To be furious about this?

I imagine as an only child your parents were looking to make sure you weren't lonely. Did you have other friends or did you struggle to make friends?

Oh my god you are NOT 53 and still fuming about my parents made me hang out with a friends daughter. Everyone’s parents made them hang out with friends kids and most of childhood is about hanging out with other children you didn’t choose- school, every sports team, band, after school care , adults friend get togethers, scouts, just about everything.

I get where you are coming from, and childhood experiences can affect us as adults and more so in middle age, so I am probably in the minority when I can empathise with how you would feel violated with not having the autonomy to make choices of your own accord at that age. I wouldnt have foisted friendships on my own kids when they were younger as they made their own decisions regarding friends etc.

I also feel the family history with your own parents is valid so yes it's ok to feel resentment etc. I know since peri menopause I have had a few episodes of resentment towards things from my own childhood and parents, and what seems trivial to others is not trivial to you so embrace the anger just now and gently breathe it out and take care of you.

This really isnt an unusual situation. Being asked to play and be friends with the parents friends or colleagues children is a very common thing. Calling it a violation is a very extreme reaction. Did you have many friends? It's sounds like maybe your parents were trying to help with encouraging friendships. Your posts just make me feel a bit sorry for Anna Taylor tbh. Are your parents still alive so you can ask them why they wanted you to be friends?

I think objectively that it wasn't a massive crime of your parents to bring you together with a girl that lived locally and encourage a friendship.

You sound about 18, not 53. Surely you can’t still be “furious” about this? Live your life. And as I always seem to find myself saying on these threads, please get a grip.

Furious?

Crickey. What a nice life you’ve had if that’s what makes you furious.

@Overlenders YANBU and anyone who said otherwise is a numbskull. We all deal with issues differently, if this hurt you, it hurt you and noone has a right to tell you it didn't.
Childhood trauma needs healing. You should seek help if it is still hurting you now x

Yes YABU to use words like 'violated' over being encouraged to make friends with a neighbourhood girl over 40 years ago. Seriously, get a grip.

This is so offensive I don't know where to start.

Implying someone has to have an addiction or learning difficulty to be impacted by something in childhood.

Just because it's not a big deal to you doesn't mean it wasn't a big deal to OP. Who could be experiencing eg transference of feelings about this girl or her parents which means it's impacting her day to day life in the present.

I wonder how Anna felt. Do you think she was "violated" by being forced to meet you?

Give yourself a shake and sign up for therapy.

Violated?

I think maybe your anger is not really about this girl.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I think it's part of a much wider context of neglectful/controlling parenting by parents who were very focused on themselves.

My mum could be a bit like this with friendships, and I think people saying "but you didn't have to be friends with her at school" don't really appreciate the broader picture of parents who have been very controlling from birth onwards and how it just isn't possible to imagine that there might be bits of your life that they can't actually direct.

I wonder if this is more indicative of you feeling powerless as a child generally.

Also was there a more sinister reason you needed to stay friends with this girl. It's very strange. Could your parents have been blackmailed into it?

I think you would benefit from some therapy to unpack these feelings.

Have you ever talked to therapist or counsellor about this? It's clearly still affecting you but the only person that's being hurt is you. If you find you can't let it go then seek some help.

Wasn't this just of it's time?

The world wasn't child centric in the 80s and we did as we were told more.

My parent were/are lovely people but DBro and I had to be friends with their mates kids against our will at times. They weren't our cup of tea but everyone rubbed along okay and it's important to be able to get in with all different people in life, which Dbro and I now can.

We can’t control our feelings, so of course you are not unreasonable for feeling angry. Well done for naming it and being honest and I’m so sorry that so many people are telling you different

it sounds like there is probably a lot more underneath that anger than this as an isolated incident, with themes of lack of autonomy, intrusion, subservience and lack of respect for you. I wonder if you have kids the same age now and that has set you off

therapy could really help you unpack this if you wanted to but keep naming and exploring it if you need to

You need some counselling as it's 40 years ago .

From reading your posts this is what I’ve understood and the questions it brings up for me.

1. your childhood was marked by an abusive alcoholic mother and you had no siblings to share or make sense of the experience with

• What was your relationship with your father/grandparents like?

• Did you have other friends? What did they think of this other friendship?
• Why do you think your family were so keen for you to have this friendship? Was it for you or her?

I think you can't have much going on if you're obsessing about this (absolutely not major or damaging situation) over 40 years later. Have you got some kind of mental health problem/learning difficulty/addiction that means you amplify these sorts of things?

You are entitled to the feelings you feel about the relationship you believe was forced by your parents.

Is counselling an option to help you explore why you feel angry and violated? Is it possible to open up a conversation with your parents about the friendship? (Assuming they are still around).

Anyone else feel slightly sorry for Anna Taylor? I always try to think “beyond repair, beyond care”, but suspect Anna Taylor isn’t the only issue. Have you had counselling?

Has something triggered this op?
Hope you can get out and about today and change focus.

Must admit I started reading this thread fully prepared to empathise as I have controlling and manipulative parents… however I was waiting for the part where Anna was anything other than nice to you??
I mean, my mother (who I’m practically NC with at this point) tried to arrange some friendships for me back in the day, but I don’t hold it against her because nothing bad ever came of it!
Did you have other friends? It’s coming off like you didn’t want any friends at all and your mother was trying to solve that for you.
Believe me when I say I’m super sensitive to how parents treat their kids due to my own experiences with mine, but I’m struggling to see any wrongdoing here?
I think as PP have said your anger towards your mother’s alcohol abuse is being misdirected somewhat.
I think it’s fairly reasonable to want to help your own child have a friend if they don’t have any.