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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cant decide wether to relocate or not.

40 replies

Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:07

Please no judgy comments! I am aware that situation is of my own making. I moved from London commuter belt to Edinburgh in 2020 part of the WFH Covid diaspora. I had agreement but as now established this is legally not worth much( as no contract change). I moved due to domestic abuse to get away which worked. I am a single parent. One send. Primary school. Work is increasing pressurising to relocate back. Small possibility I may be able to hybrid but this is challenging would need childcare which I’m not sure could find. Or should I relocate back and maybe they let me wfh a bit more but obviously with current political climate can change. I’m in public service I won’t say which one ( too outing) but it is a service you can work everywhere. However I’m a bit niche. Could look to change jobs but likely that would involve daily commute or even having to move areas. I am quite a high earner so would be a loss to loose this work. Should I just move back to London commuter belt change schools? Disrupt kids again. Or be poor? freelance? I’m in my 50s but kids are primary age. Is there a really obvious solution because I am really confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:35

DC say they don’t mind but they might find it hard it was quite hard coming this way 5 years ago. Main worry is send child as they may struggle if the schools are strict his current school is very nurturing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:33

I’m at the top of my career if you like coasting to the finish line.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:33

No I don’t have friends there.
Would move to a new area a bit further.
my expectation they would allow me to wfh if nearer with limited on site but this is the risk as cultures change. I only need less than 10 years to retire and a public pension. Main concerns is if send child is excluded from school can’t get the care. I become ill no backup in an emergency.

OP posts:
Adooree · 26/10/2025 08:30

If you move back will your salary remain the same , do you have the potential further your career there in the future ?
If your dc are of an age where they can have an input , what are their thoughts ?
Would you move back to the same area , same friends or try elsewhere ?

Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:29

Yes they are happy to loose me because they are a large public organisation where Bureaucracy wins over logic quite often.

OP posts:
Zempy · 26/10/2025 08:28

As you work in public service you should have a trade union rep who can help you navigate this?

I would stay put.

LasVegass · 26/10/2025 08:28

It looks like you’ll need to move back if a step-down financially isn’t possible otherwise.

BackToLurk · 26/10/2025 08:27

If you are that niche would your current employer really be happy to lose you? Might be worth exploring how much they really won’t let you continue WFH

Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:26

No I can’t have a lodger I don’t like even talking to other people much.

I have tried flex but they are being pretty hard lined about it they may offer a hybrid model but so far not a workable ones for single parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:24

Not really I have done the niche thing for 20 years. I’m in my 50s now so I’m not sure I can or would get anything comparable. As I said I am a high earner so it is hard to replicate anything similar.

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 26/10/2025 08:24

Put in a formal flexible working request and ask for WFH?. I did this and only go to the office once every 2 months.

sausageupanalley · 26/10/2025 08:24

One idea, but could you speak to the accommodation offices at the universities in Edinburgh to see if there are any students you could have as a lodger? You might be able to come to an agreement of much cheaper rent in exchange for some childcare. Edinburgh is so expensive I bet you could find someone it could work with?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 26/10/2025 08:22

Can you not do something less niche for a bit less money though?

Original poster
Sheldonsheher · 26/10/2025 08:19

i am a single parent and limited family help. So I can’t offer much of a compromise. I can’t leave send kid for a whole week or anything like that. The government is freezing/ cutting funding at the moment - and I am quite niche area so not many suitable jobs here when you actually look closely or would involve commuting or relocating locally.

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 26/10/2025 08:14

Hi OP,

I would say obvious solution would be to change jobs. Presumably life is a bit cheaper in Edinburgh than London (I know it’s not the cheapest place either) but could you not take a bit of a salary hit if essential?

Or ask if you could do something like come down one week a month. But not sure that would help you.

Do you have support anywhere with kids? Assume they don’t see Dad? What about other family/ close friends?

It does suck but I guess the key is to remember it wouldn’t have been possible before.