To be furious about this?

I think you need to get over this. It was 40yrs ago and to be fuming now is not a healthy reaction.

And you were up before 8am writing all that out because your parents committed the crime of.. checks notes wanting you to be friends with Anna, several decades ago?
Fucking hell. Even the part how you repeatedly went over how you don’t like films is like you’re obsessed with this nothingness/pretend ‘violation’.
Honestly, you need to get over this.

Most of us were encouraged/forced to socialise with children because our parents were friends or had a car pool arrangement or did childcare for one another, etc.
It was mildly annoying at times but not the end of the world. Most of our socialising happened at school anyway, where parents could not interfere.

Your story is not unique but it is odd that years later you still feel so strongly about it.

Surely this still can’t bother you all these years later? Many of us have a cousin or neighbour we were almost forced to play with. For me it was my cousin - an only child who was a bully and a liar who was downright horrible to me. We had to include her in our games and it was so annoying but it was years ago. I think you have issues from your childhood you have t resolved. I don’t think you are focusing on the right thing for healing.

I agree with @FigAboutTheRules.

The issue is your mum’s alcoholism and abuse. And that you felt you had to do something you didn’t want to do (e.g. go to the cinema and develop a friendship with someone) because your parents and grandparents expected/told you to.

It sounds like you’re were too unconfident or afraid to exercise autonomy and say you didn’t want to. At 10 (and certainly as teenagers) most kids will be assertive when they don’t want to do something. Unless brought up in an authoritarian, controlling family where there’s an atmosphere (or even threat) you have to do as you’re told, without question or discussion.

If you haven’t already, I suggest you seek therapy. The ‘forced’ friendship has clearly affected you. Has it affected your approach to friendships and relationships as an adult?

I guess the meaning of "violated" has been diluted a tad.

I thought you were going to say your 20s not 53.

your mums behaviour was the issue but you really need to dig deeper and stop clinging ont o making this friend

Maybe your parents thought you cant make friends or that your friends are not very nice, and tried to help you by finding a "nice" girl for you to be friends with?

Do you have many friends now? TBH it sounds like you detest your childhood friend for some reason (is she more successful than you?) and now try to rewrite history to justify hating her/ not wanting to be friends anymore.

I find myself curious about Anna. Sounds like it was arranged for her as well. Are you in touch at all now?
I am in my late 50s. As a child I occasionally stayed with my Granny and she used to be concerned that I needed 'young' company. I didn't! Myself and a fellow victim Jane forced together. We didn't dislike each other but interactions a bit awkward. We both knew what was happening but played nice! Different to ops situation as happened only a handful of times.

In the words of Elsa, let it go.

My mum wouldn’t let me get a Poly perm OR white stills when I was 14 and consequently I am livid. And she made me carry on at girl guides for way longer than I wanted because Maureen who ran it, was her friend’s sister. Same with Mass. “shift that face or I’ll give you something to moan about” every Sunday morning. Fecking cow.

I think it's quite disturbing that you have held onto this and are still furious about it.
Have you considered therapy to discuss your childhood at all? Might be worth looking into as I can't help but think you are focusing on this but it's perhaps something else that has left you somewhat damaged.

I would suggest professional counselling to explore why this is still an issue for you at 53 op. Good luck 💐

Parents often try and support their dc with new skills, including social skills. It may be they thought you needed more friends, or to be out and about away from the house more.

Perhaps when they thought you were dropping her age 15, they thought they were encouraging you to work at keeping relationships rather than letting them go through laziness or in a moment of irritation.

Neither of those things are bad in themselves.

Being insensitive to what you needed was a pity, but given your mother’s alcoholism pretty much inevitable.

So it could have been well intentioned and a good thing, it could have been well intentioned but a bad thing, or they could have been attempting to social climb through you. Hard to know, 40 years later.

Sounds like a fairly standard old school childhood to me, ie being told what to do at all times! Yabu to be dwelling on this.

It was FORTY YEARS AGO.

“Violated”

I would guess either she was very lonely and your parents were trying to help her form friendships (because they were friendly with her parents), or you were very lonely and they were trying to help you, or both. Did you have lots of other friends, if so Anna tagging along wouldn't have been much hardship and would have been a nice thing to do if she didn't have other friends. Was she also forced into the friendship or did she really like you? Children's play dates are often arranged between parents first and the friendships develop from there so there is really nothing unusual about how things started.

I assume there is no dark family secret involved.😈

This is absurd. Truly.

My mother also had a habit of dictating my friendships and it led to a lot of resent on my part and frankly at some point in my teen years I became a bad friend. Finally when I managed to move away to study I started from scratch with friendships chosen by me, it felt very freeing.

Looking back now, I can see my friends were actually (mostly) very decent kids, but I think the aspect of being forced on me made me resent everything and everyone.

I don’t think you’re wrong, but (just imo) YABU in being angry now? I would seek counselling to put it to bed, just because it’s not worth carrying it into adulthood.

OP, this is so awful and I’m shocked at the responses you’ve had so far.

I thought I had it bad with being forced to be friendly with a cousin nearby but for you to have to put up with this forced friendship for 6 years is terrible.

You are absolutely right to feel angry. Ignore all the people on this thread who seem to have had an empathy bypass today. They likely don’t have any friends.

I would post in Relationships next time, people in AIBU take a delight in kicking someone when they’re down.

Em ok 😳 you seem dramatic! Maybe get some therapy

So did you have to spend a lot of time with Anna Taylor?

I mean, it is really weird your parents forced the friendship. And unfair. Your parents sound like weirdos though.

Have you had counselling about it all?

How come you’re still not friends with Anna Taylor? After secondary school were you allowed to choose your own friends?

I think your anger is misdirected the "abusive alcoholic" and "agrressive moods" seem to be where you should actually direct your fury

I kind of get it. Your mum was abusive and clearly ruined any chance of a nice home life and then by forcing a friendship with someone she wanted you to be friends with (rather than someone you actually wanted to see and liked due to similar interests and personality) she was getting her claws into the part of your life that could be independent from her.

Did your dad ever say why it was important you and Anna kept in touch?

My mum was also abusive and controlling and very critical of my friends, she would try and push me away from people I cared about and towards people who she perceived to be "better" but we're pretty much universally snobs and knobheads. It's just another way to control and isolate you.