Page 2 | Concerned about child's father parenting

fooddiee · 2025-10-26T11:41:13+00:00

So when my child's father has DC he will give DC unsuitable drinks from bottles which are full of sugar and sweeteners. I'm talking about Innocent Smoothies, milkshakes etc. Food wise he will give DC crisps and other rubbish. I provide DC with healthy and nutritious meals which he loves. DC eats a minimum of 5 fruit/veg a day and I follow the basic guidelines for his meals. I am concerned that the junk he eats/ drinks with his father will start to affect what he eats and drinks when he is with me. My ex can't cook as it's a "woman's job and women should cook for him". I have told him that unless he can stop this and learn how to cook DC will not be having over nights with him and I will happily tell the court the reasons why. AIBU to feel this way or am I being too strict?

Tourmalines · 27/10/2025 05:29

Katypp · 26/10/2025 18:34

I think you need to unclench a bit tbh. Your child is only 22 months old - really, really don't fall for the rhetoric that because he is happy to eat everything you put in front of him now he will always be like this, or that only offering healthy foods will ensure he prefers them for ever, or by restricting what he eats to only healthy foods, he won't know about unhealthy options. It's all rubbish I'm afraid, said by someone who had had three children, all fed the same and who have vastly different attitudes to diet as late teens-30s.
I fear this current obsession with 'healthy' food and the seeming inability to use nuance or common sense (ref the pp who said this was child abuse) is leading these parents into a false sense of security about their superior parenting which will unravel pretty quickly once the children are beyond primary age.
OP, you might be convinced you are right, but this really REALLY isn't anything approaching a reason to withhold contact. Please don't do it.

Best post .

Ladyzfactor · 27/10/2025 05:15

Katypp · 26/10/2025 18:34

I think you need to unclench a bit tbh. Your child is only 22 months old - really, really don't fall for the rhetoric that because he is happy to eat everything you put in front of him now he will always be like this, or that only offering healthy foods will ensure he prefers them for ever, or by restricting what he eats to only healthy foods, he won't know about unhealthy options. It's all rubbish I'm afraid, said by someone who had had three children, all fed the same and who have vastly different attitudes to diet as late teens-30s.
I fear this current obsession with 'healthy' food and the seeming inability to use nuance or common sense (ref the pp who said this was child abuse) is leading these parents into a false sense of security about their superior parenting which will unravel pretty quickly once the children are beyond primary age.
OP, you might be convinced you are right, but this really REALLY isn't anything approaching a reason to withhold contact. Please don't do it.

I can't agree more. Me and all of my siblings are a healthy weight well into middle aged. I believe that was because we had restrained but not completely restricted view on unhealthy foods. As adults I allow myself the occasional treat but don't binge on them and none of us have a sweet tooth. Honestly I think both of the parents diets aren't great but on different sides of the coin.

Original poster

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 23:59

There is no set schedule as he refuses to commit to one unfortunately.
There is never a set day or time, it is whenever he feels like it.

In reply to PP question, the food that is offered when they are out is either Quavers, Nachos, or biscuits.
My ex dosent cook and lives of takeaways.

Ex has never taken him to his flat as it's not childproofed (his choice).

I have attempted to establish a more structured routine in relation to the visits but he dosent seem to want to commit to days/ specific times.

OP posts:

thegoat2 · 26/10/2025 23:04

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:58

I think she’s considering it as she wants her son to have a healthy diet not because she wants to undermine him. If he was trying his best to cook and then she did this I’d say it was harsh, but he’s just giving the child crisps and sweet drinks. OFFERING to Sending him out with a snack box water bottle and carrot sticks and baby bel (or whatever home made kale muffin type food op will put me to shame by making!) is a good idea- ex might tell her to F off, but I know lazy men and they don’t tend to turn down free labour from women

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If he’s accepting of it that’s fine. But I don’t know many people who wouldn’t take it as a personal dig to be honest.

If he is seeing the child so little then I don’t think it’s going to have a detrimental effect on his wellbeing although of course the father should want to strive to do better.

