solid start and getting lots of nutrition in him for the rest of the week.

just to reassure you as well, they do adapt to different rules. Eg I never ever ever give my son a phone to watch in the car. His dad always does. My son has asked once or twice but never mentions it again as he’s worked out that’s not on offfer at mummy’s so no point.

That’s the impression I got from her post. I agree with you though that’s it’s very different advice if he’s giving unhealthy junky meals like McDonald’s, or if it’s nothing at all except for salty snacks and sugary drinks. If he’s giving meals (even if he doesn’t cook them,blink microwave or take away or freezer over food) then that would be considered ‘good enough’ by the time they get to court baby will be well over 2.

op either way I think your best bet is to be helpful and offer support (even though you shouldn’t have to) in writing rather than criticism or instructions or what might ‘seem’ threatening or manipulative.

But they don’t have shared custody now, op is main carer and resident parent , her ex is a visitor. He aspires to share care apparently, for op to agree to changes he’ll have to convince her (or a court) that child is safe enough and fed enough in his care.

He sounds crap but you chose a man who’s sexist and won’t cook as your child’s father and this is one of the unhappy consequences. It’s awful for your little boy but plenty of people have kids who can’t or won’t feed them responsibly and don’t baby proof their homes. He’s not going to lose contact because his standards don’t meet yours. I’d be appalled but at some point you thought he was a good person to coparent with, not much you can do now.

That's the reality of shared custody.

This is the reality of sharing custody of your child. You won’t agree on lots of things but the only thing you get to control is what goes on during your time with the child.

There is no way to say this politely, but what did you think would happen when you decided to have a child with him?

Give over. Not anywhere has OP said that he's only feeding him crisps and not feeding. Other junk could mean take out, it could mean banging a ready meal in the microwave, it could mean chicken nuggets and chips out the oven.

You can't do much about it. Id personally be more bothered about his attitude that women should cook him etc. You can't do much about that either of course