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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dreading Christmas without DH

58 replies

pestowithwalnuts · 26/10/2025 06:57

I lost my wonderful DH in April.
He always loved Christmas and so did I.
Now I'm dreading it .
He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and i looked after him for a year before he died. My family tell me that they were so proud of me .. of how brave I was all that time..But just now it seems like it's coming to bite me on the backside.
I feel overwhelmed all of a sudden. and the Christmassy stuff is creeping in slowly..
I realise this is not a AIBU....I just wanted a hand hold I guess

OP posts:
Difficultwill · 26/10/2025 07:17

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard and then anniversaries come, and this will be the first Christmas without your DH. You must do what feels right to you and celebrate it how you feel, and yes it will be very different and difficult but you will get through it. Don’t let anyone push you into the festivities if you don’t feel up to it. Think how would your DH want you to celebrate, do you have any faith to lean on. Do what feels right to you.
Sending you a virtual hug and hand hold.

winter8090 · 26/10/2025 07:17

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Reach out to family and friends and take one day at a time. Let your self feel sad and realise for now that’s ok.

it sounds like you did a wonderful job taking care of your husband.

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 26/10/2025 07:16

Sounds horrendous OP I am so sorry. I can't think of a way to make it less sad for you all I cam suggest is surrounding yourself with loved ones x

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 26/10/2025 07:14

I’m so sorry for your loss. What would usually happen at Christmas? Can you do something completely different? My adult dc are angling to go away.

Do you have children?

Needanadultgapyear · 26/10/2025 07:12

I have a wonderful friend who lost her DH a few years ago - together they really did Christmas he often dressed up as Santa not hard as he was a big man with a big beard.
Now she goes walking or abroad at Christmas.

Myfridgeiscool · 26/10/2025 07:08

A big hand hold sounds completely reasonable to me, have a big hug too.
Christmas is a tough time of year, surround yourself with things that bring you joy.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 26/10/2025 07:01

Giving a tight handhold and a hug x

I'm also a widow, and I hear you loud and clear xxx

JamieCannister · 26/10/2025 07:00

pestowithwalnuts · 26/10/2025 06:57

I lost my wonderful DH in April.
He always loved Christmas and so did I.
Now I'm dreading it .
He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and i looked after him for a year before he died. My family tell me that they were so proud of me .. of how brave I was all that time..But just now it seems like it's coming to bite me on the backside.
I feel overwhelmed all of a sudden. and the Christmassy stuff is creeping in slowly..
I realise this is not a AIBU....I just wanted a hand hold I guess

I have nothing constructive to add really... I am sure everything you feel is 100% natural and normal, and to wish you all the love in the world.