I think as time goes on, if he starts seeing his child more op is going to have to accept that she cannot control what goes on during that time. It’s a bitter pill to swallow especially when things happen like new girlfriends or whatever but it’s a fact of coparenting. I remember feeling aghast that my ex didn’t have to tell me exactly where he was taking our toddler. I thought I had a right to know exactly where my child was at all times. Of course, I didn’t. Not when he was on the the time of his other parent.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 23:00

ps also op ‘ex can see op anytime’ - no, you all need a clearer schedule it’s not appropriate for you to have a revolving door at home. What happens if you get a new partner - this would be so awkward

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:58

thegoat2 · 26/10/2025 22:54

But it’s in the context of her saying his efforts are not good enough, rather than being kind or helpful.

It’s basically saying he is not meeting her standard of parenting which is fairly likely to rub him up the wrong way I’d imagine. If she wants to maintain a healthy and respectful coparenting relationship I don’t think this is going to help.

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I think she’s considering it as she wants her son to have a healthy diet not because she wants to undermine him. If he was trying his best to cook and then she did this I’d say it was harsh, but he’s just giving the child crisps and sweet drinks. OFFERING to Sending him out with a snack box water bottle and carrot sticks and baby bel (or whatever home made kale muffin type food op will put me to shame by making!) is a good idea- ex might tell her to F off, but I know lazy men and they don’t tend to turn down free labour from women

FuzzyWolf · 26/10/2025 22:56

My ex literally has no clue as he can barely even look after himself let alone a child.

Yet by your own admittance he is capable of obtaining and holding down a physically demanding job. I think your perception and the truth wildly differ.

Just what made you think he was going to be a good partner to have a child with?

MJMa · 26/10/2025 22:56

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:55

@MJMa this is where she says ex never gives child a meal

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Doesn’t say no meal. It says a proper meal, and that’s subjective really. People will have different opinions on what a “proper” meal is.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:55

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 20:37

My ex will often to come into my own house and tell me what to feed our DC, and he also tells me to what to offer him to drink.
He tries to boss me around in my own home.

He comes to collect DC and will take him to the park, arcadian etc and won't offer him a proper meal.

DC has never been to his flat, the visiting is mostly done in my home and also when he takes him out as he can't be bothered to childproof his flat.

My ex also works in a physically demanding job and will often fall asleep so there is a concern there as in the past he has left his oven on and fell asleep.

@MJMa this is where she says ex never gives child a meal

thegoat2 · 26/10/2025 22:54

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:51

I’d absolutely love someone to cook nutritious food for my child so I didn’t have to!

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But it’s in the context of her saying his efforts are not good enough, rather than being kind or helpful.

It’s basically saying he is not meeting her standard of parenting which is fairly likely to rub him up the wrong way I’d imagine. If she wants to maintain a healthy and respectful coparenting relationship I don’t think this is going to help.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:52

Ps maybe you could politely signpost ex towards the healthier Ella’s style baby crisps from the baby isle in boots if he wants to have a snack for baby

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:51

thegoat2 · 26/10/2025 19:42

Can you imagine if your ex sent food to yours because they felt you were incapable of feeding your dc properly? It’s controlling and basically says ‘you are not good enough and need managing by me even though we are no longer together.’

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I’d absolutely love someone to cook nutritious food for my child so I didn’t have to!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:50

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 20:37

My ex will often to come into my own house and tell me what to feed our DC, and he also tells me to what to offer him to drink.
He tries to boss me around in my own home.

He comes to collect DC and will take him to the park, arcadian etc and won't offer him a proper meal.

DC has never been to his flat, the visiting is mostly done in my home and also when he takes him out as he can't be bothered to childproof his flat.

My ex also works in a physically demanding job and will often fall asleep so there is a concern there as in the past he has left his oven on and fell asleep.

The overnights you have some real concerns op. You can work them through in mediation when the time comes but just focus on the now right now.

as it stands, child is having a good play time and you can give water and an apple to detox from junk food when they’re returned.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:47

MJMa · 26/10/2025 17:50

Point out where she said he won’t feed him a meal?

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i misread op saying he won’t cook for baby and just gives him crisps as he ONLY gives him crisps, I’ve asked op to clarify if he gives actual (unhealthy) meals but can’t see a reply to that yet, as that’s makes a big difference - empty tummy vs tummy full of stodge are diffenet

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:45

BumpyaDaisyevna · 26/10/2025 17:38

The court won’t prevent your ex seeing his son because he gives him innocent smoothies to drink …

They’re not in court yet, or anywhere near it. But they will be if op stops the current access.

