Concerned about child's father parenting

Or maybe it’s just different posters responding to different threads.

I’ve read plenty of threads from married OP’s who are asked why they had a baby with someone they knew was messy, or disorganised or lazy.

It’s really interesting there is a thread on here called ‘getting over resentment with DH ‘ one year old ds’

its quite similar, but no one is berating the mother here and telling her she should have known better , everyone is telling her how great she is. I wonder if it’s because she hasn’t been left or left him yet or because they’re married and Mumsnet approves of her more?!

In no time your child's father will go to court every time he is concerned about your parenting.

Leave it.

It's not regular on 2 hours a week

I don't know why he would be offering your child meals if he never has him in his home?! If he literally has your child a few hours on a weekend and it's out at the park / soft play then what does it matter if he just feeds him a packet of crisps and a milkshake / smoothie?!

You're feeding him healthily 99% of the time so I can't really see how this is something to get worked up about.

Also not entirely sure why your ex is in your house so often...

Yep apparently that’s “ViCtiM bLAmiNG”.

I do feel sorry for OP. She can continue to try to talk to him but this is who he is.

Apparently we’re not allowed to point that out these days 🫣

It’s not a tired trope. It’s true and it’s only women who express a similar lack of accountability who get annoyed at this being pointed out.

OP is not even trying to claim he changed. She has stated quite clearly his beliefs on cooking, his sexism and his inability to look after himself were known aspects of his character.

If a woman chooses to have a child with a man like that hoping / expecting he will change to meet her standards then she’s a fool.

When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. The first time.

Also I doubt you will be able to block access because he allows the kids to eat junk.

This.

Basically. I am not sure what OP is expecting. This reminds me of my mate who is constantly whining about the values his ex-wife is imparting to their kids (she is wildly racist and a massive homophobe).

But he knew that before he married her and had kids with her so….

This is one of the downside of having kids with a loser. A misogynist loser to boot.

There is nothing you can do except to continue providing nutritious meals in your own home.

I wasn’t really trying to be helpful.

OP knew what he was like, decided to have a baby with him anyway and is now pissed off that he’s behaving the same way he always has.

Feeding your kid crisps and ready meals is not illegal. She can’t stop contact based on it so she has no choice but to suck it up.

And even if the relationship does least, both parents should be capable of feeding their child a healthy meal - it doesn’t have to be complex - pasta with tinned tomatoes and cheese, or beans on toast, or porridge with fruit.

What would happen if OP went into hospital for a long period of time, or needed to recover from surgery?

Well, aren't you a helpful commentator 🙄

But even in the partnership scenario you describe, there are always times where the “useless cook” needs to step up and feed the children.

OP knew he didn’t cook. She knew he lived off takeaways, snacks and junk. She still decided to have a baby with him and it’s only now they’ve separated that she’s decided it’s a dealbreaker

You had a child with this man child, so unfortunately he has the same rights as you to parent that child.
Whats the point of making meals for him to microwave if he doesn’t take your child to his flat (and likely doesn’t even have a microwave!)

As someone who had to take a lovely 5yr old to have surgery to remove 7 teeth, you are NOT overreacting.
A little bit of shit on the odd occasion is ok but not regularly

Then she should have done. Stats say that approximately 44% of children have not lived with both parents. Given it means it’s almost every other children then it’s naive to think you are going into parenthood and fully expecting to always divide jobs. This relationship barely lasted at all which suggests it wasn’t even that secure at the time of pregnancy.

Are you Gwyneth Paltrow? Unclench a bit or you'll find them choosing to spend time with him over you.

And if he complains about the structure you suggest then you say you’re happy to negotiate it by email or by mediation.

Op the only way to make him stick to a schedule is to give him one - if on average he sees baby for ten hours a month across four visits, for example, email him and say baby needs structure so we can make plans. I am going to make baby available at 5 of these 10 times, please email me back and confirm which dates you’d like. Do that for the next two months. If he gives you reasonable notice to change a time then fine if this works, if not then he doesn’t get to see baby. You need to be firm.

NO revolving door in and out of your home as he pleases. Both you and baby deserve structure.

Such a tired trope. Presumably she was impregnated under the impression they’d be doing this as a team under one household, plenty of couples have a chef and a useless cook and divide jobs a accordingly, one cooks, one washes up etc. she didn’t see this coming.

OP - you picked him. You talk about how he’s never been able to feed himself and lived off ready meals and junk - but then decided to have a baby with him.

Don't let him in, bring your child to the door.