To be furious about this?

What is your life like now?

Happy? Fulfilled? Partner? Friends? Children? Work?

Honestly, it sounds like you struggled to make friends as a child /teenager. I can understand your parents trying to help you. I don’t really understand why this is still consuming you 42 years later. Has this started lately or have you been walking around with these feelings for the past 42 years? Are you getting any therapy to help you?

Ok so if you think your parents actions were wrong what, in the last 40 years, have you done to make you feel better about your life.
As other posters have said to still be furious, and to feel violated, 40 years later is not normal

Thinking this, too.

@Overlenders have you ever had therapy to talk through your childhood?

Op your original posts were very detailed, why did you not include Anna’s nastiness in them?

Is this a joke? Unless said friend turned up and murdered your guinea pigs, then you really need to get over this. I'm frightened for your sanity.

It doesn’t sound nice BUT I think it’s weird that it’s still bothering you so much 42 years later. Are you seeing a therapist to work through your issues? I would assume this is not the only thing bothering you. Are any of them worth the negative energy and mental space that it is costing you 42 years later? I think you either need to see the bigger picture (if it was an abusive childhood) or work with a therapist to learn to let this go. Don’t let this consume you.

Do you have, or want, friends now op?

I know a bloke in his seventies, lives like a hermit, and is the happiest he’s ever been.

societal expectation is that everyone wants friends.

but actually some people don’t.

it’s really normal as a parent to want your children to be happy, and the assumption would be that you need friends to be so.

if I’m right op, then I think your expectations are far too high for your parents. It’s absolutely normal to try to make your dc happier, and we try our best to do that.

on this issue alone, it sounds like your parents intentions were to help you.

I don’t understand why you’re getting so much pushback. Of course it wasn’t okay to force you to spend so much time with someone you didn’t like. Was it because she was also a churchgoer and the daughter of a doctor? The “right sort” in other words?

If your parents are still alive, could you write to them and ask why this friendship was so important to them.Also, it's ok to not forgive parents who failed you as a child, teen and young adult.Do not hold on to the anger, just tell your self they were not any good at parenting.
You need to let go as much as possible from the past, as the here and now is what counts.

Arranged marriage 🤣 who wasn’t forced to be friends with someone growing up! Parenting can be lonely and your mum got you a playmate.

i don’t think you’d ever be happy whatever the situation. If she had left you friendless etc you’d be ‘fuming’ about that.

Wtf did I just read? 🤣 I don’t think Anna is the ‘precious’ one 🙈

Overlenders I feel really sorry for teenage you. I was an unwanted child of a generation that was supposed to be seen & not heard.
I’m fairly staggered & surprised at the amount of repliers that seem to think that an only child of 11yr can possibly think outside the box, come to rational conclusions & be able to act on her thoughts. Especially a female child. But a lot of people don’t/can’t remember how they actually felt as a small person, & can’t summon any empathy.
gentle suggestion,

I haven't read the full thread, but this strikes me as yet another MN thread where adults is keen to dump all of their problems and inadequacies as an adult onto their parents because it's easier than addressing their own shortfalls.
The Op is 53 I think. She probably lived at home until she was 20ish at the latest.
On that basis, she was had 33 years to live outside of her parents' influences, 13 years longer than living with them.
OP, you are an adult. Everything is not someone else's fault. Grow up.

Some really callous posters on this thread. It’s obvious the OP has suffered abuse growing up, the Anna stuff is just a red herring. The charitable part of me thinks some of the callous posters haven’t read the opening post properly: the uncharitable part of me thinks these type of posters are inherently vile.

@Overlenders If I am being honest, I feel, that you are suspicious that there is more to this attempt to push you and this girl together. I can think of many possibilities, some of which are not so nice depending on your perspective and some are simply wanting to be good parents.

• Either you or she, or maybe both, weren’t good at making friends and this was maybe the joint parents trying to help one or both of you?
• Maybe you or her were mixing with the wrong type and they wanted to push you in a better direction?
• Maybe the Doctors family and your Mum realised how tough life was for you with an alcoholic Mum and they were trying to give you a break with more positive experiences. Were the parents your Family GP?
• Is there any chance you are related, a secret sister perhaps and they were trying to build the familial bond?

Whilst people may try and invalidate your feelings, you feel how you feel and if its something that niggles you, can you ask your parents?

I agree with this. It sounds like you're focusing your anger towards your mum on this aspect of your childhood (which is a bit odd and annoying but hardly terrible) rather than on the alcoholism and abuse.