I think op may have played into this lazy man’s hands though with the threat about overnights- if his family or new gf ask why he doesn’t have his son overnight he will show them that text as evidence of controlling baby mamma dramas, rather than admitting he can’t be bothered with the work involved.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:44

FuzzyWolf · 26/10/2025 17:33

There is nothing in this thread that would stop a court mandating access.

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I know. That’s why he’d either have to convince her, and if he can’t, he’ll convince a court. I’m very aware court won’t care! But it’d be a lot cheaper for him and better for everyone if he worked with his ex and fed his son something better than crips.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2025 22:42

Op you’ve got to stop him coming into your home I stopped that from 6 months. The thing that worked well for us were children’s centre stay and play sessions, lots to dads events on Saturdays. Then you know your ex is safe and also he can check out info about baby diets and potty training etc there. And also local soft play is perfect. Or he can take him for dinner (chips?) locally. Just stop having him in your home and the bad vibes he brings, you don’t want dc to remember him being there either and ask why you stopped getting him used to it. The discomfort will incentivize him to sort out car seat and sort his own flat out too. You deserve to protect your peace.

Original poster

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 22:22

No I have never used DC as a weapon, my ex can see DC anytime.

I just hate his abusive attitude towards me and how he speaks to me and tries telling me what to do with DC when he only see'a DC for a few hours a week (his choice due to work).

He comes into my house and acts as if he still
resides here, not many people in my situation would accommodate that after all the verbal and emotional abuse he has inflicted on me.

I have looked on the infant and toddler forum and it recommends crisps are not given to toddlers under 2 years of age and even then the recommendation is not a whole bag as he often gives DC.
I am concerned about the salt intake.

My ex literally has no clue as he can barely even look after himself let alone a child.

Its bizarre he tells me what to do considering I do everything for DC with no help.

Even when he is looking after DC so I can have a few hours to myself/ do housework I have to help him as he isn't capable, he dosent stop calling me asking me "what to do" during the few hours he has DC.

OP posts:

Coffeetime25 · 26/10/2025 21:59

reading this you sound like that sort of parent who will use child as a weapon and will jump on the slightest thing I dad was breathing while having my kid this is so dangerous type he should not have contact I think you need to take a look at yourself you where happy to sleep with him before the kid came along maybe you got the kid you wanted and now want him out of picture completely

Arregaithel · 26/10/2025 20:44

realistically @fooddiee his Dad has him 2 hours a week.

For the other 166 hours you can mitigate any "damage" your ex is doing?

You are not wrong tbf, don't give yourself unnecessary stress though.

Original poster

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 20:37

My ex will often to come into my own house and tell me what to feed our DC, and he also tells me to what to offer him to drink.
He tries to boss me around in my own home.

He comes to collect DC and will take him to the park, arcadian etc and won't offer him a proper meal.

DC has never been to his flat, the visiting is mostly done in my home and also when he takes him out as he can't be bothered to childproof his flat.

My ex also works in a physically demanding job and will often fall asleep so there is a concern there as in the past he has left his oven on and fell asleep.

OP posts:

Blushingm · 26/10/2025 20:24

So he was responsible enough to have DC with but not to look after them?

his house, his rules. I bet he doesn’t agree with everything you do either.

thegoat2 · 26/10/2025 19:42

newtlover · 26/10/2025 18:00

PPs suggestion of sending DC with a box of healthy food is a good one
sounds like the father is lazy- why go and buy stuff if food has been supplied?
Bonus points if OP pretends its an inconvenience to her as he will like that

Can you imagine if your ex sent food to yours because they felt you were incapable of feeding your dc properly? It’s controlling and basically says ‘you are not good enough and need managing by me even though we are no longer together.’

Katypp · 26/10/2025 19:19

Theunamedcat · 26/10/2025 18:49

I didnt? Reading is a skill your lacking clearly

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You told the OP to TELL him to at least buy Subway. There's nothing wrong with my reading thanks, unlike your grammar

mamagogo1 · 26/10/2025 19:17

If he’s only having the child for short periods the court won’t be interested in what is essentially parenting choices (mine only had good food etc so I would be cross too but courts take a different view as actually a smoothie a week won’t hurt.) child proofing is a bit of a red herring too because you don’t need to child proofing as long as you provide supervision, i didn’t because it was a rental, we just supervised carefully and taught them not to touch